Home is where the Heart is
by NancyErin
Summary: A/U – Alexis is babysitter to Beckett's three musketeers. What will happen when Beckett and Castle meet? Read Prologue inside Excerpt
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Home is where the heart is**

**Author: NancyErin**

**Rated: PG-13**

**Pairing: Beckett / Castle**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CASTLE, never have, never will.**

**Summary: AU – Alexis is Kate Beckett's babysitter. What will happen when Alexis takes matters into her own hands to bring the single mother and her author father together?**

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**Excerpt**

_"Kate, this is my dad, Richard Castle. Dad, this is Kate Beckett." Alexis introduced one another as the pair rather timidly shook hands, or it was rather more Beckett who suddenly started feeling very insecure of every move she made. She must be dreaming. It had to be a dream and soon she was going to wake up from that dream, now, wasn't she? No, it was real. Richard Castle was shaking hands with hers. "I take it you know my dad." Alexis stated timidly feeling a little bit out of place. She probably should have warned Kate about her father's social fame._

_"Hi… I…I'm uh…" Castle started to babble away. This was the first time Alexis had ever heard her father stuttering. At his daughter's quizzical expression, he briefly cleared his voice and introduced himself adequately. "Hi, I'm Richard Castle. By the look on your face I take it you are acquainted with my very being. Don't worry, I'm not biting". He quickly managed to boost his ego and added a wink to finish off his words._

_Now Alexis wanted to throw up, literally. Her father could sometimes be such an character. Beckett's smile dissipated instantly at Castle's words, so Alexis felt the need to jump in and divert their conversation onto another topic._

_"Dad, remember the boys? Matt, Jamie and Charlie. Guys, this is my dad."_

_Richard Castle diverted his eyes from the woman onto the small boys as they all gave him a curious look wondering who this stranger was, and whether he was to be trusted or not._

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**Chapter 1**

"Hey… how did it go?" Kate Beckett wanted to know when she walked over the threshold of her two bedroom apartment that very night. "Sorry I'm late." She also apologized to the fifteen year old, red haired, teenager sitting on the couch and in front of the TV watching a DVD with her legs propped up on the coffee table.

Alexis sat up straight first before hitting the stop button on the remote control, shaking off Beckett's excuse.

"Oh don't worry at all. They were real sweet hearts." she politely answered with a smile.

In Beckett's point of view Alexis was by far the best babysitter she had ever found. She got along well with the boys, especially Jamie – her "middle child" - who sometimes had his moments. All her previous babysitters quickly resigned in defeat but not Alexis. Something seemed to work between them and Beckett hadn't found out quite yet what it was. Though it was rather refreshing to know that she could go out without getting called away in the middle of it because one of her sons was driving the babysitter crazy. This was the first time she actually got to enjoy her evening in a long time.

Alexis eventually moved off the couch and neatly folded the blanket she had used to keep herself warm before putting it back onto its original spot.

"How much do I owe you?" Beckett requested, aware that the girl didn't really care how much she actually would earn. Beckett couldn't afford a babysitter on a regular basis. Money was short in her household. She wished she could meet up with the standard, alas that wasn't possible, but whenever she could, she would always hand out an extra note as gratification. Beckett even needed to insist and this time was no different.

"Take it, all right. I owe so much more." Beckett dropped the additional five dollar note into the girl's hand.

Alexis took it, albeit a bit reluctant, aware that Beckett needed every dollar she earned.

Alexis was a very wise young lady who knew and understood better than any other people her age. She could always count on her father whenever she needed money, which didn't mean that she abused on every opportunity that presented itself to her when necessary. She even thought it a good idea to do something in return to the society and she knew by now that Beckett was worth it. Alexis loved the woman. She was working hard and did everything she could to raise her sons as good as she could. Considering that she was a single mother with three children in tow, she was actually doing pretty well. If only there was something else Alexis could do to help her.

"Well thank you very much, but it's really not necessary, I…"

"Shhh… I don't want to hear about it", Beckett insisted, totally unaware of Alexis actual wealth situation. She merely figured and understood that a teenage girl needed the money to go out with friends, go to the movies, and so on. She knew she would have enjoyed to have that money in her pocket too when she was younger.

"Oh… I see my dad's here to pick me up", Alexis noted the car that had just come to a halt in front of the apartment building downstairs. Every time Beckett was on her way back home, she called and would let Alexis know about her soon arrival so that the girl could request her father to pick her up half an hour later. "Well, you got my number… " she smiled and waved her goodbye.

Beckett returned her kind gesture and another thank you before closing and locking the door for the night. Before heading the pillow though Beckett always needed to check up on her sons. They were peacefully sleeping away in their dreamland. Matt, her six year old, was holding tight onto Lightbuzz in the upper bunk bed while Jamie, three years, wouldn't let go of Bob the Builder in the lower bunk bed. Charlie, who would soon blow out the first candle was fervently sucking on his pacifier in his crib.

If only things would always be so peaceful but with three energetic sons, Kate Beckett sure had her hands full twenty-four seven. Her eyes swayed to her arm watch reminding her that she was way past her bedtime hour. She dropped one last kiss onto each forehead and then finally called it a day.

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_tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Three weeks later, Alexis was once again looking after the three boys. Juggling one very sleepy Charlie on her right hip, she struggled to separate the fighting other two whom she could swear that either one of them was eventually going to kill the other one. It was only a matter of time.

"Matt, quit it!" the teenager warned with a threatening finger.

The later though would hear none of it, "Jamie started first! He won't give me back my truck, so I took his." Matt spat.

"Is that true, Jamie?" Alexis inquired, calmly kneeling down in front of the three feet tall. Through her miscellaneous babysitting books she had devoured in a matter of no time, she had recently discovered how important it was to get to the same eye level of the children in order to catch their attention. It worked as the toddler seemed to calm down somewhat as she noted a faint head nod. "You can't just take Matt's car, Jamie. That's not nice. If you want to play with his truck, you should ask him. If you take his without asking, it is normal for Matt to get mad at you, and then he has nothing else left to do but take yours instead. Do you understand?"

Jamie's dark green eyes shined up into the young girl's blues. He felt ashamed of his current behaviour and his body language told Alexis that he regretted his actions.

"Please give Matt back his truck and do apologize."

Jamie proceeded as per her request, murmuring some kind of apology. Matt took the truck back into his arms and hid it instantly behind his back a large winning grin plastered all over his face. Smart as she was, Alexis caught his mischievous grin.

"And you, there is nothing to smile about. If I see you hitting your brother one more time, you're off to bed asap. Understood?" Usually Matt would backfire, but he knew better than that with Alexis. He knew by now that if he didn't obey, he would instantly have to hit the pillow and he didn't want that quite yet. He nodded his head and removed the grin out of his face, "Apologize to your brother for hitting him."

The boy hesitated for a while, "Sorry, I hit you Jamie." he spoke nonetheless, albeit a tad bit of reluctance in his tone.

"Thank you!" Alexis spoke with sincerity after this fight was over. How long was it going to last till the next one, she didn't want to think about it! She sighed, "All right then, I need to get Charlie's bottle warm, so behave!" She shot them one last warning glare before exiting the boys' bedroom.

Just as she was about to feed the baby, her cell phone went off. It was Beckett, calling for her usual check-up half way through the evening.

"Is everything all right?" the woman's voice filtered through the receiver.

"Yes, everything is fine Miss Beckett. You don't need to worry. I'm feeding Charlie, so he will go to sleep at eight. Matt and Jamie are busy playing in their room." Alexis informed the worried mother, purposefully leaving their recent fight out of the conversation. Beckett let out an almost inaudible sigh of relieve, though Alexis could still distinguish it through the distance.

"I won't be home late this time. Maybe around ten. Just wanted to let you know."

"Sure, no problem. I don't have any plans tonight anyway, and my father's on a roll tonight so he's home writing away like a maniac and so he has no problems picking me up any time."

"Oh!... Okay…" Beckett said, unsure how else to react to those news, "I'll see you later, bye." She added and flicked the lid of her cell phone close.

This was the first time the girl told her something about her private life. Beckett didn't know much at all about Alexis, except that she was a teenager, and that her father insisted she do some work to earn her own pocket money. That's what she told Beckett on the day of her interview. Despite that fact, Beckett wasn't all that stupid and had only recently noted Alexis wearing a sophisticated winter coat. She had pondered for a while how a girl her age would be able to afford a Burberry ® coat. It would take her a lot of babysitting hours to own one. It was probably a fake… or was it not? She wasn't all too sure now.

Many thoughts were rummaging in her head. What did Alexis mean when she said that her father was writing? Was he a columnist, journalist, no… That sounded too unimportant. The more she thought about it, the more the pieces of the puzzle fit together. Suddenly it struck her like a lightening. Alexis Castle, as in Alexis Castle whose father is no other than the famous Richard Castle? The Richard Castle, whom she literally gulped down every single word as soon as one of his books were published? No, that could not be possible. Her imagination was going crazy. On another side note, this would explain the expensive coat she saw the other day.

"Is everything all right?" Robert, her new date, shook her out of her daydream.

Kate Beckett flashed him a brief smile, "Yes. I'm sorry… I was just… it's okay. Everything's all right."

She gazed at the man sitting opposite of her, silently wondering to herself as she got lost in her own thoughts again. Here she was sitting, in a very romantic restaurant, good-looking man in front of her and she had yet to break the news to him that she was a mother of three. Next thing, he was going to flee her like a plague. Something she was slowly getting used to. Especially when it came to men like the one who was sending her a thousand watt smile. She sighed, knowing well ahead that this evening was going to end nowhere.

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_tbc_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Hey, I'm back!" Kate Beckett cheered despite the fact that her evening indeed turned out differently than she had hoped to. On the other hand, she thought it would be the best anyway. Maybe she should give up dating; at least for the time being. What good could it bring if she started a relationship and weeks later they would break up anyway? She didn't want and she didn't need any of that. Her main focus laid on her children and she needed to think about them too; not just herself. Obviously she was a woman, a woman with needs nonetheless but her top priority was and will always be her sons.

"Shhh…" Alex shushed her down when Beckett appeared in the door frame of the boys' bedroom. She flashed the young woman a quizzical facial expression, "I just got Charlie back to sleep. He has had a pretty restless sleep so far." Alexis whispered, feeling for the woman who was probably not going to get as much sleep as she more likely hoped for tonight.

"Oh… Oh God. Is everything okay?"

Unfortunately the arrival of his mother woke Charlie up. It was like an instinct.

"I don't know… I'm not sure. He merely wakes up crying for you, but I didn't have troubles getting him back to sleep. I carried him around for a couple of minutes and then he was out again, so I figured I didn't need to bother you." Alexis explained, handing the whining infant out to Beckett who cradled her youngest against her chest.

"You most certainly never bother me."

"Well I didn't want to interrupt your date." Alexis felt the need to further explain her course of action.

"I know and I understand you, but please also know that I definitely don't mind being called in if something is going on with them, all right? Don't hesitate to call me any time when needed." Kate Beckett spoke to her in a very mother affectionate tone.

Alexis observed the pair for a while as Beckett soothed her son back to sleep before lying him into his crib again. For the past couple of months she not only fell in love with the three boys but also the woman who was their mother. She also had a mother, but one who was more passive in her life. She would show up any time it would please her. Sure thing Alexis loved her mother and both always tried to make the best out of their time spent together. But every once in a while Alexis pondered what it would be like to really have a mother by her side all the time. For what it was worth, she owned the best father in the world. He could be so childish sometimes, but he had always been able to put a smile on her face or make her feel better whenever she was down. Sometimes it was better to only have one parent than two; especially if you had parents who would constantly fight.

Beckett and Alexis walked back into the family room and sat onto the couch. Usually by now, Alexis father would be there to pick her up, this time though he was running a little bit late apparently.

"Is your dad going to pick you up, or…?"

Alexis had a glance at her watch, "Yes, he should be here soon, don't worry."

Beckett looked out the window where heavy rain was pouring down the sky.

"It's really raining a lot outside. Are you sure you don't want to crash down here?" Beckett asked a tad bit anxious about the road her father was imposing himself onto.

"Well, dad should be here soon anyway, so it's useless calling it off again." Alexis stated. Beckett could only agree with her reasoning.

A longer silence grew between the pair as neither knew what to say next. Beckett though wanted to know more about Alexis father. Was he really the current best-selling author or was she mistaken? In whichever case, how should she proceed? She couldn't just ask Alexis whether Richard Castle was her father? What if he wasn't? Would that effect her judgement? No, it wouldn't… Did it really matter who Alexis' father was? No.

On the other side of the couch Alexis wondered whether Beckett would like to go on date with her father. She had been doing a lot of thinking as of lately. Her father currently didn't have any girlfriend. All he was doing was writing his new novel. He had been so engrossed with it the past month that Alexis barely even got to see him. Right now she only saw him every time he was preparing a meal in the kitchen. She would end up alone with her grandmother to eat while he sprinted back off into his room to work on this new story. It would be good for him to get out of the house again more often.

Her shrilling sound of her cell phone pulled her out of her thoughts instantly.

I'm here, his text message informed her.

Alexis smiled up at Beckett, "Dad's here, so I better run…" She moved from the couch to the main door and turned on her heels. She pondered and hesitated before flashing the nice woman a warm smile, "Night", Alexis chickened out without bothering Beckett about the date. How ridiculous would this sound anyway?

Beckett returned her words as the door shut behind the teenage girl.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"What are you smiling about?" Richard Castle wanted to know when he spotted his daughter smiling goofily away at her cell phone screen. Nosy as so very often, he leaned over her regardless of his daughter's needs for privacy.

"Nothing!" she shrugged it off, hiding her cell phone against her chest and away from her father's prying eyes.

"You have a new boyfriend? You know you can tell me. You're my daughter!" Richard Castle flashed her his crooked and wicked smile. A smile he knew all too well to use to get him anything he wanted, especially from women. The trick also worked on his daughter; though not always.

"Uh-huh. I might be your daughter, but might I remind you that I'm slowly turning into a woman and that my desire to some privacy increases."

Castle observed her from the far away distance across their large living room area as he stood in the open kitchen. She was smart… very smart; almost too smart, he thought to himself. But she got a point, so he didn't want to insist. He knew better than to argue with his daughter about something as casual as a new boyfriend.

"No, it's from Miss Beckett."

"Miss Beckett?" Castle thought out loud, "As in Miss Beckett, the lady whose boys you are sitting?"

"Uh-huh", Alexis nodded her head as she had gotten off the couch and walked up to the kitchen counter where she sat onto one of the stools. She grabbed a carrot off the plate her father had just peeled the skin off and took a bite. "She just sent me a picture of the boys via MMS."

"Really? Why so?" Alexis knew that this time he wasn't being nosy but merely trying to make small conversation. During her fifteen years of life she knew her father pretty well to recognize the difference.

"Well", she paused to take another bite of her carrot, "So I can add the picture to the ring tone. If she calls me or text messages me I instantly know whom it's from when I see their picture. See?" Alexis waved her cell phone in front of her father's eyes.

Castle fetched the item out of her fingers and gazed at the three smiling little boys, "They're cute" he exclaimed unconsciously. Looking up from the picture, he wondered, "Did I just say this out loud?" with raised eye brows.

It had taken Alexis kind of off guard so all she could do was nod her head. Did her father just state what she just heard? She decided not to read too much into it and pulled the cell phone closer her way again.

"The big one's Matt, on the left. The one in the middle is the youngest. His name is Charlie. And then there's Jamie on the right. They're really sweet." Alexis smiled dreamingly, "Although Jamie can sometimes drive me nuts, he's still a sweet boy. He's just having a rough time since his parents broke up, so… It's none of his fault and the only way to express himself is through anger. He needs to learn to express himself through words, not get physical every time, but we're getting there."

"Hey, hey, hey…" Castle interfered playfully, "Where has my little girl gone off to?" All of a sudden his daughter sounded very mature for her age. No matter how fast time was flying, she would always be his little girl in his heart. He treated her like a fifteen year old and Alexis was aware how great of a father she had. Some of her friends were jealous of her. Richard Castle was more than happy with the special bond he had always shared with his daughter and hoped it would stay like this forever. Even if it meant to let go some time, but not quite yet.

"Well it's true, right?"

"I don't know them sweetheart." Castle spoke and planted a loving kiss on top of his daughter's head.

"Miss Beckett is a very lovely person, and from what I've been told, those kids deserve a better father than the one they actually have. Can you believe he ran away from his family only to start a new relationship with a nineteen year old woman? That's really crazy, isn't it?"

Richard Castle shrugged, though obviously touched by his daughter's tale, but what was there he could do? Nothing!

"You don't know all the details Alexis. Maybe there's more to it than that…" Richard Castle reasoned though he was probably making that story up for his own good.

"How can you say such a thing, dad? Miss Beckett is probably the nicest person I know, well except you of course dad and grandma, but…"

"Come on… dinner's ready" Richard Castle cut her short preventing her for going on with her story. She sighed in defeat. While eating her dinner she was more absent minded than ever. She needed to do something for the family, but what could she do? First, she needed a plan. She fetched a notepad that rested on the counter and proceeded to scribble down a few furtive notes. The more words she wrote down, the more concrete her plan got. Now she was all excited and curious to know whether her plan was going to work or not.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Double update today! YAY! Enjoy! =)**

**Chapter 5**

"You're so lucky that you're my daughter, you know that, right?"

Richard Castle playfully teased his fifteen year old daughter. The latter was smiling broadly up into her father's eyes. Her plan was working after all, now all they needed to do was find Kate Beckett amongst the crowd. Alexis never thought the zoo entrance to be that jam-packed as a huge group of ten year old was swarming through the gate. Alexis furtively took a look at her watch. Ten minutes past ten. She was running late, probably because of the boys, she thought to herself, or due to traffic.

As usual Alexis' father looked much more excited to visit the zoo than she did, at least for a different reason. She watched him from a certain distance as he unfolded the map of the zoo, talking to himself on what direction to take first, until he interrupted her thoughts.

"The seals' show is on at noon. Shall we see that one?"

Alexis absent-mindedly nodded her head as her smile grew larger on her face upon spotting Kate Beckett in tow with her three sons unbeknownst to her of Castle's presence. Two days ago Alexis overheard Beckett on the phone with one of her friends. They were talking about going to the zoo, and unfortunately her friend had to cancel their plans since one of her sons was sick home. Upon the news Jamie had become very agitated and Beckett resigned quickly. They would have to go to the zoo alone. That's the moment where it hit Alexis that it would be the perfect opportunity for her father and Beckett to meet on unknown territory. Just setting the grounds so to speak, see how they work around each other.

"Kate!" Alexis vigorously waved her hand up in the air to catch the Beckett's attention. Beckett lifted her eyes in search of the person whose voice sounded familiar to her ears. The second she spotted Alexis she flashed her a smile and walked her way. On Thursday Beckett had insisted Alexis should call her by her first name. It sounded less impersonal, much to Alexis' regret who wanted to remain as professional as possible. It felt nice though, because it made her feel a tad bit closer to the little family she had grown to love over the past three months now.

"A-y!" (A/N: Ally) Charlie exclaimed excitedly trapped in the stroller Beckett was pushing in front of her.

Alexis loved that little munchkin to pieces and her heart swell with love at the use of the nickname he had given her. She knelt down and hugged each of the boys who apparently were more than happy to see her again.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Kate Beckett wondered out loud rhetorically while her eyes travelled from the teenage girl over to the tall and handsome man standing right next to her, who was actually and indeed THE Richard Castle.

From the corner of her eyes Alexis noted her new friend's mouth agape and she even feared her eyes would pop out of her head any minute now. Apparently Kate Beckett recognized her father as the famous author he was.

"Kate, this is my dad, Richard Castle. Dad, this is Kate Beckett." Alexis introduced one another as the pair rather timidly shook hands, or it was rather more Beckett who suddenly started feeling very insecure of every move she made. She must be dreaming. It had to be a dream and soon she was going to wake up from that dream, now, wasn't she? No, it was real. Richard Castle was shaking hands with hers. "I take it you know my dad." Alexis stated timidly feeling a little bit out of place. She probably should have warned Kate about her father's social fame.

"Hi… I…I'm uh…" Castle started to babble away. This was the first time Alexis had ever heard her father stuttering. At his daughter's quizzical expression, he briefly cleared his voice and introduced himself adequately. "Hi, I'm Richard Castle. By the look on your face I take it you are acquainted with my very being. Don't worry, I'm not biting". He quickly managed to boost his ego and added a wink to finish off his words.

Now Alexis wanted to throw up, literally. Her father could sometimes be such a character. Beckett's smile dissipated instantly at Castle's words, so Alexis felt the need to jump in and divert their conversation onto another topic.

"Dad, remember the boys? Matt, Jamie and Charlie. Guys, this is my dad."

Richard Castle diverted his eyes from the woman onto the small boys as they all gave him a curious look wondering who this stranger was, and whether he was to be trusted or not.

"Mummy, I need potty." Jamie suddenly interjected, at which Beckett let out a long sigh.

"Does anybody else need to go to the bathroom?" Beckett said rather annoyed.

"Me!" Matt exclaimed, upon which Beckett realized that she should have phrased her question differently.

"All right then."

"But I don't wanna go to the girls' room." Matt complained with a pout and a pulled lower lip.

Kate Beckett reprimanded her son but nothing would go through his thick skull. He was six years old and he proclaimed to know fairly well how to behave in the boys' room by himself.

"If you want, I can take him." Castle jumped in to her rescue, "I need to go anyway, so… Don't worry, I'm not going to kidnap him, nor am I some kind of psycho." he added after Beckett's hesitant glare. Castle could understand her unspoken words, but the truth was that his motives were all but dishonest. "If that's all right with you Matt?"

Matt nodded his head with a grin plastered all over his face and proudly followed Castle without hesitation, while Alexis followed Beckett's step to the ladies room.

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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This story is complete... I have finished it! So there WILL BE updates! =) Thank you so much to all of those that have taken some extra time to leave a review! I am happy of each and every single one!**

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**C****hapter 6**

"Are you ready little man?" Castle asked with a deep mighty voice. Matt hurriedly dried his hands on one of the paper towels Castle had handed out to him before trashing the used item into the nearest bin.

The boy tilted his head to the side and looked up at the tall man, "I'm no little man. I'm already six years old. What's your name again?"

"Richard, but you can call me Rick if you want."

"Cool.." the boy interjected.

They met with Alexis and Jamie outside. The boys sat onto the bench which was sheltered by a large willow tree.

"So, what do you think?" Alexis asked her father as the curiosity got the better out of her. She could no longer withhold it. Her father obviously had to like Kate Beckett. His stuttering earlier told her more than he would ever admit. No matter what he was going to say, she definitely knew that he showed a feeble for Kate Beckett.

Castle inspected his daughter from the corner of his eyes, "Did you plan this?" Blush grew on either side of her cheeks. "Wow… you really think your old man can't handle dating on his own?"

"No, that's not true, but seriously, what do you think of Kate? You can't tell me that you don't think she's beautiful. You'd be lying to your own daughter!" Alexis countered smugly. For now, her plan seemed to be working, and she couldn't feel any happier at this stage.

Alexis noticed as her father's eyes rested on the woman as she made her way along the path to the bench, pushing the stroller with Charlie in front of her. The moment Jamie spotted his mother he literally bounced off the bench, slipped and fell hard onto the gravel ground, scratching his knee and started screaming bloody murder. Instinctively Castle bent down and lifted the little guy up into his arms right before Beckett had a chance to jump in.

"It's just a tiny little bump", Castle mimicked a comic voice while trying to divert the crying child from his painful bumped knee. Alexis watched with bemusement as the two grown-ups tried their best at soothing Jamie. They looked really fine together, Alexis thought to herself and couldn't wait to move on with her cunning plan.

A little while later, Jamie was set down onto the floor again so they could finally start their journey through the zoo. At the beginning Beckett was walking with her sons ahead of the pair, mainly due to the boys' overly excitement at the view of each and every single animal. This was the first time they got to be in the zoo so it was all the more interesting for them. Every once in a while Beckett had to remind them not to run hazard-less around, else way they could get lost. Castle silently smiled to himself and shook his head at the boys' giddiness; something that didn't go unnoticed by Alexis.

"So? You still haven't answered my question from before?" Alexis reminded him.

"Well" Castle shrugged, "For a woman who has had three kids, she cleans up nicely."

"Dad!" exclaimed Alexis with a playful shove to his abs. "That's just… very inappropriate!"

"What? What did I say wrong this time?"

Alexis rolled her eyes. But innerly she high fived herself for winning that point. Her father obviously liked Beckett; at least the physical part. Now she had to move onto the part of them getting to know each other. That was going to be a tad bit more complicated. So far, Beckett was more preoccupied chasing the boys and telling them to stay put rather than anything else.

Alexis needed to take matters into her own hands and lunged to catch up with Beckett instead, leaving her father agape behind her.

A timid Beckett suddenly found herself walking side by side to the renown author. Castle was a man of words. Words usually came very easy to him but this time he felt rather out of words, which was totally unlike him. It was Beckett who broke the ice between them.

"I know this might sound rather foolish to admit, but I have read all of your books. I really like your writing style."

Castle flashed her a crooked smile, "Ah… so you like mystery fiction."

"Yes. Don't ask me why though. Reading is the only thing I can do at night time and enjoy once the boys have hit the pillow. I could easily start a book one evening and finish it the next day. My reading is pretty fast."

"Speed reading? Yeah… me too. It's something I have picked up as a child while spending my days in the New York Public Library."

"How so?" Beckett inquired.

"Probably because I've been kicked out of all of New York's finer academic institutions at least once." he joked, albeit with a serious tone in his voice, leading Beckett to conclude that this was more likely the truth.

"Mummy? I'm thirsty." Matt suddenly barged in between the pair. "Can I get a Coke, please?"

Castle smiled softly to himself as he noted the innocent look the boy flashed his mother.

"No." Beckett firmly object as she retrieved a bottle of water out of her backpack. "Here's some water if you are thirsty. You might get a Coke later, all right?"

It didn't take more than five seconds as each of the boys requested something different from their mother. They finally stopped at the nearest available bench with table to feed the hungry children. Beckett had been careful preparing enough sandwiches for either of them. Alexis unconsciously helped the busy mother. In return, Castle offered an extra large portion of French fries and an ice-cream for either of them. He silently sat next to them and observed their every move as he chuckled to himself. Somehow it was all a turmoil, and yet Kate Beckett managed to remain her calm self.

Once everybody was seated to eat decently, a silence grew across the table. While Alexis was taking care of Jamie, and Beckett was preoccupied feeding the younger one, Matt started firing questions at Castle, much to the latest pleasure, until it was too much for Kate Beckett,

"Matt, would you stop that, please? Mr. Castle would sure enjoy his meal in silence."

Alexis gazed from Beckett to her father, who she thought had an everlasting smile on his face. She was pretty sure it had something to do with a certain beautiful woman sitting opposite of him. She had noticed him ogling Beckett's figure on several occasions already.

"Oh that's all right. I don't mind at all. And please call me Rick." He spoke with a wink and Alexis was sure that Kate suddenly blushed up.

"Dad! Why don't you tell Kate about your readings? Maybe you could do a reading at her school some time?" Alexis threw in, very consciously opening another new gate for them to connect.

"You're doing school readings?" Beckett asked rather astonished.

"Yes, preschool actually. Why? Does that sound unlike me?" Castle spoke out loud, before admitting cockily "Yeah, probably. That's only because most people don't really know who I am. I can be such a softy sometimes."

On her side of the bench, Alexis couldn't help from rolling her eyes at her father's words. He could be so full of himself sometimes. Truth was, he was definitely flirting with Kate Beckett and that's exactly the direction Alexis wanted this to go, so she would eventually have to put up with his arrogance. She could only hope that this wasn't going to be a turn down to Beckett.

* * *

_tbc_

**A/N: Okay I know Castle can come across pretty wise ass but he once said it himself**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Halfway through the zoo, Charlie started to fuss in his stroller.

"He's getting hungry", Beckett informed Castle, halfway excusing herself for her son's agitated behaviour She thus lifted the fussing baby out while Jamie seated himself right away into the stroller, which Alexis took over from Beckett, since she was stuck carrying her youngest around.

The sun was set high up on the blue cloudless sky. Castle noted the exhaustion little by little written on every child's face. Besides it had become fairly quiet among them. Matt was the only boy still awake and on alert compared to his younger brothers. Jamie was already fast asleep in the stroller and Charlie was close behind.

As they rounded the corner, a playground presented itself in front of them, and Matt sprinted ahead right away. His mother still had the chance to yell a warning of any sort of danger that he should look out to, but she also knew he couldn't care any less.

"Boys!" Castle exclaimed shaking his head as he smiled down at Beckett. "I used to be one of those too, and believe me, when I say that my mother had her hands full with only one child."

Castle was then rewarded with one of the most beautiful smiles he had ever seen in his life.

"No offence, but for some kind of reason I get this feeling that what you're telling is true", Beckett stated shifting Charlie in her arms, so she could feed him. The little guy had been so hungry that he finished his bottle in a matter of minutes. Next Beckett cradled him with his stomach up against her chest.

"None taken. It is true" Castle emphasized without flinching while his eyes wouldn't leave the almost sleeping child resting in Beckett's arms. A long silence followed. "You're doing very well with the guys" Castle told her truthfully, as one of his fingers ever so tenderly brushed over Charlie's baby fingers. "I have no clue how you're doing this. Alexis was such an easy child, and I already thought that when she was a baby, that one would be enough."

He had no clue why those words sputtered out of his mouth. He no longer had control over them.

"Well, if you don't mind me saying so, I think you did a wonderful job at raising her. She is a very lovely girl. Beautiful too."

"Eh… the genes run in the family." Castle said with an eye wink, before adding more seriously, "Thank you. But I also had my mother around. She was a great help. It's getting pretty difficult when they walk around and touch everything. I never thought having a child could be so tiring. But then again, sleepless nights also do the trick."

Beckett cautiously gazed down at her son who was finally sleeping. Both adults thought the same thing at the same time. _Finally_.

"Well Matt is this big boy. He wants to be the big brother and he is. As a baby he was either sleeping or eating. That was it. Same with Charlie here. Jamie was and still is a whole different story though. I never put much stock into clichés about the aspects of a middle child, but I have to say that some days, I just… I don't know what to do with him. It's a lot sometimes."

Castle's sympathy for Beckett increased by the minute.

"So, you're a preschool teacher?" he questioned longing to make more small talk with the woman; maybe even get to know her a little bit more. His daughter was right, so far Beckett was a very loving person.

"Yes, but only part-time. I know I should work full-time, but with three boys growing up fast, I just don't want to miss out on things, even if it means that we have to live short on money. It's a big price to pay for but I manage quite all right."

Kate Beckett was briefly lost in her own thoughts and somehow Castle knew that there was more to come, so he merely sat, watched and waited for her to continue. Every once in a while his gaze drifted over onto the playground making sure that Matt was doing all right there, but with Alexis nearby, he knew the young boy to be in good hands.

"I never expected to end up being a single mother of three after all." Kate's gaze constantly remained trained on sleeping Charlie in her arms. She didn't know where else to look at anyway. Here she was sitting next to a complete stranger, opening herself up to him, like she never had ever before. For some kind of unknown reason she trusted the man. She felt like she could tell him all the things that were on her mind, and he wasn't going to be judgemental. He was going to sit here and listen to whatever she had to say.

"I don't know how much Alexis told you about us, but…"

Castle's voice was very serious when he cut her words softly. He instinctively knew that the woman was in desperate need to let everything out, and with Alexis' words on his mind, he decided to give this a shot.

He reached his hand to grab her free one, "Well, for what it's worth for, I think he didn't deserve you. I don't know the guy, but no matter what, I would never be able to turn my back on my children, if I were in his position. Alexis didn't tell me a lot, but it was already enough for me to conclude that he's a scum back. I hope I didn't offend you. It wasn't my intention."

"No, that's okay. You are right. I mean,… " Tears were by now brimming in the young woman's eyes. Castle handed her a paper handkerchief which she thanked him for, "I know we have had more downs than ups, but I just never expected this outcome… I just don't understand it. From one day onto another, and then he was gone. Out of my life. No matter how much it pains me, I don't care, even if I should, but I don't… but not the boys. They still don't understand… hell, I didn't even know what to tell them. I eventually had to tell them that their father wasn't going to come back."

"How long ago it happened?"

"Six months…" Beckett sniffled and blew her nose. "He's gone and I'm stuck running from counselling to counselling with the boys. Matt keeps everything to himself like a big boy and Jamie has turned into a rather physical aggressive child. It pains me to see already now that Matt is trying to help me whenever he can. He shouldn't feel obliged to do so, I mean, taking over certain responsibilities. He's a child and he shouldn't worry about grown-up stuff. He wasn't like that last year."

Her eyes followed her words, when she heard Matt calling for her. He stood atop the biggest slide and waved his hand frantically down at the pair. They both waved back.

"Sorry, I shouldn't put this out on you."

"That's okay. You needed to talk… I'm all right with it, so no worries."

His blue eyes were burning their way into her soul through her green eyes. It pained him to see this loving person struggle with her life. Castle instantly knew that Alexis had been right – not that he ever thought her to be a liar – but Kate Beckett was indeed a very nice person.

"Yes, but still. I feel guilty… I'm sure you have your own problems."

Castle again shook it off with a smile, his eyes still resting on Charlie. It was a long time ago since Alexis had been that small.

"How old are they precisely?"

Kate Beckett was still lightly shaken by her initial words, a few sobs still brimming at the edge of her lips.

"Charlie will be one next month" Castle loved to see the faintest of smiles itching at the corner of her lips at the mention of her youngest already celebrating his first birthday soon. He remembered all too well how fast the first twelve months went by in a matter of no time. "Jamie's three and a half, and Matt just turned six last month."

A short while later Matt and Alexis joined the pair as the oldest one claimed to be hungry. Beckett gazed up at Castle and couldn't help refrain from rolling her eyes at her ever starving progenitor. Castle chuckled softly to himself while unconsciously stretching out his arms. Just as he did, Beckett just as mechanically laid sleeping Charlie into his arms, so that she could rummage in her backpack for some crackers. Castle cradled the baby up against his chest ever so careful as to not wake the little guy. Jamie on his side was still fast asleep in the stroller, and before they knew it, all six of them were on the way again.

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_tbc_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Spending six hours non-stop in the zoo, walking around with three boys in tow was very exhausting. Castle was no longer used to such sort of stressful activity, although he came to enjoy the Beckett's quite a lot. He though felt very relieved when Jamie was done with his nap, so that Charlie was strapped in the stroller again. It had been a long time since he had carried a baby around. No matter how much it warmed up his heart to hold such a tiny child in his arms again, Charlie sure easily weighed his twenty pounds. Gentleman he was, he gladly had taken over that responsibility for Beckett. His back might regret that decision tomorrow, but it was still worth it.

Unfortunately, in order to exit the zoo, they had to walk through the gift store. It didn't surprise him at all, when Jamie got overzealous. Many exclamations and questions like "Mummy, look at this!, Mummy did you see this? Mummy can I have this?" followed. Beckett rejected each and every single request, reminding him constantly of their low budget.

"Come on, it's the least I can do!" Castle beamed, juggling and mimicking a plush monkey in front of Beckett's narrowed eyes.

For the past hours Kate Beckett had tried to resist to his charming grin. Every time he did that, a tingling feeling rose throughout her entire body. She couldn't quite understand why such a simple smile had that kind of effect on her. She knew all those smiles all too well, and until today she had always managed to suppress those butterflies growing in the pit of the stomach. She hated feeling that way and let out a groan.

"I really don't appreciate that you give into them. I don't want Jamie to grow a big head and get the idea that he gets spoiled any time he wants." She pointed out with a warning, yet threatening, look in her eyes.

"Yes!" Castle exclaimed childishly, dropping a hasty chaste kiss onto her cheeks, which left Kate Beckett completely staggered. Somehow she had the feeling that the only adults here, were Alexis and herself, despite Alexis legally still being a child.

Strolling through the gift store she found it was easier to control her own children than one full grown man. More than a couple of times she had to slap his fingers off items which were mentioned as DO NOT TOUCH. Matt giggled along side, very conscious of his mother's prying eyes, Charlie made gurgling sounds every time Castle was making funny faces at him and Jamie was harder to contain than ever since he went along with Castle's behaviour.

"Dad! Stop it!" Alexis suddenly exclaimed out of the blue, somewhat startling Beckett. "I really need to apologize for my dad here, Kate. He can be quite the child."

Her words didn't go unnoticed by her father as he set a hat atop of her head, "What do you think of that one pumpkin? That could be a nice treat for our next jungle expedition." The older Castle said with sparkling eyes of pure excitement.

"Wow!" Matt couldn't believe his eyes when Castle slumped a huge pile of items at the cashier.

Amongst the pile were several plush animals, figurines, items for his so-called jungle expedition, and several stationery items like pencils, pens, erasers that the boys could use for school. Kate Beckett thought that he must have at least purchased one of each available article in the store, or at least, so it seemed.

"You can't buy all of these!" Beckett muttered into his ears.

"Oh, don't worry. Most of these are for Alexis and I." Castle literally beamed from ear to ear.

Beckett let out a sigh of annoyance, something that didn't go unnoticed by Alexis. Hopefully her father's eagerness wasn't going to backfire her plans. So far the two adults had enjoyed their time together. During the entire visit Alexis had managed to steal a glance their direction ever now and then. Somehow they made it back to their respective cars without too much inconvenience. Castle wanted to be of Beckett's help but altogether he was more in the way than anything else.

"Mom, did you know that the noise a Tiger does is called a growl?"

"Yes" Beckett acquiesced.

"Rick told me so! And he also told me that the babies are called cubs. Did you know that too?"

"Yes I did. Now would you please fasten your seat belt!"

"Rick knows a lot of things, you know?"

Kate Beckett didn't know what to answer to that statement her eldest had just made. He was right though. Richard Castle knew many facts about the animals of the zoo. As if the tall writer could read Beckett's mind, although he had caught on Matt's words, he said,

"As a young child, I went at least once per month to the zoo with my nannies. Somehow it rubbed off on me." Castle shrugged and flashed the widest grin he could master at Beckett, a smile that could easily make her go weak in the knees. Deep inside she could feel her heart skip a beat but tried not to let it show. The temptation to give into his smile was very dangerous territory. A territory she didn't want to befall. It was way too easy to play with somebody's feelings.

"Thanks for…"

"No, thank you…" Castle interrupted as he grabbed her right hand a whispered the softest of kisses onto her knuckles. "What a beautiful day to spend with a beautiful woman." He summarized like he would in one of his books. "So, are you guys up for dinner at all?"

"Oh no… Please…"

"Come on, is there anything better than ending this day with a dinner?" Beckett felt the worst was yet to come. She wouldn't let him pay for any more than he already did. "Nothing fancy, don't worry. We'll just grab a bite to eat somewhere. Oh!" he jumped up as an idea struck him, "I know this great place with the best burgers ever. The boys are gonna love it!" He emphasized.

Kate Beckett struggled with her emotions. Did he always get his way? He probably did, she answered her own question before giving in when she heard Matt and Jamie happily exclaim their enjoyment at the prospect of a burger.

* * *

_tbc_

**A/N: I love giddy and childish Castle… loool. Have a nice weekend every one!**


	9. Chapter 9

**134 Followers – how about a review? ;o) That would be beyond happy! Thanks for signing up and reading though!**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Richard Castle! How's it going? Long time no see." The waiter greeted them while shaking hands with the author before pulling the young teenage girl into a warm hug. "Look at you! All grown up! A real lady." He continued his myriad of fascination. "And who is this lovely young lady?"

Kate Beckett felt her cheeks warm up at the waiter's flattering words while Charlie hid his head into his mother's neck. Alexis was holding hands with Matt and Jamie.

Castle introduced the Becketts to the waiter before he guided them to their table. Sitting down Alexis sat between Kate and Jamie on one bench, while Matt and Castle sat opposite of them on the other bench. Both adults sat at the edge of the table where Charlie was sitting in his high chair flashing all of them his four toothy adorable smile.

"Ma-ma!" he babbled holding a spoon up into the air. As soon as Beckett had fetched it out of his curious fingers, he managed to get hold of the spoon resting on Castle's side.

"No, Charlie!" Beckett warned as both adults unconsciously went to snatch the cutlery. Unwillingly Castle's hand wrapped around hers, who was in return holding Charlie's tiny hand. Sparks flew between the couple instantly.

"I… uh…sorry", Castle mumbled and removed his hand off hers just as fast as it had happened.

Alexis on her side couldn't help from smiling. She couldn't quite believe that her cunning plan was actually working. Before her father and Kate had met, she instinctively knew that they would get along well together, despite not having a lot in common. Somehow Alexis knew that they sure would complete each other. How they would? She didn't know, but now she had proof enough.

"Excuse me? Are you Richard Castle, the writer?"

In front of them stood a young teenager. Flashing her his ten thousand watt smile, Castle said, "Indeed" and quickly scribbled down his autograph onto the sheet of paper she had handed out to him. When he was done and the girl had left with an everlasting beam on her face, he spoke "A fan!" and winked at Beckett. "Sorry 'bout that", he added once he noticed Beckett's slightly discomfort.

"It's all right." Beckett felt the urge to shake it off. "You get that often?" She though couldn't keep herself from asking after a while.

Castle shrugged, "Eh, sometimes."

"Mummy? I want chicken nuggets! And fries! And ice-cream" Jamie barged in between their conversation.

Deciding to give it a rest, Castle spoke to Matt, "What do you want buddy? The cheeseburger is excellent."

Matt fervently shook his head at his mother, clearly approving Castle's suggestion.

"Me too! I also want a cheeseburger, Mummy!" Jamie threw in.

"No you can't have the same I have!" Matt retorted instantly.

"Yes I do!"

"Why does he always have the same as I do! It's not fair!" Matt sulked crossing his arms over his chest in sign of protest, kicking his brother in the chin beneath the table. Jamie yelped in pain and threw himself across Alexis' lap to get to his mother.

"Mattie!" Beckett scolded her six years old while soothing down the younger one. "You can both have cheeseburgers, all right? No need to fight about it! I want you to behave now, is that understood? We're in a restaurant here and other people would also like to eat peacefully. So, no screaming, yelling or running around!"

Matt sat in his corner with a pulled lip, Jamie was slowly calming down and Charlie was busy making gurgling sound at Castle's tickles. They soon placed their order and were rapidly served afterwards. Half way through the meal Matt spilled his soda across the entire table, leaving Beckett barely any time to eat her own meal since she was more preoccupied with Charlie stuffing his fingers everywhere and Jamie who had put ketchup sauce all over his t-shirt. When Charlie started to get restless in his chair, Castle lifted him up into his lap. The little boy's eyes went wide open when he finally came to rest onto the stranger's lap. Beckett thought he was going to cry out for a second there, but his pulled lip soon turned into a full smile.

"Fred?" Castle called out for the waiter. "Would you have some mashed apples for Charlie, here?" Fred nodded his head, rushed into the kitchen and appeared a minute later with requested dessert. "Thank you very much. And I'm sure the boys would like some ice-cream right?"

"Yes! Chocolate!" Matt said enthusiastically.

"I want strawberry!" Jamie claimed.

They each ordered their favourite ice-cream flavour and soon they had to leave since it was almost time for Charlie to go to bed. It had been a very long day for all of them. Castle drove behind Beckett since he still had some purchased items from the zoo in his car. He insisted and Beckett gave in. By the time they arrived at the Beckett's place Jamie and Charlie were sleeping. Alexis took Charlie into her arms and Beckett, Jamie. Everything went rather fast while Beckett instantly got the boys ready for bed together with Alexis, Castle had to climb the fly of stairs a couple of times with the toys and stroller, and whatnot.

"All set?" Castle asked his daughter, who nodded.

"I'll be waiting downstairs in the car." And with that she had disappeared, purposefully making a beeline.

"Kate?" Castle called out her name, but not receiving any answer he walked to the back of the flat where the bedrooms were and peaked his head in each room that presented itself in front of him. "Kate... I… I'm so sorry." The very second he noted his faux pas, he turned on his heels, closing his eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. Had he just witnessed Beckett nursing her youngest? Yes, he did. But it hadn't been his intention to step that far into her privacy. He merely had wanted to wish her goodnight.

He heard her shuffling behind him and seconds later she stood right next to him with a soft blush on either side of her cheeks. In the dim lit room, she looked even more beautiful than she did before. Even if she had traded her jeans and t-shirt for a loose tank top and a pair of sweat pants.

"I'm really sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay. No need to hyperventilate. You know it's a natural thing to do to…"

"Of course… of course, I…" he nervously gulped a couple of times, trying to keep his eyes fixed onto hers and not further south. Thoughts were flashing through is brain for the split of a second and he needed to focus.

"You couldn't know, and I thought you had left already when I heard the door shut".

Castle's eyes travelled to said door. "That was Alexis", as if Beckett weren't able to put two and two together. "She's waiting in the car. I… I should go… you're probably tired." He could see the sleep deprivation in her eyes. "And Alexis is waiting…"

It was very unlike him to stutter like a four year old but somehow the presence of Kate Beckett next to him rendered him speechless.

"I just wanted to… to say goodnight, and thanks for this afternoon."

"I should thank you, Castle. You're the one who paid for everything. I don't know how I could make this up to you." she sighed, feeling a tad bit ashamed about the load of money he had spent without even knowing them.

"No need to. I could see the boys were having the time of their life. I'm glad I could make it a special day out for you,…them…I mean all of you." He quickly corrected himself as he couldn't stop thinking how beautiful she was to his eyes.

Kate Beckett was very unlike the other women he had dated over the years and even lately. She had a natural beauty that didn't request a full make-up artist job. Her dark brown hair was shimmering in the semi darkness and her eyes were literally glistening. The soft red colour on either side of her cheeks were too much for him to resist suddenly, as he leaned in and brushed a soft kiss against her left cheek, that took her by surprise. Her look said it all.

Castle feared his ever growing smile was never going to fade away again.

"Good night Kate", he whispered. He gave her one last glance but she didn't move. He opened the door, walked out into the hallway with door knob in his hands. "Don't forget the door", he last spoke, closing the door behind him.

Castle waited. It took a couple of seconds before the door was locked. Only then did he turn on his heels, able to let go, knowing they would be safe for the night.

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_tbc_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I would like to take a minute here to send out an official big THANK YOU to my beta! Thanks for the endless long reviews, deep insight and continuous help to make this story what it is! **

**145 Followers. How about each one of you leaves me a word after this update? That would make my day so much better… work sucks… :o(**

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**Chapter 10**

"Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?" Castle started reading the title printed on the front cover page of the children's book Beckett had handed out to him.

He gazed up from the hardback and beamed at Beckett with an eye wink. Fifteen preschoolers were sitting all clustered together on the big round [i]_reading carpet_[/i], as they used to call it. Thus fifteen pair of eyes were staring at Castle, rather impatient for him to start the tale. One child was missing and was instead sitting in Beckett's lap. The little girl's attention rested some place else, far away from here. At least so it seemed to Castle.

As so very often Castle noted Beckett's rosy cheeks. She looked pretty in her summer dress, and ever since he had stepped foot into this classroom he had only had eyes for her. He was unusually distracted by every move she made, just like on their zoo trip.

They hadn't spoken in a couple of days. Just a few emails exchanged to set up a date for the reading at her school. Beckett would be lying to herself if she were to say that she hadn't been waiting for this day to come fast enough. So would Castle. He had been counting down the days. Alexis had found him daydreaming more frequently, and smart as she was, she knew perfectly well the reason of his distraction. Her plan was working, and so she didn't need to worry when her father had made up a false lie to hide his real thoughts from her. She didn't say anything and merely nodded her head at whatever he said.

Castle went on with the reading and all the children were listening carefully to what he had to say. Even Beckett found herself carried away by the soft tone in his voice. He truly knew how to read to children. She was mesmerized by his reading skills and secretly wondered how a person could possibly be so gifted at reading. She could easily sit here and listen to his voice for hours on end.

In between lines, Castle couldn't help himself from gazing at Beckett who was busy trying to bring the girl's attention onto the reading. The girl nodded or shook her head at whatever Beckett was saying to her. His mind was too fogged and too focused onto his task at hand. He guided his attention back to the book. In the corner of his eyes he could still see the girl this time leaning her back against Beckett's chest and listening to his words.

"Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear?" Castle had fetched the second book out of pile of books Beckett had laid out for him.

At the children's cheer, he knew he picked the right book. He did his reading just like with the previous book, and when he was done, the children spread around the room, fooling around while they teacher wasn't paying attention to them for the split of a moment.

"Kids! No shouting!" Beckett reminded them and briefly had to step in between two boys who were fighting about building blocks. "Just take the red ones Tyler, and Donnie… why don't you play with the blue ones this time, huh? They are all the same, just a different colour"

A smile grew on Castle's face as he stowed a couple of his papers into his backpack. Donnie pouted and was definitely not thrilled about the fact that HE was the one who needed to play with the blue blocks.

"Next time you can play with the red ones, and Tyler will use the blue ones, all right? Just go with this and I will be right back with you, okay?"

Donnie nodded hesitantly.

"All settled again?" Castle spoke up, making Beckett spin around.

"Yes, sorry, I just had to…"

"It's okay. I know you still have class. It's your job." he said a little bit wearily.

Standing in the middle of the classroom with a bunch of toddlers scampering about the place threw Castle twelve years back in time. It was a long time ago since Alexis had been that small and young. He loved children, he always had. After finishing school, Castle had thought many times about becoming a teacher but never pursued his vocation. Instead he had decided on writing books, mystery novels at that. Maybe this was one reason why he loved giving readings to schools. It would take his mind off the horrible things that were filling his brain day in and out. After all he wanted to be as realistic as possible in his books, and that required some long hour researches on websites and through books. It took those gruesome thoughts off to more joyful ones. Every time he got to spend time with Beckett, he was sort of brought back to life.

"Well, thank you for coming. The kids loved it… apparently."

A boy and a girl were playing catch around the couple. The girl making roaring sounds, clearly impersonating some sort of wild animal.

"A.J.!" Beckett brought the girl to a halt. "Stop chasing Aaron. Can't you see, you're scaring him!" A.J. would hear none of it, "If you don't stop, you go to the time-out zone." A.J. continued and thus Beckett had to settle her down onto a chair standing by the window. " Five minutes A.J." The girl pouted and stomped her feet.

Castle sighed, "They are very active!", still mesmerized at how well Beckett seemed to handle every incident that presented itself. After a hectic day at school, Beckett would go home where three energetic boys were pleading for her attention.

"They aren't that bad. It's rather calm today because two are sick at home, and Amy has only had a brief moment before." At Castle's curious look, she continued, "The girl… the one who sat in my lap during your reading. She's epileptic. Just one seizure today… a minor one at that, right at the beginning of your reading."

"Oh…" Castle was kind of taken aback. His eyes inadvertently travelled to Amy sitting on the floor playing with a doll. He didn't know what else to say because he didn't know anything about epilepsy.

"It was an absent seizure that consists of daydreaming. It's quite hard to depict, but to a trained eye it doesn't go unnoticed. Her consciousness is temporarily impaired meaning she is unaware of what is happening. They last a few seconds. She's not responsive during her seizures. It's much more time consuming if she has a generalized tonic-clonic seizure."

"At first I thought she wasn't interested…"

Beckett flashed him a full smile that made his heart skip a beat instantly.

"No… definitely not. Amy loves to read books."

Little by little the classroom was getting louder and louder, sign for Beckett to get back to work. She made the children sit down onto their respective little chairs and handed a paper to each one of them they could colour, and then followed Castle to the door.

"Hey… uh… do you have time for a cup of coffee? I mean, if you want.. I… uh…" Castle's stuttering was back and he hated it that Beckett was able to turning him into mush by a simple smile and look into his eyes.

"Oh… I…" she quickly glanced at her watch, "I'm meeting Jamie and Matt right after school and then we have to pick up Charlie at daycare. I'm afraid not… Matt sure has homework and Jamie…"

"It's all right. Don't worry. No rush. I was just… yeah, wondering, but, yeah, I should go." He spoke stumbling over his words again, but he also knew that Beckett needed to bring her focus back to the children, even if class was only for an additional fifteen minutes.

"Thanks again for the reading. It was…"

Her sentence was left unfinished as Castle grinned, "You're welcome. You know where to find me." He winked and disappeared into the distance.

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_tbc_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Another A/N... yes but I feel this is necessary because I would like to THANK all the readers who have left me a note! Thank you for doing this for me! It inspires me to write more!**

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**Chapter 11**

"Beckett!"

Her voice reverberated all the way through the phone to his apartment loft in Tribeca. The smile on his face grew an inch wider at the melodious tone in her voice.

"Hi, it's me. Richard Castle", his deep hoarse voice filtered through to her ear.

"Oh, hi!" she greeted him back, "No, Jamie, put that down!" Beckett's attention was instantly distracted by her middle child who was behaving very energetic again tonight. On the other end of the phone line Castle had no clue what was going on, but Beckett was obviously upset with her son. She briefly needed to put the phone down in order to scold her three old. All Castle could hear for the next minute were some muffled voices but nothing distinct until Jamie's loud cries pierced through to his bones.

"Sorry about that…" He could hear a door close on Beckett's side. She sighed.

"Everything all right?" Castle couldn't help from asking since Beckett sounded quite tired despite the brief conversation they had had.

"Yes… I mean no… I don't know. I… he's been driving me nuts all day long. He wouldn't listen to a word I say. It's been a long day."

Castle knew that she just slumped her body into the soft cushions of her couch. He could mentally see her lay there, her feet propped up and resting onto the small table standing in front of her.

"That was Jamie, right?" Castle wanted to make sure.

Out of pure exhaustion all Beckett managed was a nod of her head, and when she realized that she was actually having a phone conversation, she added a soft hum as a reply. Silence settled in between them, until Castle remembered the reason of his call. Then again, this might be a bad idea, she sounded very tired.

"So, I take you're not up to join me at the movies, do you?" He still dared asking. In the hope to still get a positive answer from her, he quickly added, "I actually wanted to go see that movie with Alexis, but she just told me that she has already seen it with one of her friends, so I was thinking of you… and, uh… kinda hoped you'd be interested… I… you know. And Alexis is okay watching the boys if you want."

He had kept the cherry for the top of the cake last. This should do the trick, he thought to himself, rather conceited.

"Oh, I don't know"

Castle felt like his heart had just been ripped in two.

"It's just a movie… If we hurry, we can still make it for the 8 o'clock session. You'll be home way before midnight to catch a much needed beauty sleep. Come on!" He wasn't going to take no for answer today.

Beckett sighed, "Okay, but just the movie."

"Sweet!" Castle exclaimed giddily into the receiver. "We'll be there in fifteen." and with those words he was gone.

Beckett probably gazed at her cell phone for half an eternity. She couldn't believe that Richard Castle somehow tumbled into her life out of the blue. He was no longer some sort of stranger, a best selling author whom she had a secret crush on. No, he was real and he wanted to take her to the movies, but she would never admit out loud that she had any kind of feelings for him.

Kate Beckett had always had a feeble for the tall writer. She had tried to repress that overflow of emotions capturing her every time a new book made it to the top sale. She was very well aware of the mass of women surrounding him when he walked on the red carpet. Never ever – not even to this day – would she have thought of Richard Castle being a very sweet and kind man. Not even in her craziest dreams. The fact that he was all that, and so much more, was beyond her. She was eventually going to wake up from that dream.

"Mom? Mom?" Matt was standing in front of his mother waving his hand and shaking her awake. When she gazed up into her son's eyes he said, "Somebody knocked at the door!"

"Oh… Oh my god… I…" Kate Beckett was on her feet instantly. She needed to get dressed, she needed to open the door, she had to feed Charlie, she needed to put her sons to bed… no…

"Mom! The door!"

She eventually woke out of her haze and finally opened the door only to find a worried Castle and Alexis literally staring her down.

"Hi, I'm sorry… I… I'm not dressed… I need to…" Beckett babbled as Alexis walked past her and immediately took over her job as a babysitter. Hugs with Jamie and Mattie were exchanged.

"What do you mean you're not dressed? Jeans, shirt, shoes, scarf… no make-up! Perfect!" Castle mumbled taking a good look at her from head to toe with a smile and pulled on Beckett's arm as she started rattling off a list of things to do to Alexis.

"I got it all covered, Kate. No worries! Charlie, milk, bed. Jamie no TV and Mattie, cough syrup. I got it."

"Thanks pumpkin." Castle casually leaned in and placed a tender kiss against his daughter's temple. "I owe you big time."

"Don't hesitate calling me if…"

Kate Beckett didn't have time to finish her sentence as the door shut right behind her, leaving her baffled. She didn't know whether she should be furious or just… There was that smile on Castle's face again. His eye brows were silently asking her what she was waiting for, they were running late.

"I'm not dressed!" she stated still utterly confused. Millions of thoughts were flashing through her brain and none of them made sense, at least not until she had organized them. She hadn't even had the time to say goodnight to Charlie…and Jamie… and Mattie. She had never left them without wishing them sweet dreams.

"You're looking beautiful!" Castle blurted absent mindedly, without registering his words. Neither did Beckett. The only thing on her mind, were her boys on the other side of the wall, and Castle only spoke those words in order to get her moved. She looked beautiful to him no matter what. She wasn't not dressed.

"Just five minutes…" Beckett managed to get out before unlocking the door faster than speed light.

He went after her nervous and gazed at his watch on end. They were running late.

Five minutes later she stood next to him, clad in a pair of dress pants and turtle neck pullover. It looked slightly more than casual. Castle eyes were wide open and Alexis feared for his jaw to drop to the floor.

"Breathe dad", she whispered against his cheek, standing by her father's side while balancing Charlie on her hip.

"Ready?", he gulped heavily at the beautiful woman waiting for him. She simply was stunning. One second she was a hands on mom, and now she looked… he had no words. Although there were many that could describe her so well, and yet, he knew there weren't enough words to exactly relate how she looked like to his eyes.

"Yes", she smiled up at him. That smile was easily making him go weak in the knees. "Night Charlie, mummy loves you…" she kissed her youngest son's head. Castle was mesmerized at the love and devotion the woman felt for her children. Dressed the way she was, and cooing her baby was even hotter than he ever thought possible.

He quickly stored his crazy fantasies far off in his mind and instead very gentlemanly held out his arm with a wide grin on his face. She laced her arm into his and they both were ready to stroll into the darkness of the night.

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_tbc_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N 1: I haven't had the time yet to reply to each review but will catch up with it as soon as I can. It's either updating, or answering reviews LOL… I thought you might prefer the update. Ain't I right?**

**A/N 2: Rating – slightly PG-13 in my POV**

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**Chapter 12**

"Well, home sweet home." Castle exhaled before turning off the engine once the car was parked in front of the five storey building Beckett lived.

Systematically her eyes went up the building as a soft smile grew on her face.

"Thanks a lot", she literally beamed all over with a tad of blush on either side of her cheeks.

Beckett nervously pulled one lost strand of hair behind her ear. She didn't want to feel like a teenager again, but with Richard Castle sitting right next to her, that was easier said than done. The fact that he also had reached out to hold her hand during the movie had given her chills all the way through her body, and every time she felt him shift next to her elicited new butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She had managed to keep herself cool, but now, with the impending end of the evening, the same emotions came back to surface.

A yawn involuntarily slipped from her mouth. This was Castle's cue as he opened his door, got out and skipped to the passenger's door to help Beckett out of the car. He safely locked the vehicle before they entered the residency. On the fourth floor they stepped out of the elevator and silently walked up to her door. The closer they got, the more nervous Beckett felt. She was very well aware that by now she would be beet red.

"You okay?" Castle pondered out loud when Beckett was unable to meet his eyes.

She nodded but didn't say a word. With the tip of his fingers Castle lifted her chin, moved his face so their noses were almost touching and kissed her gently when she didn't flinch. Her lips were wet and soft against his. Castle longed for more. He wanted to taste more of her, so he opened up and brushed his tongue tentatively over her lips. When their tongues touched, a sweet moan escaped from Beckett. Her entire body was covered in goose bumps right away as they slowly touched, felt and got to know one another's moves. Beckett was sure that she had never been kissed that way before. A while later they parted in need for air with their foreheads leaning against one another.

Beckett couldn't help biting her lower lip since she still had that tingling feeling of his tender lips against hers, and she missed it already.

"Wow" Castled murmured still fighting to catch back his breath. He couldn't quite believe that a kiss made him feel the way he did right then. His thumb caressed her lower lip she just bit. "That was…. amazing, Kate." he breathed huskily.

His hands unconsciously moved down onto her hips, he gently held her in place and went for a second kiss. When he felt Beckett's hands slip around his neck, he went deeper into the kiss. He was hungry for her, for more. He feared that if he stopped, he would never taste the cherry on her lips ever again. He wanted this kiss to last forever.

All of a sudden they were both abruptly brought back to reality when the scream of a baby filled the air. Castle and Beckett both knew it was Charlie on the other side of the door. Seconds later Beckett felt her phone vibrate.

She fetched it out of her pockets, "Alexis?" The girl spoke to the woman, "I'm in the hallway. I'll be right there." she said as fast and low as she could and hang up. "Charlie…"

But Castle didn't need any further explanation and took a step away from her, so they could enter her flat. The second Charlie spotted his mother, his cries increased as he leant forward with arms flailing above his head, making it hard for Alexis to hold him still. Beckett didn't hesitate and lifted her son up into her arms.

"Shhh baby… mommy's here", she soothed, rocking him softly against her chest, but Charlie kept crying and sobbing. She picked a paper tissue out of the dispenser and tried to clean his nose but he was so wrapped up in his agony that Beckett knew it would take more than a couple of seconds to calm her son down.

"He was sleeping just fine until fifteen minutes ago." Alexis tried to give as much details as possible to her friend, "He'd lost his pacifier so I gave it back and stayed with him, but he didn't go back to sleep. Instead he started crying. I lifted him out of the crib and paced up and down, but he kept on crying."

"It's okay Alexis, don't worry."

"He's been crying ever since. I didn't know what else to do."

"It's okay. It really is." Beckett softly spoke to the girl with reassuring words.

She was the mother and it was right for Alexis to call her if her son had been crying for that long already non-stop. Beckett knew the girl all to well by now. Alexis was worried and she wanted to do her job right, which she always did. Beckett was very lucky to have found her as her new sitter. There was nobody else in this world whom she trusted her children more than with Alexis.

"He's running a fever…" Beckett said expertly once she registered her son's rising body heat and rosy cheeks. "I think we're set for some more teeth, huh?" she spoke softly, still soothing her son. Alexis had left the room and returned with some medication for Charlie. "Thank you!"

Castle watched as Beckett quickly administrated the meds to Charlie before cradling him up against her chest. There was only so little he could do. Beckett's ever soothing hand caressing her son's back calmed him somewhat. His cries had ceased but he was still sobbing and grumpy. She hoped for the meds to work fast and they did. Sitting on the couch with her son in her arms, she briefly let her eyes slip shut. A minute or two ticked by and the room was filled with silence again.

"I'm so sorry…" Beckett whispered across the room to Castle. Alexis gazed between the pair.

Her father got out of his haze, "Oh don't worry. I was just… you know… I…"

A shy smile grew on Beckett's face.

"I'll wait for you in the car", Alexis jumped in, grabbed her father's key cars and was gone right away. Castle was glad when she was gone. There were still things he wanted to straighten out with Beckett. He didn't get the chance to tell her that…

"She knows…" Beckett admitted candidly, before gazing dreamingly down at her sleeping son.

Castle returned her smile, "She's smart… ", purposefully leaving out the fact that it was all part of her plan. It didn't matter to him anyway because he happened to like Kate Beckett a lot.

"She's a wonderful girl. You did well raising her."

"Thank you, I'll take this as a compliment."

Castle slowly walked up to the couch and sat down next to her. He was torn between his feelings of letting her go for the night and wanting to stay forever by her side. He hadn't had that feeling in a very long while. He felt like he had known Kate Beckett for all his life. It was a very strange feeling, so unknown to him.

"How's the little one?" he whispered and Beckett could sense Castle's hot breath against her cheekbones. Her anxiousness grew all over again.

"Asleep… finally", she hushed, placing a mother affectionate kiss to Charlie's soft dark layer of hair. "I wonder for a long…"

Castle felt with her. He laid his right hand over hers that were covering her son's back to hold him in place. He gently laced one of her hands with his fingers before bringing it up to his lips where he planted several gentle kisses against her knuckles. His warmth made Beckett shudder beneath his touch. He felt it. When she turned her head, he kissed her again. He couldn't help himself. He was caught in this delicious moment where he wanted to be all alone with her. He cared more for her than he had ever cared for any woman who had shared his bed. He was a guy of action. He didn't like to wait long to cross a certain line, but he instinctively knew Kate Beckett to be a different woman. So he needed to do the right thing, take it slow, breathe, and think about any move before making them. He wanted this to work. Besides Kate Beckett came in a package. There was more than only one heart he could break. Her sons seemed to like him so far and he also liked them. It would take longer this time to get to know each other. This wasn't going to be like one night stand or some crazy frolicking about. He knew this was something serious. He was scared… probably because he was aware that the future was unknown.

"Kate… I…" His breathing was heavy again when they parted. Her lips were swollen and Castle longed to kiss them all over again. Kissing her was intoxicating… she was dangerous territory. Every time Beckett bit on her lower lip the urge to kiss her harder amplified. He found that simple gesture so enticing. "Don't do that…" he hummed closing his eyes to regain some self control.

"Rick…"

Beckett was stopped in her words when Charlie switched in her arms, his head now turned towards Castle as the little guy made a tiny snore and let out a long sigh, before sucking on his pacifier again. Castle chuckled to himself. That was the cutest thing he had ever heard.

He dared to caress a kiss onto the tiny baby fingers, "Night little man. Let mummy have some sleep, okay?" he whispered and then rose to his feet, motioning to Beckett to remain seated, but she got up anyway.

"I'm going to put him down." At Castle's hesitation, she gave him the sign to follow her. He trotted right behind her and watched as she lay him ever so careful back into the crib standing beside her king sized bed. There wasn't much room left for anything else but a wardrobe and a dresser. When Beckett spun around, she could hold it no longer and instantly pulled Castle's head down to her lips for one last smouldering kiss.

"We have to stop doing this…" Castle hissed when they broke up for air again.

His piercing blue eyes were glistening down into her greens.

"You're so beautiful Kate and there are things I want to do to you… I just…" he groaned sweetly. "I can't… I mean, we can't… not yet. I want to get this right." Castle babbled trying to look into her eyes but they were downcast. He tilted her chin again. He heard Beckett sniffle, "Don't… please don't… Look at me." When she did, he dried the couple of rolling tears away with his thumbs, "I know this might sound weird to you, but I'm crazy about you… Utterly crazy… I…. so please don't cry. Okay?" he felt her vaguely nod in his hands. "I have to go, but I promise to call you tomorrow, all right?"

She nodded and he placed one last kiss against her lips. He wanted to stay longer. He wanted to hold her in his arms tonight, but he couldn't. His daughter was waiting for him in the car. Both knew that and reluctantly had to let go of each other.

Just like the last time he whispered a soft, "Good night Kate" before leaving the room.

Stepping out of her apartment that very night was the hardest Castle had to do in a long while. He leaned up against the wall once outside and first needed to take a couple of deep breaths. Closing his eyes helped him to do that. When he finally felt ready to let go, he heard the door being locked. He had never acted that over protective in his life, except when it came to his daughter. The feeling was there and he couldn't erase or ignore it. The neighbourhood wasn't the worst the Becketts lived in but neither was it the best. He wanted and needed to know them home safe, and they were now. It was time to let go….

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_tbc_

**A/N: *sniff***


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I hope I sent a reply to each of you who have left a review for chapters 11 and 12. If not, my apologies and please let me know so I can do this asap :P Last but not least a warm WELCOME to my new followers! Thank you! **

**Off to the next chapter we are!**

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**Chapter 13**

Kate Beckett couldn't quite believe what she was seeing, or more precisely, who she was seeing. Far away in the distance sat no other than Richard Castle signing books. The only reason why she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings was that she entered the book store with a list of books to purchase for her eldest son. She silently had wondered to herself what the crowd was all about, but figuring that the store might have some special sales, she hadn't put much further thought into it, as she walked up and down the aisles to find the books she was actually searching for. She had wanted to wander around some more for herself later on. She had finished her last book the previous night, and thus she longed to get some paperbacks for herself too.

She stopped in her trail next to a shelf that contained a vast arrange of culinary books. She hadn't been aware of ogling for a while, until an elderly lady excused herself to walk past her, as she was standing in the midst of the alley.

"Oh I'm sorry…" Beckett apologized and moved aside so the lady could access the cashier.

She could feel heat rising in her cheeks, when she noted Richard Castle smile at each and every single customer/fan once he had signed their book. Some young girls also wanted to have a picture taken with the famous author and he gladly complied to the show.

For some reason Kate Beckett was unable to move her feet, nor did she manage to take her eyes off the man, whom she was secretly falling head over heels with. In the meanwhile she was also struggling to balance the stack of books in her arms. They were starting to put weight.

Minutes later, as she was about to turn on her heels to pay for her books and exit the place for as fast, and as unknown, as possible, a security guard stopped her tracks.

"Excuse me. Are you Miss Beckett?" Kate Beckett could only nod her head since no syllable crossed her lips. "Would you mind following me?"

"May I ask what this is about?" Suddenly words came to her, but they were the wrong ones; after all she recognized the security guard who had been standing by Castle's side the entire time.

The security guard though thought none of it, "Mr. Castle would like to speak to you and requested you follow me."

The man turned around and continued his pace. Kate Beckett had nothing left to do but follow the guy who was merely trying to do his job. She walked past the long line of people still waiting for their autograph and could literally feel a couple of glares going her way. She didn't know whether they were glares of hatred or jealousy, but that didn't matter because they made her very uncomfortable regardless of the intention.

"Kate!" Richard Castle exclaimed beaming all over as he pulled her into a warm hug despite the pile of books in her arms, which she was unable to return. In the same cheery and charming tone he continued, "Ah… I see, you're trying to skip out without having your own _signed_ copy." He balanced his new novel, which he had picked from the top of her pile of books, in front of her eyes. "I'm hurt!"

Kate Beckett didn't know whether she should laugh at his attitude or be mad at him for making her feel so out of place. A long queue of fans were awaiting his autograph and here he stood making small talk with her instead.

"I already got one at home. Thanks!" She threw at him, hoping this would bring that unexpected get-together to an end.

His mischievous smile grew, which made Beckett roll her eyes pathetically.

"Do you have time for a coffee?" he asked her after another while in a softer tone, to keep that part of the conversation more private. "I should be finished within the next hour or so…?"

Though Kate Beckett felt flattered, she mumbled "Oh…I don't know. I have to pick up Charlie, and then we…" Richard Castle's puppy dog face made her change her mind. She hated it, "One hour's fine. I'll be back."

"Meet me at Bosie Tea Parlor on Morton, between Bleecker and 7th?" he challenged her.

Kate flashed him a quizzical look as she became pensive, but still agreed to meet him there within an hour. It would give her enough time to pick up Charlie at daycare, go to the grocery store, have coffee with him, before picking up the other two from preschool and school. It all would need to be done in a rush, but it was feasible.

One hour later Kate Beckett was waiting outside said coffee shop with Charlie strapped in his stroller. Richard Castle was running late. She sighed and hoped it wouldn't take him much longer to finally appear since she needed to pick up the boys from school eventually. Ten minutes later he walked up next to her and placed a kiss onto her right cheek, which made her blush up profusely. She wasn't much of a person displaying herself in public, even if it were for a casual kiss. Castle had sensed her flinch, so he cupped her face with one hand and tenderly brushed his thumb across the rosy cheek. He didn't utter a single word and instead flashed her a grin.

"Shall we?"

Castle very gentlemanly held the door open for Kate Beckett to stroll inside the store, where they managed to catch the last couple of empty seats. They placed their order and were rapidly served afterwards.

"So?" Castle started. "What's new?"

Beckett shrugged, "Same old, same old. Nothing's new…"

Those words left Castle rather befuddled. They hadn't seen each other in two weeks due to Castle's vacation up in the Hamptons with Alexis and his mother. He had tried to get Kate Beckett to join him, but she could be quite the stubborn woman.

"Isn't it Charlie's birthday next weekend?" he pondered out loud, before tickling the boy's sides softly which elicited some cute gurgling sounds out of his throat.

Kate Beckett gazed at her little boy sitting in a high chair where he enjoyed the view across the table and onto the busy streets of Manhattan outside. She lost herself in her thoughts and Richard Castle knew something was up in the air.

"Scott insists being part of it", Beckett spoke softly unable to look Castle in the eyes.

He gulped a couple of times before letting his gaze swift onto the baby. He didn't know much at all about the boys' father, except for his name and the fact that he ran off half a year ago without giving any signs to the family ever since. No phone calls, no letters, nothing… Castle neither was the kind of person to judge, but he definitely didn't like that guy. How dare he leave his family behind? Of course Castle was aware that if it weren't for Scott running off, Beckett and him probably would have never met. It was all circumstantial and still…

When Kate Beckett looked up, tears were brimming in her eyes and Castle hated to see her that way. He loved the smiling Kate Beckett so much better. He also loved it every time she got nervous and bit her lower lip, or when her face was blushing up timidly. Castle lifted Charlie out of his chair and into his lap when he got impatient.

"Kate…" he hushed her first name and grabbed her hand across the table with his free hand, while the other one was holding a firm grip on her son.

Castle knew how much Beckett hated Scott for leaving them, but he also knew that the wounds were still new and that she still had feelings for the father of her children. It was something natural that would take some time to heal. Reason why he never pushed her for something more in their brand new relationship. The only thing he would achieve through that, would be a higher fall to break down. The wall was already high enough as it was.

"How dare he? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to tell the boys? Charlie doesn't understand… at least I don't think so. But Matt and Jamie… I can't do this to them."

Richard Castle was just as clueless as she was. It would be a decision she would have to make. He would simply need to go along with it. They didn't know each other that well yet. So far their relationship consisted of a zoo trip, a couple of casual coffees and readings, and a movie outing.

"You know I can't help you with that…", Castle reluctantly told her the truth and she knew.

"If I tell him not to bother, he might show up at the door step anyway! That is if he hasn't changed his mind till then… He didn't care about Mattie's birthday two months ago! Why does he care now?"

Castle didn't need to answer those rhetorical questions. Kate Beckett was seeking for support and he was going to give that to her.

Her gaze traveled across the table where Charlie was sitting in Castle's lap. Her son flashed her his four toothy grin, which always brightened her darkest thoughts. Charlie was her hope, her little sunshine. He had tumbled unexpectedly into her life, when it was already quite hectic. The couple was struggling to keep it together for Mattie and Jamie's sake, but then Beckett was pregnant again. Her decision to keep the baby had been an additional reason to their daily fights.

"I will be there if you want me to. Alexis too… she's been rattling on non-stop the entire week." Castle informed her. "She missed him, or them to be exact. Made me feel jealous. As if her new boyfriend wasn't enough information to digest already." he added with an eye wink. "Oh… a smile. I love it!" he couldn't help refraining to say when a faint grin showed up on Beckett's lips.

It though quickly faded away again.

"We don't deserve this…"

"Hey…" Castle tried to get her attention again. When he didn't, he brought her hand up to his mouth and dropped several kisses against her knuckles. "I promise I'll be there." Kate Beckett knew his words to be true. "Wouldn't want to miss the little guy's first milestone. Right, Charlie?" he lovingly squeezed his chubby cheeks.

Charlie wiggled his small arms up into the air, "Ma-ma!"

Castle lifted the baby up and handed him back out to his mother. Beckett strapped him back into his stroller right away after noticing the time on her watch.

"I'm sorry but I have to go now. I don't want to be late when the boys get out of school. And thank you for the coffee."

"Sure", Castle smile, "You're welcome", he added, whipping his mouth with the paper napkin before standing on his feet.

He dropped several notes onto the table for the waiter as they headed for the streets again where they spoke their goodbyes.

* * *

_tbc_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Only want to point out that Beckett has never been married.**

**Double update! Chapter 14 and 15 are NEW!**

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**Chapter 14**

"Would you mind open the door?" Beckett requested as the bell rang. Castle gladly complied since she was busy changing Charlie's diaper. He briefly shushed Matt and Jamie as he walked past them drying his wet hands on a white kitchen towel, before throwing it over his shoulder. Dinner was almost ready, so who was interrupting them?

A police officer stood at the door, flashing Castle his badge, a surprised look on his face, "Excuse me, is this Miss Katherine Beckett's house?" the office read from his file.

"Yes, it is." Castle answered politely.

Right that instant Beckett walked into the living room with Charlie attached to her hip as the older two sat down onto the couch to watch some TV. A few glances were exchanged between the three adults before the Police Officer was welcomed inside.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news." he eventually spoke, his eyes travelling onto the boys. "It's about Mr. Scott Cullen. You were listed as his next of kin, so…"

All the while Castle was already envisioning the worst case scenario. He could read Beckett's expression who looked just as confused as he felt, though they both understood the meaning of those spoken words, as she said,

"What happened?" she gulped down her feelings, trying to keep a straight face, but Castle knew her probably better than anybody else, even though they had only known each other for a month now.

"Drunken car driver drove through red, hit right into the driver's side. He never made it to the hospital." At Beckett's saddened and shocked face, he whispered, "I'm sorry for your loss."

All the while Castle was wondering to himself how Beckett managed to compartmentalize her feelings. Her face remained stoic – at least as much as possible. He could see the tears brimming in the corner of her eyes, and yet she tried to remain focused. Though he couldn't really blame her. She just learnt the death of her sons' father.

"Kate!" He breathed her name and hesitantly reached out for her hand. When he didn't sense her rebuke he pulled her frame up against his body into a warm hug with Charlie squeezed sweetly between them.

"We would need you to come to the Precinct tomorrow to sign off some papers." The police officer stopped briefly so that all the information could slowly sink in. "You wouldn't happen to know any other relatives that weren't listed."

Kate Beckett shook her head, "No, Mr. Cullen's parents passed on years ago. He doesn't have any siblings, and I don't know about aunts or uncles. As far as I know he was from California… I just… I don't know."

Castle guided Beckett over to the couch, and within minutes the entire house was upside down. The boys longing to know what was going on and why the police officer was here. Charlie more likely felt the tension in his mother's arm so he started to cry out loud. Castle kindly thanked the officer who gave him the address to the Precinct with a promise to drop by tomorrow.

When the door shut behind the officer, an eerie silence grew across the room, or rather, between the two adults. Castle had so many questions but was too afraid to ask them out loud. Beckett on her side felt like this was all a nightmare from which she would eventually wake up from. She first had loved Scott, she had fallen for him head over heels years ago, then as years went by, that love started to vanish. It's like the flame between them had been long extinguished. They had been living together, for the boys' sake, trying to keep things as familiar as possible, until the dam broke two years ago. That had been the beginning of the end. Beckett had tried to fight for another year, Charlie was born and then four months later he was gone; just like that. She knew it was over… she had known it for a long time, but she never truly expected such an end. If she had to be true to herself, Scott had actually never liked the idea of becoming a father. It was all just pretend. The worst part was that Matt and Jamie loved their father; especially Matt. He had always looked up to his father, wanted his father to play ball with him. Scott never did, never cared. He kept pushing his sons away as if they were a burden. If they were, he should have left right from the beginning. Maybe it hadn't been wise of her to have three children from a man who didn't care, but love had made her blind. She had loved that man deeply. But that love had long dissipated, even if there was still a brim of it buried somewhere deep inside of her.

Castle's voice shook her out of her thoughts, "How are you holding up? Is there anything I can do?"

He didn't know whether those were the right choice of words, but he had to do something. He wanted to do something, but where would he start? He would need Beckett's guidance. He would also need her approval to let him help her. Was she going to let him help her? He hoped so!

Beckett's eyes finally locked with his, "How am I going to tell the boys?" she managed to get out before tears started streaming down her face.

[i]Finally[/i] Castle thought to himself. Instead of answering he opened his arms and she walked right into his embrace, letting her cry softly to herself for a while. Jamie instantly wanted to know what was wrong with his mother.

"Does mummy got owie?"

"No, Jamie." Castle flashed him a reassuring smile. Matt also gazed up at Castle, "Matt, why don't you and Jamie set up the table, dinner's ready, okay? We'll be right there."

The boys disappeared into the kitchen, but Castle still had an eye on them as they set up the table. Matt's eyes every once in a while travelled across the room and onto the hugging pair, until Charlie became fussy again, which was their clue to break apart.

"Are you up for dinner at all?" Castle wondered understandingly. This was meant to be their first dinner together – sort of like a family - and now everything had been pulled upside down with those bad news. It seemed like Castle needed to make his own decisions. "Why don't we eat something first and then we will tell them." Beckett's eyes reflected anger, "We have to tell them Kate… I mean, if you want to be alone, just tell me, but I don't think that's a good idea. I'm here for you…"

He knew he needed to say this out loud to her, in order for her to grasp the signification. If he didn't insist, she would refuse his offer, or even ignore ever asking him whether he could stay with her.

"How? Why?"

Two questions that pained Castle so much. No matter how much hatred he felt towards Scott Cullen for the pain he had caused Beckett, he didn't deserve to die. The boys didn't deserve losing their father in such a tragic way, and Beckett most certainly didn't deserve to live through the death of her sons' father. Nothing was fair. It happened and nobody would be able to change course of time. They had to deal with it, live with it.

Castle dried her tears with his thumbs before brushing his lips tenderly over hers for a brief kiss.

He looked back down into her eyes, "I wish I could make this pain go away, Kate. I wish you wouldn't need to go through this now… but I am glad to be here. I know you are struggling with your emotions and that you are afraid, but please don't push me away, Kate. I want to be there for you and the boys. Please."

"Come on mummy! It's spaghetti time! I'm starving!" Matt started to protest in the background.

Another set of tears flooded Beckett's eyes, "I don't know how I'm going to tell them, Rick. I just don't know…"

"We will find a way, I promise."

"Mom! Charlie… no! Don't touch that!"

Beckett's son's words eventually put her back into mummy gear. Castle didn't know how long she was going to be able to keep it up until the boys fired more questions. For now, they had rested after receiving some evasive replies, but Castle knew that Matt was smart enough to understand that there were deeper issues here.

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_tbc_

**A/N: Next chapter will be the dreading one… For people who are emotionally sensitive, please prepare some tissues!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"What's it mean, mummy?" Jamie asked. His eyes were so confused. He didn't understand his mother's words. He was three years old, almost four and too young to loose his father just like his two other brothers. Jamie sat in Castle's lap with his back leaning up against the tall man's chest. Jamie liked his new friend.

"That means he's dead and he ain't coming back no more!" Matt spat angrily across the couch. He got up and ran out of the room. Seconds later the bedroom door slammed shut.

"Mattie!" Beckett was instantly on her feet and behind him.

"Go away! I hate you!" Castle heard the young boy's shout at his mother's approach, his words went all the way through his bones. His eyes briefly closed shut at the emotions cursing through his body, with the feeling of Jamie leaning up against his chest.

Jamie gazed up at Castle, and then back to where his brother and mother had disappeared. Charlie was contently playing away on his playmate, though he was slightly startled by his big brother's yelling.

"What's it mean, Rick?" Jamie wanted to know from him.

Castle took a couple of deep breaths, thinking over his words and he was glad when the young boy waited patiently.

"It means just like Mattie said. He won't be coming back. Ever. The angels took him away, up to heaven." Castle didn't even know whether Beckett was a religious person or not. "It's okay if you feel sad or want to cry, you know. Okay little man?"

Jamie turned his body sideways to Castle. He shrugged his little shoulders, "I don't like my daddy." the boy told him shyly, yet truthfully. When his eyes diverted back at Castle he could recognize the resemblance with his mother in the boy's green eyes. "He never plays with me or Mattie. He tells us to stay in our room. I like it better with mummy."

"I know Jamie" Castle whispered against the boy's temple as a sudden rush of overwhelming shot through his body. He liked those three boys so much already. "I'm sorry about that, and I'm sorry you won't see daddy ever again."

By Jamie's silence Castle concluded that the boy had little by little gotten used to the fact to no longer have his father by his side. For the past seven months it had been the boys and Kate Beckett. They had been on their own ever since. It was too much asked for a little boy to understand the depth of the loss of his father whom he hadn't seen in seven months. Matt on the other side was a complete different story.

"Are you going to be my daddy, now?" Jamie wanted to know innocently.

Castle tried to go for the best solution, "I don't know that yet, Jamie, but I like your mummy a lot."

The boy's expression was defeated. Apparently it broke his heart more than to never get to see his father ever again. On one hand Castle liked the Becketts a lot, but the truth was he never realized the impact the current relationship was going to entail. Beckett came in a package of four. Of course Castle had known this before hand, but still it would change his life completely if they were to tumble into it. Castle and Beckett weren't at that point of the relationship though yet…

Kate Beckett stepped into the family room again, though very slowly when she noted the bonding currently growing between the two men sitting on the couch. She casually leaned up against the wall. Her growling stomach made Castle turn his head her way, not surprised at all to see her face all puffy and red.

"How is he?" Castle still wanted to know even though he longed to know how SHE felt. Kate Beckett didn't look good and he was already considering for a sleep over on the couch tonight; that is if Beckett would let him, but he also more likely wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Mad" Beckett merely replied. Castle gathered that sad wasn't quite an option yet. It would take some time; lots of time even to heal the wounds. She walked up and sat next to the pair.

"Ma-ma, da!" Charlie babbled away, pointing his chubby finger at one of his toys. He tried to get onto both feet, his legs still wobbly. He tightly held onto the coffee table before rounding it tentatively so he could walk up to his mother. "Ma-ma!" he exclaimed again before shaking his head in the negative.

"You wanna come sit with mummy, Charlie?" She held out her arms and lifted her baby up into her lap. In two days Charlie was going to be one year old. A whole milestone. It seemed like he was born yesterday. Her sons were growing fast and time was flying in a matter of no time. This morning she felt still anxious in case Scott would make himself present at the party, and now… things were just a huge turmoil. She wasn't much in a celebrating mood.

The four sat in silence for a while, until Matt decided to join in the party too. He sat between both adults, his eyes also red from the shed tears.

"Rick?" he eventually cut the silence, "Will you kick ball with me some time?"

Castle smiled at the invitation. He knew how to lift the boy's mood. "I can't play ball, so you'll have to teach me!" and added a playful wink.

"Cool! On Sunday?"

"Sunday's fine by me, if that's all right with your mom."

Matt turned his head at his mother and pulled his lip, while turning on his full charm that Castle knew was going to wrap Beckett around his little finger instantly.

"Please say yes mom! Please, please, please mummy!"

"We'll all go together to the park, okay? It's Charlie's birthday. For now, it's getting late. It's time for bed… come on…" Beckett hurried them with many protest from the youngsters into the bathroom and then into their respective bunk beds.

"Rick too!" Jamie claimed for his new friend, who caught up with them as per their request. "I want a story, mummy!"

All five of them were clustered together in the lower bunk bed as Beckett started to read the book of their choice. Once she was done, they also requested Castle to read a book, so he did. Half way through Jamie was fast sleep, so they decided to call it a day. Beckett was about to wake him up, but Castle gladly lifted Jamie's sleeping frame into the upper bunk bed.

"Night Mattie, we'll finish the book tomorrow. I promise, all right?" Castle spoke softly to the eldest, who for once hadn't objected his mother's decision of cutting the story short.

"Night Mattie" Beckett wished her son sweet dreams, "I'm going to get Charlie to bed too."

Castle nodded his head and watched as Matt tucked Buzz under his arm. He turned off the light and cautiously pulled the door behind him, leaving it ajar for the night. He first went into the kitchen and made quick work of the dishes before catching up with Beckett in her room. This time he was cautious of knocking softly first. To be on the safe side he had even closed his eyes.

"Is it safe to come in?"

"I'm still nursing.. I… sure, I mean…"

Castle smiled at her stuttering cuteness. He opened his eyes to find her standing two feet away and with her back turned towards him. He only needed to take two steps forward to stand right behind her. Looking over her right shoulder he was instantly mesmerized by the feeding child resting in her arms. Charlie was so big in her arms and Castle couldn't help thinking how strange it looked to him to see a child as big as Charlie still nursing. He couldn't be blamed thought because frankly there weren't many expecting females around him.

"I just don't see the rush" Beckett whispered in the dim lit room, but she also understood Castle's reasoning. She knew it was something new to him. Alexis had never gotten the chance to experience that deep connection with her own mother, leaving Castle to bottle feed her. Beckett understood and welcomed him to ask her any question he had. Charlie was on solid food throughout the day after all since he spent his days at day care centre. Beckett though willingly admitted that she also wasn't quite ready to let go of him as a baby as of yet. She loved sharing that bond with her son which she hadn't gotten in return from Scott all those months. She wasn't afraid to let go and since Charlie's night routine consisted in falling asleep in his mother's arms, why not? Nobody could prevent her from that advantage.

Charlie slowly drifted to sleep. Beckett shifted him carefully in her arms to lay him down into the crib. She clasped her bra and straightened her nursing shirt when she felt Castle's glare on her.

"Please don't get me wrong" he started hesitantly, which made her slightly feel out of place, "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I mean, beside the birth of Alexis. I just… you're amazing Kate."

He knew she was blushing even in the dark room where he could only make out the lines of her face and frame. He was little by little falling in love with Kate Beckett. He couldn't fight the growing feelings, and he didn't even want to. Every day he got to spend with her, made him fall harder for her. Never ever would he have imagined falling in love with a hands-on-mother, but here he was, standing in the middle of her bedroom, her bed on one side, a crib with her sleeping baby on the left side and two older boys sound asleep in the room next door. It all seemed like a dream to him, but it wasn't.

He'd always dreamed of having a family, but with Alexis growing older and years passing by he had long since given up that hope. Now all of a sudden, as Kate Beckett tumbled her way into his life with her three boys, it all seemed so real. He wanted that.

They had known each other, what? A month… and here he was already planning his future with Kate Beckett. That definitely was very unlike Richard Castle. But how could he? Two hours ago she lost the father of her sons. He knew she needed time; lots of time, but he also instantly knew that he was willing to wait… willing to take all the hurdles this new relationship would entail. He didn't care at all how long it would take, as long as he had her in his life.

"I… I should probably go…", he brought himself out of his daydream. "Or I could sleep on the couch… if you… I mean… if you want me… if you need me…"

He wasn't surprised at all when she refused his offer. Unconsciously both of them made their way to the main door. She didn't want to let him go, but she was still too afraid to let him in completely. She liked how he cared for her. It felt nice for a change, but she wasn't willing to fall for it that easily again. It was all too soon and so fast.

"Thanks for tonight" she gazed up into his amazing deep blue eyes. "You're an excellent cook."

"Kate…"

"Please" she insisted. She was pushing him away. She knew it and she could see the hurt in his eyes. After what they'd just shared together with Charlie… it was too much. She wasn't ready yet. "I need some time, Rick" she breathed her eyes downcast, while Castle wished there was something else he could do, but he was wise enough to know he shouldn't push, so he let it go.

"See you on Sunday?"

She looked beautiful as every day, but he thought that she looked more beautiful every time he met her. He wanted to kiss her just like the first time. He remembered the sensations that had cursed through his body just by one kiss. It had been amazing. He longed to feel that again.

Beckett nodded her head, "Sunday, Rick"

The fact that she used his first name let him know that they were okay, for now, for tonight. He knew he could let go of her for the next day, he wouldn't see her Saturday but on Sunday.

"Call me if you need anything. Whatever it is? A shoulder to cry on, a hug, anything. Okay?"

It hurt to let go but this is something she wanted to do on her own apparently. He knew she was a strong woman, but was she really going to make it on her own. For now, he would give her the space she needed.

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_tbc_


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: short update… with a tiny cliff-hanger :P Thanks again to all of you who reviewed / PMed / followed / favorited, etc… It means a lot to me!**

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**Chapter 16**

"Kate!" The very second Alexis had opened the door she welcomed the tall woman into a warm hug, while Jamie and Matt were all excited to see Alexis again too. "Grams, this is Kate Beckett! Kate this is my grandmother Martha Rodgers."

"Pleased to meet you." Beckett shook hands with Martha first before the later one pulled her into a welcoming embrace.

"Oh, hello... wow, look at you!" Martha threw at her gazing her from head to toe, "I can see why my son likes you, you're gorgeous! Come on in... Richard!" the elder woman called out for her son in a singsonging voice to let him know about the Becketts' arrival.

Kate Beckett though had only eyes for the vast open loft. Everything looked neat, clean and expensive. Her sons were just as much taken aback, especially Matt who exchanged a few whispered words with his mother.

"Don't touch anything, is that understood!" she warned them with a finger. Jamie merely nodded his head without really grasping the impact of it all. The four stood like frozen at the entrance when Richard Castle eventually walked out of his study. Balloons were hanging from the ceiling, a large banner also hang above the nicely decorated dining table. She could see how much effort he had put into showering Charlie with the best first birthday bash ever. When he called her the previous day he more than insisted figuring that she had other things on her mind right now than throwing a party for her one year old. He was glad to do that favour to her.

"There you are!" He walked up and without second thoughts unstrapped the birthday child and lifted him up into his arms. He dropped a loving kiss onto the baby's cheek. "What?" he pondered shaking Kate Beckett out of her daydream. She shook her head.

"Nothing... Hi..." she flashed him a quick smile, feeling somewhat a twinge in the pit of her stomach whenever he held her son in his arms.

Castle smiled, "Hi. Come on in. I take it you have met my mother." Martha strolled back downstairs upon she had finished her last touches on her make up, "Mother, you met Kate...but I also would like to introduce you to Matt... Jamie... and this here is Charlie. Say hi Charlie."

Charlie mimicked Castle hand wave with a wave of his little hand, which elicited a soft laughter from the older woman.

"Oh, my... isn't he the sweetest. And that smile! And he's got your eyes, darling" Martha spoke to Beckett, fetched her hand and pulled her up to the table so they could eventually sit down and start the party. Everything was new to Beckett - she didn't quite know what to do with herself so she simply followed suit as said. All the while Jamie and Matt stayed close up to their mother, afraid that if they were to touch anything they would be punished again.

Alexis noted the boys uneasiness and showed them where to sit down. She had never seen them that quiet ever. They usually would pick a fight of who gets to sit where, but she also noted their glares going their mother's direction. After several minutes of small talk the boys felt much more at ease since it was quite easy to chatter with either Martha, Rick or Alexis. They laughed at Castle's jokes, listened carefully to the wise words Martha had to say and giggled at Alexis funny faces. Kate Beckett was thus the only person feeling rather absent-minded in this sweet turmoil.

"Hey?" Castle shook her out of her reverie when he touched her hand. "Everything okay?"

Beckett nodded her head faintly, "Yeah... just, you know..."

Castle understood and didn't push further, and simply added, "I would love for you to be part of this, Kate."

"I am... I'm just..." she let her gaze swift around the place before it landed onto her smiling one year old. As always a smile itched at the corner of her mouth at the view of her son. Castle could easily cut the tension with a knife; it was a forced smile... yet a smile with love, except that today it was difficult to smile, to feel happy, to live life to the fullest. He knew perfectly well what Beckett longed to do. To sit at home, crawl into her shell along with her sons and never meet the world ever again. He wasn't going to let that happen. There was a time to grieve for sure, but hiding away from the world wasn't the solution. Life was going on after all; no matter how much it pained.

"Rick! Rick!" Matt patted his shoulder. "Will you come play with me? This is so cool! Mummy, did you see? I got this from Rick too!"

Beckett's eldest son was holding a battery operated car.

Castle flashed her a sheepish smile, "Consider it as a late birthday present... Please?" After promising Matt that he would catch up with him as soon as possible he added. "I wasn't going to throw this party with gifts only meant to Charlie. It's just a little something... nothing big." Castle tried to form the best excuse possible. Jamie had been spoiled with a box of building blocks.

Beckett remained silent and Castle wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing. Studying her facial expression as it softened at her playing sons on the ground. An hour ago the Castle's household was feeling serene, and now, the rug had already disappeared beneath a huge pile of wrapping paper scattered all around the place. She wanted to say something, but refrained herself. It took her a couple of deep breaths; something that didn't go unnoticed by Castle.

"Thank you! Just let them have fun. We'll clean up later. Want some more cake?"

"No thanks... though it was very delicious. Thank you so much!" Blush crept on her face.

Her eyes travelled back onto the floor to her children. Matt was busy driving the car around the living room, while Charlie was trying to chase right behind it. Jamie sat on the couch, bouncing up and down throwing instructions at his brother on how and where to drive. Alexis sat on the floor observing with bemusement the entire scene. Seconds later Charlie stood next to his mother, probably tired from the running around and claimed to sit on her lap instead again. She had been so lost in her trail of thoughts that she hadn't even noticed them clearing the table. Deciding to throw in a hand, she got up and carried a couple of plates over to the kitchen counter.

"Do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into, Richard?" She over heard Martha whispering to her son. The tone in her voice showed worry but also honesty, "Three children! Three boys at that! Don't get me wrong... they are adorable, but are you sure this is something you want!"

"Mother, I know what I'm doing..."

She eyed her son suspiciously, "I'm not sure whether you are one hundred percent aware of what you're doing Richard! It took all but one hour and this place is already a mess!"

"You're overreacting mother! This is absurd, I know what I'm doing... and it is something I want mother. Can't you be happy for me, just for once?"

"I am happy for you Richard, but I'm your mother and I need to make sure that you are truly happy, and not just fooled by your blindness."

Castle scoffed and Beckett took that opportunity to step in with the plates.

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_tbc_

__**A/N: And before you shoot me, I'll try to update tmw! ;o)  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: As promised, here's the update! =) THANK YOU also to my beta! Love ya!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt... you left those on the table, so I... I... "

Castle instantly knew by the look on her face that she had heard part, if not the whole, conversation. He couldn't care less but he truly knew how insecure Kate Beckett could get in that matter. There were just a few things that he still needed to figure out to make her feel at ease. It wasn't going to be an easy task, but he was up to that challenge no matter what. Kate Beckett wasn't going to get rid of him that soon, unless she is no longer willing to give their slowly growing relationship a chance.

"Kate!" He managed to grasp her hand, albeit a tad bit too forceful, which was in no way his intention and instantly let go of her wrist again. "See what you did!" He couldn't help himself throwing at his mother before chasing after Beckett. "Kate!"

"Boys! It's time to go..."

"No... please don't!" He wasn't going to let this slip without a fight.

Jamie and Matt jumped up from the couch, as Alexis stared at them in surprise. Castle quickly begged Alexis to come to his rescue with his eyes. She was more than willing to chip in.

"I got a huge TV screen upstairs. You wanna see it?" The boys nodded and joined Alexis upstairs. Beckett was on the verge of calling her sons back but something kept her from doing that. She breathed in and out a couple of times while straightening her thoughts. Maybe she had been overreacting, maybe not. How could she possibly know? What was she supposed to do now?

"Kate..." Castle stepped a few feet closer to her, then another foot, and yet another one until he was mere inches away from her, careful of every step he took to make sure she would let him in. "I'm sorry you heard that, but then I guess I also don't, 'cause you heard what I said, and what I said was true. I want our relationship to work. I want this..."

Beckett's thoughts were a complete mess, since all she managed to respond was, "Why?"

Castle lightly chuckled, "Why?!" while shaking his head in disbelief. Was she really that unaware of his feelings for her. Sure they hadn't reached the big L word quite yet, but he cared for her, a lot. She must have noticed that. "I like you Kate." he breathed out her name. He could no longer stand still and paced up and down alongside the coffee table, "I like you, I care for you. I care for Mattie, Jamie and Charlie so much. I care for you, all four of you. Can't you see that? Can't you feel it?"

"Rick..."

"No, please, let me finish." He stood in front of her, took both of her hands into his and continued, "I'm crazy about you. I can't stop thinking of you, I am constantly worried about your well-being or of the boys. I know what goes on in that little head of yours." His tone this time a bit more playful.

"Oh, really? Are you a mind reader now?" she rolled her eyes at his childish behaviour.

"Okay, let me put it that way. And please feel free to stop me if I'm wrong. You don't understand what I see in you, a single hands-on-mother with three children living in a two bedroom flat while I'm rich, single and living in this vast loft. You think I deserve better. You don't understand what I could possibly see in you... but know this, Katherine Beckett, I know and understand you better than you think you do. I can't change who I am, Kate."

Beckett stood befuddled, speechless, and nervously started biting her lower lip. He had pinned everything down to the beat. She had no clue how he did that, and she hated the fact that it drove her crazy too. He could read her like an open book.

"Castle, I..." she took a deep breath and exhaled again. "Everything's moving so fast. I just... I... don't look that way at me!" she reprimanded him after the puppy dog look he flashed her, "I need some time... I hope you understand."

Castle nodded, "Anything..."

"And I mean it. I mean, here I am, standing in Richard Castle's home. It's a lot to take in... You were right about what you said before. I know I'm the one who got issues with this all and that's why I'm asking you for some time."

"Of course..."

Unfortunately their moment was cut by shattering glass followed by a loud wailing from the upper floor. Charlie's cries even pierced through Castle's bones. Their conversation was quickly forgotten. Beckett was faster than speed light up the staircase with Castle right on her toe.

"Charlie? Charlie?" She cried out her son's name, as the agony in her voice broke Castle's heart. He was scared too, his heart was beating as fast as if he were running a marathon.

"What happened?" Beckett asked in shock gathering her sobbing child into her arms soothing Charlie as best as she could. Into hundreds of little pieces shattered glass laid all around the ground. Alexis was doing her best to explain what happened, but with Charlie's loud cries it was difficult to hear a word she spoke. Nobody seemed to be hurt which was the most important.

"No, Jamie, don't walk into the glass, you could cut yourself. Stay on the bed with Mattie, all right?" Castle had already sprinted off in order to get a small brush. Martha quickly caught up in the middle of the mess. Charlie's cries were simply deafening. He was more in shock than hurt. Shattered glass is all it was. Even though he was in his mother's arms he was still crying for her.

Beckett decided to step out of the room and walked downstairs in the hope to cease his cries there; away from the scene. At the basement she met up with Castle.

"Are you sure Charlie's not hurt? You know, all we have to do is jump into my car. I'll drive!"

Beckett quickly swayed her look all over his tiny frame again. Castle too...

"I don't see anything Rick..."

Castle couldn't help himself and needed to wrap his arms around them. An inner feeling told him that she was close to a break down. She needed him right now.

"It's okay, Kate." He whispered softly against her hair and placed a tender kiss on top of it. He was acting on impulse and his need to protect her gained the overhand on his feelings. "He's all right... nothing happened... he'll be fine."

All of a sudden Castle was no longer sure whether those words were meant to appease Beckett's tension or to himself. For another minute he kept repeating those exact same words over and over again. Only when things had calmed down again did he let go of Beckett.

"Better?"

Charlie had miraculously cried himself to sleep. It was way past his nap time too Beckett realised. No wonder he had been acting somewhat cranky.

"Yes... sorry about that glass. I can..."

"Nonsense! I clearly don't expect you to pay for that."

"But!"

"Kate, stop it!"

"I was so scared!" she finally let the words into the open, before tears streamed down her face. "If anything happens to Charlie, I..."

"I know Kate... I was scared too." Beckett looked up into his blue eyes, loosing herself in them. There it was again, that feeling. The feeling of having somebody actually care for you. She liked and hated it all together. She was torn between feelings. Castle casually leaned in and softly caressed his lips over hers in a sweet innocent and reassuring kiss. He smiled softly when he dreamingly gazed back down into her green orbs. He next laid another tender kiss atop Charlie's soft dark curls, "He's fine... that's all that matters, Kate. I'm gonna go to..."

Beckett watched as he ascended the staircase again. She followed their conversation on the upper level and soon the entire family was gathered again in the foyer. It was time to leave.

"But Rick and I didn't even get to kick ball!"

"I promise next time Mattie okay?"

The boy showed his disapproval with a large pout, "You always say next time but you never do!"

Castle caught his words of anger and disappointment, "Matt, look at me." The boy hesitated before looking at Castle who was down on his knees to be at the same eye level, "I promise I will. We simply lost track of time and I'm sorry for that, okay? Okay?" Castle wanted to get Matt's full attention. When he did, the boy nodded his head, albeit reluctantly. It wasn't easy either for Castle to acknowledge he had broken his promise to the boy. "Do you have everything?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Five minutes later the Beckett's were on their way back home. Martha couldn't help complaining a little bit about the mess they had left behind. Castle though would hear none of it as he and Alexis tidied up the room.

"Kate forgot Charlie's pacifier, dad." Alexis held the item out to her father. "I'm gonna go upstairs. Still got some homework to finish off. Good night."

"Goodnight pumpkin, and thanks for this afternoon."

Alexis briefly stopped in the stairs and smiled down at her father "You're welcome!", and then she was gone. Castle was thus left all alone in the family room, all quiet again, almost too silent, he thought to himself. They were barely gone for an hour and he missed them already. He unconsciously played with Charlie's left behind pacifier. Thoughts of how much things had changed the past month flashed through his mind back to when the Beckett family tumbled their way into his life.

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_tbc_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

For the next couple of months Beckett and Castle kept on getting to know each other more and more. They settled in a routine on having a cup of coffee, after Beckett's Tuesdays classes were finished at 1.30pm, days on which she only needed to pick up the boys at 3pm which gave them a whole hour to themselves.

Every once in a while Alexis was taking care of the boys so the two of them could either go to the movies or Castle even managed to take Beckett out to dinner twice.

Castle also signed up on a regular reading class every two weeks on Wednesdays. The kids adored the author, though Beckett didn't quite appreciate several mothers hanging outside the school fifteen minutes before classes were over just so they could meet and flirt with the handsome tall best-selling author, who was giving a reading at the elementary school. Rumour was spread fast until the word even leaked through to the news. Several paparazzi showed up and were flashing their cameras in front of Castle's nose. The school had to call the police for help. Things only calmed down once Castle confirmed his good intentions on giving back to the community and pleaded the journalists to stay away from the school.

Castle didn't fail to notice Beckett's discomfort every time this happened. He needed to have a serious conversation with her regarding that, though he dreaded it a little bit. He felt like their growing relationship was somehow put to a halt. It seemed to be moving nowhere. They were comfortable with each other, but he longed for more too.

"Kate?" He tried to get her attention as she had spent the past five minutes rattling on about achievements Charlie had recently made in his development. Castle didn't mind listening to whatever she had to tell him, mostly because he found her so irresistible every time she got carried away by her stories. The smile on her face, the glistening in her eyes, just everything reminded him how much he wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her dearly. Beckett noted the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes. She stopped and waited for him to continue.

"There are a few things that I would like to address here. Uhm..." he coughed, taking those few seconds to think his words over, "First, whatever I have to say, please don't take it the wrong way..." another pause followed, "I think we need to talk about our little money slash famous author problem here."

"What do you mean?" she tried to hide her emotions with a single question.

"The other day, at school, when the cops showed up and all the other mothers were hovering around me... I don't want you to feel jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" she interjected stubbornly. Castle literally stared at her. "Okay, maybe a little, but what do you want me to do? I just can't help it, all right?!"

Castle's expression soften at her admittance. She was adorable was all he could think about. He was flattered and this somehow also boosted his ego. Although he enjoyed playing with it because it was driving him crazy whenever she was jealous, he still felt with her because there was truly no reason for her to feel jealous at all. She needn't fear him running off with some other woman. He only had eyes for her. That's what he told her in the most sincere tone he could muster in order to get it through to her skull. He understood her worries though.

"I'm not Scott, Kate. I could never do that to you or any woman I love. I mean, if I ever happen to fall in love with anybody else, trust me, you will be the first person to know. No games behind your back. I promise."

"Come again?" Beckett was taken aback by his words that this was the only incoherent phrase she managed to get out. Not very eloquent, but right now her heart was racing. "I'm sorry, I... just... What?"

Only then did Castle grasp what he implemented. "I... I..." he stuttered nervously while her eyes were boring their way straight into his soul. "You know what I mean..." he chickened out.

"You love me?" Beckett was out of words.

Castle took a deep breath while closing his eyes. They were sitting at their usual spot in the coffee house, enjoying their latte before Beckett had to pick up Jamie and Matt. Charlie was contently playing around with a straw, taking it into his mouth and twisting and turning it around in his fingers. Castle reached across the table to grab her free hand. Her other hand was holding a grip on Charlie as to not fall off her lap.

"Sorry... It wasn't my intention to blurt it like that into the open, Kate. I... Yes, I love you. I have loved you ever since we met. I know you might come up with hundreds of theories this to be a dream, but it's not, Kate, I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you and that little family of yours... so much..."

Beckett's mouth was wide agape. Surprised, shocked and in utter disbelieve on one side and on another side note she could easily bounce off her chair and scream her happiness out into the entire world. Richard Castle was in love with her.

"I... oh..." she stumbled over her words and diverted her eyes onto Charlie. She always did when she wanted to avoid the unknown. Hiding herself behind her children was one of her walls, her way of coping. Castle knew that.

"Kate?" He gazed at her full of hope, wishing she would say something, but no words left her. He was wondering how much this was going to backfire now. Did he just open a new door or close another one? But he also felt a sign of relief. He had been withholding this for far too long already. Either this was going to guide them into the right direction or into the complete opposite one. At least, right now, he knew where he stood... in the middle and between two doors... it was all up to Beckett now. If she chose to ignore what they had, it would sure break his heart, but at least he would be able to move on. It might take him a while to get past this because he was head over heels for the woman sitting opposite of him.

"I don't know what to say for now, Castle. I'm... this is so unexpected." Castle's smile faded somewhat. Maybe he had to set his hopes too high? "Rick..." she sighed softly before settling Charlie back into his high chair.

"Mama!" he instantly groaned being left to himself. Beckett reached for his bottle of water and set it in front of him. "No!" He grabbed his bottle and dropped it onto the floor.

"Charlie!" she scolded, picked up the bottle again and set it at a safer distance from him before he could throw it back down. "I like you a lot Rick... I just... are you willing to give me some more time? I need more time... I can't... I don't want to... I mean... everything is going fine right now. I like the way things are for now. Please don't push me into something I am not quite ready for yet. I... Oh God..." she sighed anxiously.

"Hey..." Castle as so very often brought her hand up to his lips and planted a kiss to her knuckles, before flashing her a heart-full smile, "I'm willing to wait some more, if time is what you need... as long as we are heading the same direction..."

Little by little a smile crept on Beckett's face. This is apparently exactly what she had been hoping and waiting for. Castle wasn't going to push her... he was going to give them a chance and she was willing to do the same.

"God, I want to kiss you so much right now which would be way too inappropriate for this place."

Her smile grew wide and her cheeks turned crimson. Her attention though was quickly turning back to her son who was trying to get out of his high chair. He got quick hold of his bottle and started banging it against the table.

"Charlie! No, stop that!"

"No!" he parroted and shook his head at the same time. Obviously Charlie had a weird sense of humour Castle noted and couldn't help smiling at his mimics. The little guy started to squirm and besides was time to pick up his brothers anyway. As soon as Beckett stood, he lifted his arms up into the air requesting "Up!"

Castle thus lifted him up into his arms since Beckett was busy stowing the few toys into the stroller. From his high point of view Charlie followed his mother's every move.

"No!" Charlie continued to protest not looking forward to be strapped in the stroller. Seconds later his whining pierced through the coffee shop so they made a quick beeline outside onto the hectic streets of Manhattan. Castle pulled Beckett at her lower back and brought her body closer to his so he could kiss her duly.

"So beautiful" Castle sighed as they parted as he couldn't get enough of Kate Beckett. She pulled her hair back which was loosened by the blowing wind. Her green eyes were sparkling.

"Mama!"

Beckett turned around and knelt beside Charlie. She gazed up at Castle and spoke to Charlie, "Say bye Charlie", and added a wave in the mere hope he would follow her moves. To her surprise Charlie did with a toothy grin and an adorable wave of his hand that melted Richard Castle's heart.

"Bye!"

"Wow... he's adorable Kate!" Castle felt like floating on cloud nine when Beckett stood again, their noses almost touching one another. "Just like his mummy" With those last words he pulled her into another long kiss that would make them last for the remainder of the week. "Friday, eight o'clock?" he questioned when they parted and smiled inwardly at the profuse blush on Beckett's cheekbones. She nervously bit her lip and pulled another strand of hair behind her ear as she nodded her head. With that promise they eventually parted.

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_tbc_

**A/N: I think they are so utterly cute LOL**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I would like my readers to know that I have officially finished writing this story. It has a total of 42 chapters + one long epilogue. For now I try to update twice to three times per week and I will keep this rhythm for the next two weeks. If you want me to update faster after that, let me know!**

**Happy reading!**

**=)**

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**Chapter 19**

Tonight was the day where Richard Castle was going to promote his new novel _Heat Wave_, and he had made sure that Kate Beckett was going to be present at the grand opening festivity. Although she wasn't all too thrilled to participate to such party, she reluctantly agreed. He deserved it after all the things he had done for her. It took her a lifetime to figure out what to wear, and upon an afternoon shopping with Alexis and the boys she had managed to eventually find the perfect dress; those were Alexis words though. Outstanding and beautiful were another two words added to her exclamation along with a wide smile.

"Mommy looks really pretty!" She had heard Jamie whisper into the red head's ear.

Both Matt and Jamie's eyes threatened to fall out of their heads again as she stood later that night in front of her mirror hanging on the back of her bedroom's door. Straightening a few curls here and there, and adding a couple of touches to her make up too.

"How do I look boys?"

"Very beautiful, mom", said Matt with an everlasting smile on his face.

He couldn't have said it any better because she did indeed look very elegant in that blue evening gown that fit every curve of her body just right, except for the small roundness of her belly that had been fixed with a high rise underwear. Three pregnancies had left their marks on her body after all. Not that she cared much about such small detail but in order to fit in that light dress, some things tended to be necessary so to speak.

"Thank you, Mattie. All right… the sitter will be here soon okay? I want you to be nice to her, is that understood? And I want you to listen to her. Both of you to bed no later than nine o'clock!"

"Mommy? Can I watch _Cars_?"

"Yes, but only when you're done eating your dinner and ready for bed with jammies on and teeth brushed. Those are the rules young man!" Beckett added at the protruding lip that had appeared on his lips.

Walking out the room and turning the lights off behind her, the boys followed her into the living room where Charlie had kept himself entertained on his play mate. Right that second the sitter had arrived so Beckett gave her all the instructions the young woman needed for the night.

"Don't hesitate calling me, all right? Jamie can be a handful at times, and Charlie tends to still need me at bedtime. If after a while he doesn't go to sleep and his cries persist, call me immediately. Mattie should be able to guide you around and usually follows orders pretty easily. All right? So, here's my number. You can reach me at any time."

The young woman, who went by the name of Stacey, nodded her head and assured Beckett that things probably would go all right. She was used to babysitting. Kate Beckett had no doubt about that since Castle had recommended her. She wasn't all too crazy leaving the boys with a person they didn't know before hand, but since Alexis was also attending the party, this was the only solution to her _problem_.

When Beckett finally left the flat and arrived at the party, a dozen of cameramen were already flashing their cameras at her, making it difficult for her to even see where she was stepping off to. _Just walk straight ahead_, she thought to herself making her way down the red carpet. Martha Rodgers soon welcomed her in a usual presumptuous manner with a kiss on each cheek. Minutes later Castle also caught up with her. Unfortunately Gina cut their conversation short and pulled him aside, leaving Beckett to herself.

Kate Beckett took that moment to let her gaze swift around the place. People were all dressed up in glamour and fame, clinking their champagne filled glasses, smiling, laughing and simply having a good time, while all she could do was feel out of place. This was so weird to her, it gave her the chills.

"Have you read the dedication?" Martha Rodgers pondered out loud to Kate who gave her a quizzical look in return. She already felt out of place oddly enough as it was, dressed in that Hervé Léger dress. This was so far out of her casual dress wear that usually consisted for a nice evening dress. Half an hour ago she had strolled down the red carpet with a dozen of photographers calling out for Nikki Heat, the fictional character Castle used based on her; a kick ass NYPD undercover cop at night and a stay at home mother by day. Though she hadn't read it yet, she still felt quite intrigued by all the attention she was getting. It made her feel really uncomfortable.

"No… Why?" stuttered Beckett.

Martha managed to fetch a glass of champagne from the bypassing waiter's plate. With a suggestive smile telling the young woman to just go ahead and check out, Martha mingled into the crowd with a soft sway.

Intrigued Kate Beckett approached the stack of books sitting in the middle of the lobby. Grabbing one off the top she flipped the cover page over as her eyes landed eventually on said dedication

_To the extraordinary KB and her three musketeers_

_With love,_

_Richard Castle_

Her heart skipped a beat right away. She could barely breathe, let alone stand on her feet. How could he? Why? So many questions swirled in her brain that very second as she failed to notice the handsome writer approach her.

"Hey" Castle greeted her as casual as possible, his eyes never flinching.

Beckett smiled broadly at him, "Hey, I...I was just uh, the dedication. Wow. Thank you."

"I meant it. You are extraordinary."

His smile was getting too much for her so she diverted her eyes onto the book she was still holding in her hands. She swallowed a couple of times hoping he wouldn't notice her blushing, but Richard Castle knew how to read her, even though he kept reminding her that she was a mystery he still needed to figure out. She couldn't help feeling jealous at the women hanging on his arm minutes ago despite her awareness that it was all publicity. She couldn't help the ping in her chest because it hurt too much to watch him flirting with them. Publicity or not, it hurt, and Kate Beckett didn't want to go through this again. She didn't want to feel jealous, yet she did. She still couldn't quite figure out what he saw in her. She was only a preschool teacher, a mother to three little boys. Nobody wants a woman who already has three children with another man! Especially not a man like Richard Castle. It just wasn't…

"Kate?" his voice caught her out of her daydream.

When her glittering green eyes met with his blue ones, Beckett was having a hard time controlling her emotions. On his side, Castle felt her slipping away from him, again.

"I'm sorry… would you please excuse me?" she muttered fighting with the tears brimming in her eyes. Turning on her heals she walked the opposite way of the room toward the exit.

"Kate!" she heard him call after her.

"Rick, where are you going?"

Beckett heard Gina, Castle's publisher's voice, calling after him. She didn't turn around because if she were, that would mean she was going to let him see her fall into pieces. She didn't want that. Especially not in front of all those cameras flashing their lenses at her. All she wanted to do was to go home and spent her evening with her boys. Unfortunately Castle caught up with her outside as a taxi cab came to a halt right that moment.

"Kate, what's going on?" Richard Castle asked completely at loss of words. Maybe it had something to do with the dedication? No, it couldn't. His words were nothing but sweet. Anybody in the whole world would be flattered if a book were dedicated to them. She must have gotten a call from the sitter and something had to be wrong with one her of sons. Immediately worried, he frantically added, "Is it the boys?"

Hearing the worry in his voice in regard to her children's well being, Beckett's eyes locked with his. She fought but was loosing terribly.

Shaking her head in the negative, "No… it's not…"

Beckett couldn't lie to him. The moment his brain registered her words relief washed over his face, and this gesture alone made her fall even harder for the man standing in front of her. He was genuinely concerned about her sons.

"Please, what's going on?" insisted Castle. Somehow, in her disrupted state of mind, he managed to catch her frail hands in his. She secretly hoped he wouldn't notice her trembling, but it was already too late for that. "Kate, please tell me."

"I just wanna go home, Rick. This is not…" Her gaze swayed back to the party inside, only for the split of a second. Castle understood her, and he was willing to let her go.

"Hey… You know I have to stay, right? I can't just leave now. I hope you can understand that." He waited several seconds before adding, "I don't know what's on your mind, clearly you don't wanna tell me, but I can see it upsets you. I don't like that. I just want to make sure that you know that this is something I have to do, not because I want to but because I have to, all right?"

Silence was all that followed. Beckett didn't want to throw in a fight, first because deep down inside she knew his words to be true, but also because her new surroundings made her feel uneasy. It was giving her the chills to be surrounded by all these people asking for her attention. This life style wasn't suitable to her. She longed to be home, bringing her children to bed, telling them a bedtime story, cuddling them up against her chest, not... this.

"Kate?"

Her head unconsciously nodded away in mere understanding. It was all she apparently seemed to muster.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay? It's supposed to be sunny weather so we could take the boys to the park, uh? I still have that promise to catch up on with Mattie."

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't believe her ears. Here they were standing in the middle of flashlights, and Richard Castle was making small talk to her about a day out in the park with her family. It was getting very difficult to resist him. The charming smile adorning his face was overwhelming. She took a deep breath, straightening her composure and managed a smile on her face. A smile that mirrored his as he concluded all things in the world to be fine again; at least for the time being.

"Ten, maybe eleven-ish sound fine by you?"

Absent mindedly she nodded her head, "Yeah"

Richard Castle gentlemanishly opened the cab's yellow door, helping her inside.

"Thank you so much for coming tonight. It means a lot to me no matter what."

He would have loved to kiss her, but he was aware this would only add to her discomfort so he ignored that desire. Once inside the car, he closed the door and watched the cab disappear into the black of the night.

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_tbc_


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I missed y'day update! SOOOORRY! I haven't seen the episode yet so don't spoil it! I can't wait to watch it tonight though! YAY!**

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**Chapter 20**

**The next day**

"Good morning, beautiful", Richard Castle's voice filled Beckett's ear. A soft smile instantly grew on her face at the sound of it. She didn't have any control over these kind of things; they just happened naturally.

"Good morning", she couldn't help the smile on her lips either.

"Everything all right over there?" Castle inquired after a long wail erupted from one of the boys on the other side of the phone line. Judging by the force of it, it had to be Charlie, the youngest one.

"Hold on…"

Beckett had to drop the phone after Charlie tripped forward and while doing so, hit his head right up against the coffee table sitting at the foot of the couch. She rushed over to the kitchen where she retrieved an icepack out of the freezer. Lifting crying Charlie up into her arms to soothe him with the icepack stuck to his forehead.

"He keeps tripping over the edge of the rug."

Castle heard Beckett sigh into the receiver despite the baby's muffled sobs against her chest. He knew all too well what it was like and waited an additional minute to give Beckett the time she needed to calm her youngest down somewhat.

"Better?" he added a while later as the conversation had fallen into deadly silence.

"He's had a rough night… I think he is about to doze off and I don't want to wake him."

Judging by the tone of her voice he concluded that Charlie hadn't been the only one with a rough night.

"Want me to stop by later or is eleven still all right with you?"

A yawn slipped from Beckett's lips, "Make it noon… that way I can put him down for a couple of hours before heading to the park. I need to take care some of the laundry too, and I want Mattie to get his homework done."

They exchanged a couple of other words before ending their conversation. Beckett next walked across the room to lay Charlie down into his crib, and while she sat at the kitchen table with her eldest son for his homework, Jamie kept himself entertained with building blocks in the bedroom. Everything went pretty fine, except that Matt and Beckett had been so enthralled by his homework science project that only the ringing of the door bell made her realize how late it actually was.

"Rick!" Matt literally jumped out of his chair, excited to be heading to the park soon.

Seconds later two pairs of small arms were wrapped around the tall man's legs; one on either side, making it nearly impossible for him to move. With a smile he casually leaned in to drop a loving kiss onto the tall brunette's lips. He noted the flush rising in her cheeks but didn't comment about it, instead only took in the beauty of it.

"Matt! Jamie! Come on let go boys…" insisted Beckett. They eventually let go, allowing him to enter the flat. "Sorry, we sort of lost track of time…", she added at the look over Castle was giving her.

Not that she didn't look beautiful or anything, but he figured she wasn't the type of person stepping out of the house without being decently dressed, and by decent he meant at least a pair of jeans and a matching top. Beckett was still clad in a pair of dark gray leggings and a baggy light purple shirt, and her hair was pulled up in a messy bun to the top of her head with few loose strands of dark brown curls framing her face. Seeing the boys still clad in their jammies, he figured they were all still wearing their sleep wear.

"Would you mind watching the boys while I…?"

"Sure, just go ahead" Castle cut her words with a smile. She never would have to ask him for permission. He was glad to be of help.

"Thanks", she said before disappearing to the back, where he heard her rummage around for a while only to peak her head into the living room couple of minutes later, "Matt? Jamie? I put your clothes on your beds, all right?"

The boys let out a groan which made Castle chuckle. The truth was he was used to having a little girl following every word her father said. She was almost too perfect as a child. He had been around the family for a while now and had clearly taken up on the difference between raising a single child, a girl nonetheless and raising three boys. It was a bit more…. lively. Both had their pros and cons but he loved it just the same.

"Hear that, boys?" Castle declared taking matters into his own hands as he noted the running water of the shower. Both pouted and objected, proclaiming they could head to the park dressed in jammies; especially Jamie who didn't seem to bother at all.

"I can go naked!" He exclaimed giddily, kicking his underwear with his foot up into the air as it landed on top of his brother's head. Jamie squealed with delight and Matt shouted in disgust but still had to giggle at his younger brother's craziness. Somehow Castle managed to get the energetic progenitor of Kate Beckett ready, as the later stepped out of the bathroom soon after with towel wrapped around her waist.

At the view Castle once more couldn't resist letting his gaze swift across her amazing body, without missing on the blush growing on her cheekbones.

"Come on, teeth brushing time", she said hurrying the pair inside the bathroom.

Matt brushed his own teeth while Jamie still needed some help in that department. Beckett next brushed their hair.

"I want spikey hair, mommy!"

Beckett sighed and proceeded to comb some gel through his dark brown locks that would make it spikey. "You too?" but Matt shook his head in the negative. Charlie took that moment to wake up. "Five minutes! He could have waited five minutes!" Beckett groaned to herself – and Castle – who merely stood by and observed the turmoil from a safe distance, aware how much she still preferred to be in control. "Go watch some TV while I get Charlie dressed, all right?"

"Yay!" and then they were off.

In her bedroom Charlie was calling out for his mother over and over again, but in the meantime she was busy figuring out what he could wear to the park. Once everything was set, Castle could no longer hold it,

"Why don't you let me do this so you can get dressed, huh?"

Her eyes travelled from Charlie to Castle back and forth a couple of times while she made up her mind. It pained him a little bit to know that he would always be second choice since her kids always came first. He knew that feeling all too well, since he felt the same way towards his daughter. But the feeling was still there. Plus Charlie was her little baby, for now, and Castle was aware how much she wanted to relish into him being that small. It was difficult for her to actually see somebody else taking care of her baby while she was nearby.

"Okay, but let me change his nappy first."

Well it was good for a starter, Castle thought to himself, unable to tear his eyes off the woman he came to fall in love with the past three months – well eleven weeks to be precise. He watched with admiration as she lifted him out of the crib, cradling him up to her chest, allowing Charlie to say "hi" to him, before settling him onto the changing table right next to the bed. The boy was quite cheery and kept babbling words neither of the adults understood while playing with a toy. Beckett made quick work of the wet diaper before handing her son out to Castle.

"Hey…" He caught Beckett by her waist and pulled her lightly closer to his body. She reacted to his touch just like expected, surprised but still let herself being pulled into a sensual kiss that left both of them breathless. "Kate" Her hushed name tickled against her skin and it gave her goose bumps. When her emerald green eyes locked with his, he added, "I love you, Kate"

She swallowed hard, then nervously bit on her lower lip before diverting her eyes back onto her giggling son. It was like he understood what was going on between them. A smile grew at the edge of her lips, but Castle wasn't sure whether it was due to his declaration or the innocent gurgling sounds of Charlie. She would return the words when she was ready. No matter how much it hurt, he knew she needed more time. All he wanted to do was to let her know how he felt.

"Get ready, okay? I got everything under control."

To his surprise, Beckett stood up onto her toes and kissed him again. Lingering a little while longer, she even briefly deepened their embrace for a mere couple of seconds.

"Thank you."

Castle feared for his grin to never fade "Always."

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_tbc_


	21. Chapter 21

**To: Chachalab (review Chapter 19) I speak French, so you can either leave a review in French or sent me a PM =) I am always happy!**

**To: Nina (review Chapter 19): OMG blush! Thank you so much… and please don't die… I want (need) more of your awesome reviews!**

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**Chapter 21**

"Easy, okay?" Beckett warned Matt as he sprinted off into the distance. They had strolled around Central Park for quite a while now, but the boys needed to get rid of the energy inside of them so they found a nice spot where they could sit down onto the green lawn and close to a playground where Charlie could also crawl around and about.

"Yes, mom!" Matt screamed from the top of his lungs. "Come on, Jamie. Let's go all the way up there!"

Kate Beckett shook her head. What did she do to deserve three energetic boys? At least one of them could have been a girl, no? Sighing, she sat down onto the blanket Castle had spread out for them where Charlie was already seated.

It was a very beautiful Saturday afternoon, the sun was set up high and many people had taken the opportunity to spend a day out in the fresh air. Birds were chirping in the trees, children were running and laughing about, some teenagers were throwing Frisbees, rollerblading or doing any other sort of outdoor activity, while elderly couples wandered arm in arm among the snaky long pathways throughout the entire park.

"Wow… this feels so refreshing", breathed Beckett as she momentarily closed her eyes to let the soft breeze sweep through her hair. It was a quite hot day, but not too hot yet. The wind was soft and slightly less warm than the heat from the sun. Just perfect and exactly the way she liked the summer.

Charlie was busy with his favorite toy, the bendy ball, and both adults observed him with a smile on each of their faces.

"Come here", Castle welcomed her to sit between his legs. At first Beckett hesitated, but for some inexplicable reason she longed to feel close to him so she followed his request. Charlie gazed curiously up at the couple as they switched places and instantly crawled into his mother's lap.

"Ma-ma" Charlie babbled sweetly moving his hand in front of his mouth.

"Do you want water?" Beckett asked repeating the sign language she had used with all three of her children, which had been something completely new to Castle. He was mesmerized by the fact that she could indeed communicate with her baby even though Charlie couldn't talk yet so she knew what he wanted. Sure thing, he was thirsty and fervently sucked on his bottle of water. Next he signed for a cookie. "I don't have any cookies, Charlie. What about some crackers or apple?"

Charlie signed the word apple back at Beckett, albeit a bit clumsy, but to her trained eyes she knew what it meant and fetched a pot of mashed apples out of the cooler they had brought along. When Charlie was done with his food, both Matt and Jamie showed up again completely sweaty and thirsty.

"What are you two doing?" Beckett never seemed to have a break. They rattled on about how they climbed all the way to the top of the slide. Once they were on top there stood a little girl crying out for her mommy because she was scared to slide down. They had gone up and down the slide over and over again, before moving onto the Gymboree and the monkey bars. Both adults were having a hard time keeping up with the boys excitement as they only nodded their heads as good as they could.

"Can we play ball now?" Matt requested still out of breath.

"Why don't you sit down first Mattie, you're all sweaty and out of breath. I want you to calm down first. It's not good for your heart sweetie."

"Mom! I'm not a baby!" He protested but upon a stern look from his mother he reluctantly sat down onto the blanket albeit with a protruding lip.

"Please quit that tone with me, Mattie. I'm not telling you that you are a baby, but that you have to take it easy on your physical exercise, all right?"

"Why.. why? What's wrong?" Castle's interest was peaked.

"Mattie was born with a hole in the heart." Kate Beckett couldn't quite believe that she never told him about it. "It's very small and rather benign. We just need to keep an eye on it. Once per year we have an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist who sets up an ECG and ultrasound. We're still keeping our fingers crossed for it to close up some day." Seeing the confused look on his face, she felt the need to add, "He's okay, Rick. When he's all roughed up like that we have to remind him to slow it down a notch, that's all. No need to panic."

She felt sorry and even apologized to having forgotten to mention it to him, but since it was benign, she had a tendency to forget about it. A short eerie silence fell upon them as they all sat and observed Matt as he played ball with his youngest brother, throwing or rolling the colorful item across the blanket. Each time Charlie would lift it up and toss it back with a full toothy smile. Jamie in the meanwhile got some cuddle time with his mother instead.

"Can I play ball now?" Matt requested another while longer once he started to get slightly annoyed playing with Charlie. It was time for Castle to step up to his promise. This was a brand new territory for him and he had no clue what he was supposed to do. He never had a father figure to look up to, so he couldn't help feeling a tad bit apprehensive. Being a father figure to a boy felt different from being a father figure to a girl. He couldn't quite describe what it was, but to him it felt different.

Matt made sure to give him the right instructions on how to toss a ball and how to catch it too. It was quite tricky at the beginning but he quickly caught up with it, albeit a bit clumsy. Castle wasn't much of a sports person at all, but for the sake of the young child's happiness he was more than willing to give this a shot. For the next half an hour the duo got quite acquainted with each other as Beckett sat in close distance and surveyed the bond growing between them. She even came to wonder when she had ever seen her son that happy in his life. It had been too long already, especially when it came to something as special as this. Her heart swell with love at the man displaying a loving devotion for her son who was a complete stranger to him, but the man's affection taught her more than she needed to know. Even though those three kids weren't his blood and flesh, he truly cared for them. She could see it. She could see it in the way he moved, the way he listened carefully and the way he smiled. Every now and then he would turn his head to look her way and smile, and every time her heart skipped a beat.

Exhausted the boys eventually dropped their tired bodies next to Charlie and Beckett – Jamie had long since left for the playground again.

Matt was more than thrilled as he kept rambling endless long sentences. His mother had to slow him down both in his words and for drinking water, "I was sitting here Matt. I could see everything, all right? Come here." She opened her arms wide open aware her son was in dire need of a hug. His emotions were getting the best of him.

"That was so cool. Thank you, Rick!" He beamed after Beckett had whispered the words into his ears, reminding him of the manners she was still trying to get to them.

"Any time, young man." Castle's face was all red, but his eyes were glistening, letting her know that he had enjoyed it just as much.

"Tomorrow?" Matt interjected.

"What about next week, huh?" Beckett replied for Castle, slowing down her giddy son. She could understand his excitement, but that didn't mean they had to throw ball now every single day now.

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_tbc_

**A/N: reviews = update and no reviews = no update… simple =)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N 1 : Thank you for your sweet words! I will reply over the weekend to each one of you!**

**A/N 2 : To me reviews mean you like what you read! I spent a lot of time writing and doing research so a review is a THANK YOU to me. Just wanted this to be clear. If you don't like, feel free to unsubscribe… no need to waste time leaving bad PMs or reviews since before you didn't have time either… just saying… ;o)**

**A/N 3 : Short update but more will follow soon!**

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**Chapter 22**

**Later that evening**

Later that night all of them were lounged on Kate Beckett's far too small couch for two adults and three completely exhausted children. It had been a long day after all and the fresh air from this afternoon had made the boys very tired. Both Jamie and Matt ended up on the rug as they watched Stuart Little, one of Matt's favorite movies besides Toy Story, which was his all-time favorite.

"All right, that's it!" Beckett sighed as she needed to get up for the fourth time half-way through the movie. As much as she was trying to wean her son, Charlie kept this regular crying going for tonight. She gave in… she knew she shouldn't, but at this stage she couldn't care less. It was almost ten o'clock and Charlie still wasn't asleep.

She returned to the family room two minutes later balancing a sobbing Charlie on her left hip. The little one kept rubbing his eyes and threw his head up against Beckett's chest.

"I know, Charlie, just a second…" she told him with a slight groan, which brought a smile to Castle's lips. Once she was nicely seated again, she was able to settle her baby too, so she could nurse him. Ever since that second, Castle could no longer take his eyes off the bonding mother and child. Beckett's eyes were trained onto Charlie and his eyes were trained on his mother's. It was quite magical as the two relished into the feeling of sharing that unique moment. At the beginning Charlie's left hand rested on Beckett's breast as if proclaiming his ownership, but with each passing minute his eyes drifted shut. Charlie was fighting to stay awake but a quarter of an hour spent in his mother's arms was all he needed to fall into sleep at last. Beckett kept soothing him by running her fingers softly across the bridge of his nose, his cheeks and tiny fingers. There was so much love between them that Castle needed to find a way for himself through it all.

"He's got those big beautiful green eyes from his mommy", Castle whispered softly into Beckett's ear as his chin rested on her shoulder. He felt her shudder from his closeness but didn't say anything else when she carefully got off the couch again.

"Okay, time to go to your own bed, little man."

Upon her return the movie was finished so that it was also time for Matt and Jamie to hit the pillow. After a lot of convincing and putting her foot down she eventually got them to bed.

"Night Rick, night mommy" They both exclaimed in unison. With an additional kiss to their foreheads, Beckett wished her goodnight too. Outside the room, Castle was leaning with his shoulder up against the wall. He instantly pulled Beckett close to his and swept her into an overwhelming long kiss that left them both panting for air.

"I've been wanting to do this all day", he sighed against her cheek, already missing her warmth and tenderness. Without giving her a chance he kissed her all over again. Except that this time his hands started to wander across her back and then to her hipbone where his fingers graced slowly up to her soft skin. A moan slipped from her lips before she slowed down their kissing session with a sweet hum.

"Rick…" she breathed heavily.

At her silence a wicked grin appeared on his face, his eyes dreamy, repeating her words, "Kate…"

"Don't… I…" she nervously bit her lower lip, something so enticing that made it difficult for him to resist the temptation to kiss her all over again, and again, and again. "I'm sorry, I'm not ready for…"

"We're just kissing", Castle felt the need to reassure her upon sensing her insecurity, "Trust me, no matter how much I wouldn't mind for more, my intentions are pure. I don't want to lose what we have here, all right? I might have my needs but I can control them, just as much as you can, and I know I sound blunt. We're both adults, I have a kid and you've got three. We both know how it works. I am aware you're not at the same stage as I am and I'm fine with it. This… here" he said pointing his finger between them "what we have, means a lot to me. So much…"

Castle took a deep breath regaining some composure, because frankly it wasn't all that easy. She was amazing and he was in love with her, deeply in love with her, and there was nothing more he'd rather do than to show her exactly how much, but for the time being, kissing and holding each other would have to do. He could live with it.

His eyes traveled from her face to the two names adorning the boys' door. Colorful wooden painted letters stuck out that read: Jamie and Mattie written next to each other. He knew the boys painted them themselves with Beckett on a rainy afternoon a couple of weeks after moving into the place, making it officially their new bedroom. Despite everything, the boys were proud of their achievement once they hung on their door. When his gaze moved onto the next door a soft smile displayed on his face at the memory of that story. Written in yellow was Charlie's name and next to it pink letters formed the word Mommy. Upon the boys persistent pleading Beckett had given in. Jamie and Matt had insisted on it, after all it was her bedroom too, and the letters needed to be pink because she was a girl. How could she possibly ever resist her boys' innocent looks?

His glance went back to her, "Whether you like it or not, I think you're stuck with me. I love those boys more than you could ever know, and I love their mommy so much more. We have all the time in the world…"

He sealed his words with yet another breathtaking kiss. When he was eventually ready to let go, Beckett tugged on his arm. At first he flashed her a quizzical look, but he could read her like an open book. She wanted him to stay for the night… Her slightly flushed cheeks were so adorable. He though quickly helped her turning off all the lights as well as the TV set and locking the door but before he could forget, he sent out a short text message to Alexis as to not worry for the night and that he would catch up with her in the morning. They both took their turns in the bathroom – Beckett found a spare tooth brush for him – and quite satisfied rested arm in arm under the linen bed sheets half an hour later.

While sleep washed over Beckett fast, Castle took a while longer. The fact that he was actually lying beside her and in her bed was quite something. He was thrilled they were taking a step forward, a small step, but at least it was a step forward. His mind was also fogged by Charlie turning around in his sleep and making soft snoring sounds he found incredibly cute. Every time Charlie moved, Castle's eyes shot up at him. The little light filtering from the street through the curtains and into the room gave him a small glimpse of the baby's sleeping frame. How come it was always difficult to tear one's eyes off a sleeping infant will more likely remain one of the world's biggest mysteries. Later, much later into the night, his eyes also became heavy and Beckett's regular chest rise lulled him to slumber after all.

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_tbc_


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Sorry but I didn't have the time to send out a reply to your awesome reviews! But I promise to catch up with them as soon as possible. I am off from work the next upcoming two weeks and got training instead so I am barely online or even in front of a computer. Don't know when the next update will be due to that… but as soon as I can I will update of course!**

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**Chapter 23**

**Sunday morning (the next day)**

Castle had the Becketts invited over at his place for brunch. After mealtime everybody was lazily hanging around the couch.

"You wanna go see Rick?" Beckett cooed softly at her fourteen months old. The little one stretched his arms out at the writer who lifted him up into his arms.

"Da-da", The tiny babble that left his mouth sent the entire room into a deadly silence. Unbeknown to the little guy who kept playing with his toy, all eyes were trained on him. Beckett stared at Castle surprised by her son's words. She didn't know what to say, neither did he. Nobody had ever used that word in front of him, so why did it sputter from his lips?

Jamie was the first one to naively cut their insecure moment adding another level of surprise to the two adults, "Why does Charlie say daddy to Rick, mommy?"

With three children, it was bound to get even more entertaining, "Charlie's a baby, Jamie. He doesn't understand. He thinks Rick's our daddy but he's not. Our daddy's dead and he ain't coming back no more, remember?"

True words spoken by a six years child, but that didn't mean they hurt less. Beckett closed her eyes momentarily before being able to deal with the new turns of events. On his side, Castle failed not to notice the sudden pale color on his daughter's face. Who would have thought that such an innocent word could create such a big turmoil? That was a lot of information to take in, in a matter of half a minute.

Alexis was the first to move as she got up and raced up the staircase. Castle didn't even have the time to say anything as they heard the door slam shut on the upper level. He let out a long sigh.

"Well, that sure didn't go down all too well", Castle whispered across the couch.

"You think?" Beckett snarled back, albeit playfully.

"I'll have a talk with her later. Let's just give her some time, don't you think?"

This was the first time Castle relied on Beckett's expertise. Though she felt flattered she didn't quite know what to add. She obviously understood what must be going on in the young woman's head, but for now they needed to handle this first. Beckett could barely look at Castle, trying to avoid the conversation but they needed to address this to the children. But how would she do that, if she didn't even know what Castle's real position was? At least not for sure…

"Jamie, sweetie, come here." Beckett welcomed her son into her arms and Jamie sat onto her lap carefully listening to what his mother had to say. "It is correct what Mattie said. Charlie is a baby and he learns to speak. He babbles words without really knowing what he is saying. He says Ma-ma to me because I'm his mommy. Charlie has spent, just like you, a lot of time with Rick. He doesn't know Rick is not his daddy. He doesn't remember his real daddy because he was much smaller when daddy left. Do you understand?"

Jamie shrugged his shoulders, but both adults figured it was quite difficult for a three years old to grasp.

"Can Rick be my new daddy, mommy?"

"We will see, sweetheart. I love Rick a lot, but it's complicated…" Beckett stopped in her tale, unaware of her recent statement. Her words though didn't go unnoticed by Castle since his heart stopped beating for a second or two there. Even though he was on the other side of the couch, he still felt so close to her with Charlie in his arms. His lips unconsciously found the way to the little boy's dark haired head where he dropped a loving kiss on top of it. Charlie handed him a toy, babbling some words along the way. He smiled down at the child as a pair of round green eyes stared at him and a four toothy grin warmed up his heart.

"I want Rick to be my new daddy, mommy. He's really funny. He plays with us too. I like that."

Beckett beamed down at her son, glad he was letting his feelings into the open world instead of repressing them. His counseling was working magic on his development, and maybe Castle was a good influence on the boy too. He had a father figure to look up to.

"I'm glad you like Rick, Jamie. It's important for me to know that."

"How come?" he questioned with tilted head, always curious to know more.

"Well" She briefly swallowed thinking on her words, "Because I want you to be happy too. It's important we all get along well. What about you Mattie?"

Matt was sitting on the rug at the foot of the couch and shrugged, lost in his train of thoughts. Beckett knew it would take him a while before his outing. He was more of a think it through kind of guy, so many traits he had inherited from herself. It was quite uncanny how much he looked like his father, but his personality was all hers.

"He makes funny shaped pancakes and he makes me smile too, but you know what I like most? He likes to throw ball with me. Daddy never did that. Daddy didn't love me, but I know Rick does. I know that because I can see it in his eyes. He never lies to me, or does promises without meaning them, like daddy."

It also seemed like therapy was working well for Matt too. At least there was some progress. Beckett just needed to keep her fingers crossed for this not to backfire at some stage. If ever her steady growing relationship with Castle wasn't going to work, this whole thing would crumble down into pieces that she would have to pick up. Reason why she tried, even forced herself, to take baby steps into this relationship and she was even more glad to be aware that Castle understood her fears and her reasoning. Not only their happiness was at stake but also the one of three little boys.

"Well, for what it's worth, I think that somewhere deep down inside daddy loved you, Mattie. He just didn't know how to tell or to show it to you. Remember what we talked about with Amber?" Matt faintly nodded his head.

No matter what, it hurt Beckett to see that Matt still felt like his father never loved him and instead hated him with his guts. Sadly enough, Beckett was the only one aware of the love that was once there between father and son. The day Matt was born Scott had been over the moon, both had been. They were in love and happy little family of three. It was just perfect. Things changed as weeks and months went by with a wailing baby all night long, keeping him away from his much needed sleep. Then things calmed down again somewhat, reason why both had made up their mind for another baby. It was a vicious circle and living hell started all over again when Jamie was born. First he couldn't get enough of the new little creature, so tiny, so fragile, requesting their every attention.

As memories flashed her mind she felt ashamed that all the signs were there, but she was too blind, too foolish to acknowledge them. Scott had only had eyes for Jamie, leaving Matt standing in the corner. Until the new baby also was too much for him so he rejected them like dirt, begging Beckett to cease the crying and yelling. All those two boys were seeking for was their father, but they never even had a chance. Whatever they did, nothing was ever good enough. When they were both respectively two and four years old, he had found a new job, started spending more time with his sons. He was less tired and had thus more energy to give to his children.

Beckett didn't know exactly when everything changed yet again, but she knew it had to do with that young woman he met at work. He started coming home late at night, stating he needed to work long hours due to low effective on task force. She believed him. Several months later she was pregnant. She knew he wouldn't be thrilled about it and she feared for the whole procedure to start all over again, so she kept her mouth shut… until her pregnancy became evident. He was mad at her, but Beckett didn't know whether he was more upset about the fact that she was actually pregnant or for hiding it from him all this time. Probably both. She felt guilty, not because she did, but because he made her feel guilty. About everything… she knew then and there that their relationship was over. That was also the time where she learnt about his betrayal. No matter how much hatred there was between them, she was still in love with the man she once met as a very loving and charming. Beckett's whole world though fell apart when she saw him raise his hands over her children, ready to beat them. He managed to hit them twice, she hadn't been fast enough with a crying infant in her arms. The entire night she had kept them by her side, letting them sleep in her bed. Scott was… gone, pissed… probably with this new friend of his, and right then, Beckett couldn't care less.

One week went by, then two, three… he was gone. Like that… out of their lives. She couldn't pay the weekly rents for the house alone so two days later, her luggage was done and they left. She was scared… oh so scared, but strong. The love for her children was what kept her going. They meant and were the world to her. Always will be. Unconditional.

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_tbc_


	24. Chapter 24

_Previously_

_Beckett didn't know exactly when everything changed yet again, but she knew it had to do with that young woman he met at work. He started coming home late at night, stating he needed to work long hours due to low effective on task force. She believed him. Several months later she was pregnant. She knew he wouldn't be thrilled about it and she feared for the whole procedure to start all over again, so she kept her mouth shut… until her pregnancy became evident. He was mad at her, but Beckett didn't know whether he was more upset about the fact that she was actually pregnant or for hiding it from him all this time. Probably both. She felt guilty, not because she did, but because he made her feel guilty. About everything… she knew then and there that their relationship was over. That was also the time where she learnt about his betrayal. No matter how much hatred there was between them, she was still in love with the man she once met as a very loving and charming. Beckett's whole world though fell apart when she saw him raise his hands over her children, ready to beat them. He managed to hit them twice, she hadn't been fast enough with a crying infant in her arms. The entire night she had kept them by her side, letting them sleep in her bed. Scott was… gone, pissed… probably with this new friend of his, and right then, Beckett couldn't care less._

_One week went by, then two, three… he was gone. Like that… out of their lives. She couldn't pay the weekly rents for the house alone so two days later, her luggage was done and they left. She was scared… oh so scared, but strong. The love for her children was what kept her going. They meant and were the world to her. Always will be. Unconditional._

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**Chapter 24**

Sitting here, listening to her story all over again, pained Richard Castle so much. When she was finished he brought her hand up to his lips where he dropped the faintest caress of a kiss onto it. His lips warm and tender it nearly made her shiver beneath his gentle touch. When their eyes eventually locked, more words were ever said that needn't be spoken out loud. An understanding smile was all they needed to communicate with one another. It was amazing to both of them.

"Just want you to know, that… uhm… I'm fine with the da-da part, as long as you are. The ball is in your court, Kate. You may refer to me which ever way suits you better. I'm merely giving you the okay. You know how much I love those kids… I… I could never think differently of Charlie. He doesn't know… it comes naturally to him…"

"Ma-ma! Da-da!" The kid sure knew how to disrupt a private moment. A pair of green eyes and a pair of blue eyes rested on the standing baby. Clapping his hands, he was standing there, alone, in the middle of the room. It wouldn't be quite as extraordinary if he hadn't started walking toward them all on his own too. His real first steps all by himself. It sure had been a five feet distance.

"Oh my god!" Beckett exclaimed tears brimming in her eyes and then rolling down her cheeks, as her little baby boy stepped into her awaiting arms. "Oh baby…" She lifted and cradled him happily against her chest, "You're mommy's big boy now, huh?" Her small talk went on for a while. Castle sat and felt just as ecstatic as Beckett did. First the _da-da_ part, and now walking on his own. It had been quite a day so far, and it was barely lunch time. They still had at least eight hours ahead of them for this day to come to an end.

"Why's mommy crying, Rick?" Jamie's attention went from the movie the boys were busy watching while the two had had their conversation, onto his now crying mother. Matt was also distracted.

"Charlie can walk now", was all Castle managed to say. He was pretty sure that his grin was never going to fade. He felt proud, happy,… and so much more.

"Really? I wanna see!"

"Me too!"

Both Matt and Jamie were overly giddy over the younger's brother's brand new achievements. They knelt on the floor at a reasonable distance from each other – upon Beckett's instruction – and made Charlie walk between them for a while. The two adults remained seated on the couch observing the entire scene with delight.

Alexis chose that moment to come downstairs again, watching the happy and cheery family they all had become; except her. She felt like intruding… she knew she wasn't, but the feeling was there. She felt like she didn't belong there and was ready to leave the party again, when her father's voice pierced through the room.

"Alexis!" He was instantly on his feet, and by stepping closer to the staircase he was inviting her in; not that she needed be invited. It was her home after all. "We want… need to have a talk with you, pumpkin."

He was using her nickname. She wanted to flee again, but what from exactly? The truth… the truth that her father was in love with Kate Beckett, the truth that as time went by they started becoming more like a family… the inevitable… She might just as well suck it up and act like a grown up. That didn't mean she couldn't sulk just a little bit.

"Please?" She couldn't say no to his puppy blue eyes. She slowly made her way over to them and sat between them.

"I'm sorry for acting so selfish. I just didn't know what else to do."

Castle absorbed and digested that information, "I can understand your feelings, pumpkin. You've been my one and only life until now. You still are and will always be. No matter how old you are, you'll always be my little girl."

It felt good as a small smile edged at the corner of her lips, "It still doesn't excuse my behavior from earlier. I had no right to act the way I did."

"But I'm sure Kate understands" Castle spoke and Kate nodded, "And Charlie… he's just a baby. He…"

"I love him, I really do. All three of them, and I can see how much Kate means to you, dad. I can see how happy she makes you. It's just… this feeling. You're _my_ dad… not Charlie's. I mean, I know it's not his fault, but I just can't help having that feeling. I have to share you, triple share you and that hurts. That's why I said I don't want to sound selfish or anything. It's not his fault, neither is it Jamie's or Mattie's. They deserve a loving father, but why does it have to be you?"

Castle gazed up into his daughter's clear blue eyes, his fingers tenderly combing through her red tresses. He knew it was a rhetorical question that didn't need being answered.

"We will figure it out, pumpkin. I promise we will. It's a lot right now, and again, I can understand how you are feeling, so we just need to keep in mind that Charlie sees me as such. He doesn't understand quite yet. Both Matt and Jamie are aware that I am not their father. I'm not there to replace him. They have a father who sadly passed away in the most tragic way possible, five months ago. None of it is their fault, but they deserve happiness…

"I know, it's just… it was so unexpected."

How many times had Richard Castle played each scene in his head over and over again. His and Beckett's relationship was blossoming with each passing day and it felt wonderful. He could see all them living together already. He could barely wait to spend the rest of his life with Kate Beckett and her three sons. Even though they were still far off from moving in together. When his mind wasn't able to focus onto work, he had been busy browsing websites for houses or a bigger loft, where all of them could have their own private space. Quite frankly, he surely wasn't going to move in with her – the flat was already too tiny for the four of them as it was – and his current loft had three bedrooms. Three adults, one teenager and three small boys… they needed more room. Castle loved his loft… but thinking it over in his head, he loved Kate Beckett more, and it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. They would have to move to a new place.

Castle knew his daughter to be smart enough to know that too, but this was still in a far future. Maybe a year or two. He could easily jump into the cold water with two feet, but Kate Beckett… well that was a whole different story.

"I know, Alexis. We were all sort of taken aback, there." Beckett spoke up this time, "I never referred your father as daddy to Charlie. We're still not… you know… in that part of our relationship. We're more than friends, but there are still so many things to learn from each other. We want to take this slowly… we both want to do the right thing. I have three boys and I can see how much this will tumble your world upside down. All of our lives, sweetie. I like you a lot, so much… Your father has raised a beautiful young woman and you know… _you_ will be new to me too, if… well… things go that way… I've never had a daughter before, so to speak."

The last words tumbled from her lips, but Alexis' soft smile made her less nervous.

"I think, she's the one raising me, Kate. You have _no idea_…"

"Dad!" Alexis exclaimed shushing him down instantly which made Beckett giggle sweetly. "I don't know what you've done with him, Kate, but he's changed… for the better, don't get me wrong… He's more acting like a…. grown up, recently" Alexis emphasized the word _grown up_, a term usually not associative with her father; so foreign.

"I know what you mean… trust me…" Beckett added with a smile on her own and a roll of her eyes, "He can be a handful sometimes."

"Sometimes? You're only saying that because you've never gotten to meet the real Richard Castle."

"Hey! Two against one… that's not fair!" He pouted and sulked like a five year old.

"See!" Alexis countered over-dramatically. "And that's nothing…"

Castle kept moping in his corner as both women were building their own theories on how to destroy his life. He sure was going to be in for something. At least if three women – including his mother – were going to be chaperoning him, he had his own back up now. Boys needed to stick together. He wasn't going to be alone anymore, and the male clearly outnumbered the females. Payback was only fairplay after all.

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**A/N: I will try to update EVERY day now but please don't shoot me if I don't make it! Also the story is FINISHED so it will be updated! :P**

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_tbc_**  
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	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Two cars were needed for their ride to the Hamptons. Castle drove the SUV packed to its maximum with his mother, and Matt in the backseat, while Beckett drove a sedan along with Alexis in the front seat, and Charlie and Jamie in the back row. It was a long drive for the children since they weren't used at all to those kind of long trips. One of the reasons Beckett was glad when they finally arrived. She had been so engrossed of unloading the luggage out of the car boot before actually registering the beautiful beachfront house in front of her eyes.

"Wow!" she exclaimed, stopping in her tracks which lead Alexis to collide with her.

Witnessing the staggered expression of the woman's face, Alexis felt the need to reassure her, "It's really beautiful. You will love it! And don't worry about the indoor's decoration. Dad doesn't put much stock into it. The boys will be free to run around, as long as they don't play football, they are good to go."

"Mommy! Mommy! Look! Did you see the Ocean over there? It's right in front of the house, mommy! Can I go there, please, mommy, please!" Matt bounced up and down and Beckett couldn't help thinking how long it had been since she saw her son that excited – beside the park trip the other day.

The house wasn't just a house but an outstanding high quality bungalow. Castle unlocked the door with a pin code at the entrance and led the family inside their new home for the upcoming week. Martha instantly strode over to the French windows and opened them. The fresh oceanic breeze filled the entire vast space right away. Alexis felt just as ecstatic.

"Come on boys, I'll show you your room!"

Jamie and Matt followed Alexis downstairs – the house was built on a soft hill so that the ground level gave out to the street and the backside to the level of the beach. Martha also made a beeline for her bedroom so that Beckett and Castle were left to themselves.

"So… uhm…" Castle nervously stuttered unsure where to start. His eyes diverted onto Charlie who sprinted toward the open window. Faster than speed light, he chased after the young child, scooping him up into his arms without much further ado, "No, Charlie!" he told him as Charlie wriggled in his arms, claiming to be set free.

"Ma-ma!" He next pouted in protest both of his arms stretched out to her as Castle stepped closer. He handed the child back to his mother.

"Just make yourself comfortable. I'm going to go get the baggage out of the cars, all right?"

Beckett nodded faintly as she heard the main door drift shut behind her again. Taking in her new surroundings she wandered across the room with Charlie attached to her hip. The kitchen was fully equipped with all the items that they needed along with matching electronic supplies. It was just a luxurious kitchen she had always dreamed about. There was more than plenty of room for the boys to move around the family room, not to forget to mention the awesome view and sandy beach right outside the window. It was vacation and Beckett couldn't quite remember when was the last time she had had one of those.

Castle stumbled his way inside the house again pulling miscellaneous bags behind him and slumping one of the grocery bags Beckett had brought along from the city onto the kitchen counter. They made quick work stowing everything into the fridge, right before they heard the boys race up the staircase again.

"Not so fast boys! I don't want you running in the stairs, is that understood?"

Far too excited they clung to their mother like glue, telling her all the things they had seen in their bedroom already. The seagulls, and the water, and the waves, and the bathroom… their rambling went on for quite a while and Castle noted their mother's tiredness written all across her face. Three boys sure could be a handful, but he loved the livelihood of it all. It was so different from having an only and quiet child. She masked up her façade with an affectionate smile in spite of the exhaustion washing over her.

"Are you hungry?" Castle decided to chime in, hopefully getting their attention.

"Yes!" Jamie and Matt shouted together.

"All righty then, who wants a sandwich?"

"Me!" both exclaimed in unison.

At least they always agreed when it came to food, Castle thought to himself and prepared a sandwich for all of them, including himself, Alexis and his mother. After their short lunch snack, Beckett put Charlie down for his nap as Alexis watched after the two brothers on the beach. Since it took Beckett quite a long while to return, he decided to go check up on the pair, only to find Beckett fast asleep on top of the bed covers, and a babbling Charlie in his crib. The wooden floor creaked beneath his feet, which put the baby on alert. He turned his head and gazed at the tall man standing in the door pane. Charlie got onto his feet, holding tight onto the sideboard of the baby bed with his tiny fingers.

"Da-da!"

Each and every time Castle's heart skipped a beat. Charlie didn't say it all too often, but when he did, it warmed up the writer's heart. It was just too cute for words. Charlie didn't seem the least tired so he walked over and lifted the baby up into his arms.

"Aren't you supposed to sleep young man?"

Charlie shook his head vigorously, "Ba-boo!" and signed a word which Castle recognized as water.

"All right then…", he carried him upstairs again, gave him some water and then the two sat together to read a book on the couch. What Castle didn't know then, was that an hour later Beckett found both of them sound asleep on the same spot with Charlie lying on his broad chest, a protective hand across his small frame keeping him from falling off the furniture. She had to admit that it had scared her a little bit to wake up to an empty crib and a silent house; something she was definitely not used to. Her eyes were glued onto the man who gave all of himself to the small family she was. It had taken her weeks, even months, to get used to the fact that Richard Castle was in love with her and her boys. Especially within the last couple of weeks they had become like a family already. It felt so good and she loved it all the more.

Lost in her trail of thoughts, it was Castle waking her out of her daydream.

"Hey…? You okay?" Beckett gazed at him confused, "You were like miles away there", he whispered ever so careful as to not wake the sleeping toddler. A minute ticked by, then another… in complete silence.

"I love you", her voice was a bare whisper, her eyes staring deep down into his blue ones. They were glistening through the moisture in them. She didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't say anything else. Only those three words. A silent tear rolled down her right cheek as the realization of her spoken words kicked in. Castle tentatively got up, lightly stirring Charlie in his sleep, but he didn't wake.

"Kate…" he sat opposite of Beckett – who sat on the small couch table. Locking eyes with her, he was sort of speechless. He had been waiting for those words for so long, and now… now, he was out of words. "Wow…"

Well, this might not be the most eloquent way to express himself, but it pretty much came down to how he felt.

"I'm in love with you, Rick… I…"

As so very often she nervously bit her lower lip. This was huge… to her it meant that a new door just went wide open for her, another closing behind her. Was she ready for that step? Yes, she was… reason why those words even left her mouth. They weren't blurted, they weren't just said while caught in the moment. No, they were true words of how she felt for him. Her trembling hands rested in his so softly as she felt his thumbs brush over the back of her hands. He gave them a light pull to bring her closer to him so that he could kiss her.

"You really make me a very happy man, Katherine Beckett."

Her wide warm-hearted smile was contagious. He loved her smile so much and thought it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. She could light up an entire room with a simple smile. She always knew how to lift his mood.

"I love you, Kate…" Castle added mesmerized by the beauty sitting right in front of him.

He was unable to tear his eyes off her face, analyzing every single feature. He had been doing this quite often, especially at night time when he didn't get any sleep. His favorite past time was to stare at her and watch her sleep.

"Tonight, I…"

The rosy blush creeping on her cheekbones gave her implications away, boosting Castle's ego on the way, but he knew her quite well by now.

"We don't have to, Kate…"

"But I want to" she said a tad bit too abruptly that made his grin grow brighter.

He couldn't help teasing, "Okay, your wish is my command, my lady."

Beckett's lips were pursed, "Don't make it sound like that!"

"Like what?" he feigned innocence, but the trick wasn't going to work on her.

"I just wanted you to know, that… uhm… I'm ready, I mean… God! I should have never said that, and let things happen. I'm such a moron!" she exclaimed hiding her face in her hands.

Castle chuckled, "But you're a cute moron." His eyes were sincere and she could see how much it actually meant to him despite their playful attitude. Tonight was going to be the night he had been waiting for so long. It had to be perfect. It was going to be perfect. He had never planned anything, especially not this week, but he still knew it was going to be amazing, because it was going to be her. The woman he fell in love with half a year ago, and tonight he was going to make sure to show her just how much she meant to him.

Bringing her attention back to his eyes, he leaned in to capture her lips into a long smoldering kiss, "I love you. Whatever you say or whatever you do, it doesn't matter… because I love you, and if tonight is going to happen, then we're going to let it happen. And if not, so be it… there's tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and so on. We're in no rush… Okay?"

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**A/N: Beckett's such a tease, now isn't she? LOL. And yes, as you might have guessed it the next chapter will be NC rated.**

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****_tbc_


	26. Chapter 26

******A/N: NC-rated Chapter can be found here: s/8793955/1/  
**

**Please also note that this chapter is lightly PG 13 rated!  
**

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**Chapter 26**

"Hey..." Castle peered his head through the split open door to the adjoined bathroom. He had been waiting for quite a while now in bed but after ten minutes Beckett was still out of sight, and the fact that no sound was coming from the room next door, got him worried.

She flashed him a brief smile, diverting her eyes back to an invisible spot on the sink.

"Something wrong?" he thus enquired.

This time she shook her head in the negative, "No, yes... uhm... maybe... I don't know..." Castle's smile grew an inch wider. She was even more adorable when nervous. "Don't make fun of me, all right! You know I haven't... I..." Castle wasn't making fun of her at all. He just thought their situation to be somewhat cute. Her uneasiness though seemed to be getting out of hand here. "I'm not you, Rick."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know..." At his quizzical expression she continued, "You've had like hundreds of girlfriends. I can't compete with that."

Castle chuckled, "Hundreds? Please, you make it sound so bad. And FYI, I've never had _hundreds of girlfriends_!" he air quoted, "Why are we having this conversation anyway?" But silence was the only explanation he received. "You want my number? Okay, fine... fourteen."

Her eyes shot up at him in surprise. She knew him, but probably not as well as she thought she would. Fourteen? She must have heard wrong. As a bachelor he constantly used to have beautiful women hanging around him. There clearly must have been a mistake. But what had she really expected? More? Less?

"Not that I've really counted, but you wanted to know. I've been married to two of them as you know." Kate Beckett didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't say a word. She was speechless. It was true. He had been married. Twice.

Castle entered the bathroom, stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. Wrapped up like that they briefly locked eyes in their reflection. The crimson colour on either side of her cheek made her look extremely stunning.

"So, what about you?" Beckett shrugged swallowing her own silence. "Kate?" Castle playfully tickled her sides in the hope to get her to reveal him her secret number.

"Two, okay?" she threw at him, trying to get his prying fingers off her ticklish sides.

Castle remained flabbergasted, probably just as much as she had been earlier. He was quite surprised to say the least. She was a very beautiful woman and two seemed... flattering. Pieces of the puzzle fitting together in his head started to make more sense to him now. He felt stupid for pushing her buttons like that and regretted his previous actions.

"Kate" he breathed her name, his voice soft, like a whisper caressing over her face. When silent tears of sadness rolled down her rosy cheeks he couldn't help but lean in and lay the faintest of kisses onto her lips.

"I'm sorry..." Beckett nervously sniffled. "I just... I'm sorry... I guess I'm a little bit antsy."

"Hey, I told you we have all the time in the world. I love you Kate and I'm not saying that just to get you to sleep with me. I think I've never loved a woman as much as I love you, Kate, and that scares me a little." Beckett flashed him one of her looks that needed more convincing, "I want to get this right. I want us to work and I am worried about pushing you too much or not enough, just because I want this to work. I'm so in love with you Kate, and nothing, nothing will make me feel indifferent to you. If you've slept with two men only, so be it. I feel very honoured. Not because I'll be the third, but because I know how important that step is in your eyes. You really think it through all the time, right?" He added in a more playful tone which brought the faintest of smiles to the corner of her lips.

She gulped a couple of times before nodding her head, "It is... important to me. I'm not just sleeping around... that doesn't mean that I think you are... I just..."

Beckett stumbled again over her words. Castle smiled lovingly, "You're more reserved, I know and I respect your choice. I've nothing but reverence for that decision. It's important and it's personal no matter what. I want you to know that there's been a couple of one night stands but they were all consensual. Spurt of the moment kind of thing, you know... But I always respected these women, Kate. Don't judge me on what you've once read in the papers."

"I'm not, Rick."

A very long moment of silence grew between them. Beckett's mind was busy digesting all the information she had just received, trying to trust him because she was in love with him, and she wanted them to cross that final step in their relationship. Even though it might come off different, Beckett was ready, else way she would have never brought it up.

"So? Are we good?"

Beckett nibbled on her lower lip for a while before nodding her head timidly, "Yeah, we're good."

She was leaning with her bottoms up against the sink. Castle stepped closer, tilted her chin up so he could kiss her again. He only parted when he needed air again.

"Good... 'cause I want to make love to you now."

The silky gown Beckett had thrown over earlier was very enticing. It barely covered her bottoms revealing him those endless long legs that went all the way up to her hipbones. They were doing things to him. If he were to let go of his imagination, he would take her right here, right now and very roughly. He knew better though. First they needed to get acquainted and all he really wanted to do was for that moment to last forever.

He started kissing her lips fiercely and after a short moment he had already made her breathless and panting for air. She moaned and pushed her body up against his. His hands that once rested on either side of her hips were now making their way up her ribcage, bringing the silky material along. Draping his strong hands to the naked small of her back, he purposefully pulled her softly up against his body where he knew she could feel the emotions she was waking within him.

"Rick" her voice was a soft moan trying to get his attention.

"Yes Kate" he hushed in between nibbles of kisses on her hot throat.

"Actually, there's only been one..."

Castle moved a few inches away from her, just so he could have a better look at her face, his eyes searching, demanding for clarification. His arms though remained in place.

"What?"

"Only Scott... we... I... I'm a one and done type of girl, Rick." Castle felt that there was more to come, "I was so in awe of him, Rick, when I first met him. I just hung on his every word. And then later I realized he was just making up stories to mess with me" Beckett softly smiled until her serious façade came back to surface, "Still after all these months I can't believe that I'm never going to see him again."

Castle knew her words to be true, and even though it hurt him to hear her say those words out loud, he also knew that there were still feelings for that man she once had loved. They had three children together; three beautiful and amazing boys at that. It was part of Beckett's past and he fully respected that part of her life.

"You know what I thought when I first met you?" He asked her cautiously. She hummed wanting him to proceed, "That you were a mystery that I was never gonna solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you I'm … I'm still amazed at the depth of your strength, your heart … and your hotness."

Beckett couldn't help from smiling, "You're not so bad yourself, Rick."

They shared a short moment, but neither wanted to make a move, until Beckett realized that she needed to take matters into her own hands.

"I just wanted you to know, and... wow look at my hands" Both stared at her trembling fingers for a second or two. Castle caught them, brought them up to his lips and kissed them tenderly. For some odd reason he was just as nervous as she was. A feeling he hadn't felt in quite a while, especially not when it came to having sex with a woman. But here and now, he wasn't just going to have sex, he was about to make love to the woman he loved.

He flashed her his reassuring smile, his ocean blue eyes sparkling down at her, "I'll be the perfect gentleman, Kate. I promise..." he whispered, leaned in closer, "I love you so much." kissed her and then pulled her into the bedroom.

Beckett barely managed to turn off the lights, sending the entire room into darkness; or almost darkness since Charlie's night light was still filtering through the room. Their eyes took half a minute to adjust to the black of night. Beckett's attention was diverted onto her coughing son for the split of a second. The little one though rolled onto his other side never waking.

Ten minutes into their heavy make out session, both stopped in their overzealous state. Two pair of eyes went to the child who had just let out a sneeze. Unconsciously Beckett brought her finger to Castle's lips to keep him from talking. Castle knew though that her focus was now directed onto her son and not him.

In the darkness they heard the ruffling sounds of Charlie turning around in his sleep, followed by a couple of squeaking sounds of complaints. Luckily for the adults he fell into slumber again right away. His breathing remained shallow though and the mother instincts inside Beckett told her, he was going to be on a cold soon, which would lead into some sleepless nights.

"Thank you, Charlie" Castle groaned softly into Beckett's neck, as he resumed on his ministrations.

Kissing a wet long trail of kisses from her throat, down to the valley of her breast. He brought his head further down, skimming the silky gown up her torso, so he could be skin to skin with her belly button. His tongue dug into the hole playfully, teasing and tasting it.

Beckett had both of her hands resting on his head to keep him in place and to feel close to him. A soft moan escaped his lips when the tip of her fingers brushed against the nape, sending a wave of cold chills all the way down his spine and to his groin. He couldn't believe that barely touching her procured him with such intense feelings he had a hard time controlling. His mouth was doing wonders to her body. His warm breath against her skin felt so good, to a point she realized that it had been too long for her to even feel this amazing sensation in the pit of her stomach. Her skin tasted deliciously good and her scent was even more intoxicating.

His tongue licked along the waist band of her panties, right above her pubic hair. Unconsciously her legs spread open to give him access to the place she longed him to be. She couldn't stop now… it was going to kill her if they would.

"Kate?" Castle softly called out to her in the dark of night. Thanks to Charlie's night light, he could still have a glimpse at her every once in a while. She could too. She could feel his fingers caressing lovingly over the tender flesh around her abdominal area. Of course Castle understood where it was coming from, but Beckett felt herself stiffen up, which didn't go unnoticed. "Hey… I love everything single bit on you."

It sounded foolish even to his own ears, but what else was he to say?

"You look stunning, Kate… " he thus added. He could have said more, but refrained himself from doing so.

"Mattie, Jamie and Charlie…" Was all she said, as if Castle needed an explanation, but he didn't. His heart warmed at the smile displaying on her face just like every time she spoke of her children.

Castle stole a quick kiss from her lips, before loosing himself in her long stare, "I love you…"

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**Cutting it here… I thought it was important to bring a sweet and funny moment between them. Charlie is being his own cute-self again :o) Last but definitely not least:**

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"I love you, Kate"

"I love you, Rick"

They both whispered into each other ears, their bodies in a limp but very comfortable, slipping into a peaceful dream together minutes later.

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_tbc_


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: When I am writing fanfics I tend to search pictures online for the kids to get a visual on what they look like. Makes it easier for me to write… So here are pictures of Jamie, Mattie and Charlie. My tumblr name is crazycookie76  
**

**Mattie: post / 38135338465 / mattie**

**Jamie: post / 38135327513 / jamie**

**Charlie: post / 38135312763 / charlie**

**Thanks to all of you who have reviewed! I love you!**

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**Chapter 27**

"Hey" Castle's lovely smile beamed down at Beckett when she woke early that morning, thanks to having a young child still waking her in the wee hours of the morning or at least once per night. The alarm clock behind Castle read a little past seven A.M. This was probably one of the first times Charlie had let her sleep in. He hadn't even woken her at nighttime, and by the looks of it, he was still far off into dreamland.

"Hey", she mirrored his smile.

Castle read her thoughts, "Fresh air does miracles to your baby. He's sound asleep."

"Eight hours in a row", Beckett yawned, rolling onto her back so that Castle had to scoot closer up to her, his hand travelling to her midsection and his nose nuzzling comfortably into the crook of her neck. Even at this godly hour she smelled incredibly good to a point he could loose himself in her forever.

"Setting a new record, don't we?" he murmured against her delicate skin.

Beckett didn't need to answer that question and merely wrapped her right arm around his broad shoulder blades, keeping his head in place against her chest. They remained in that position for a short while enjoying the closeness of one another until Castle was in need for a different pose. He propped his head onto his elbow, gazed at her face before tracing a line with the tip of his finger from her forehead, down her nose and to her lips. He leaned in to place a tender kiss against the pink flesh. She hummed, loving the warmth, and pulled him deeper into the kiss. They eventually parted in need for air with their foreheads resting against each other.

"Rick?" Beckett whispered softly.

His eyes opened to find her sparkling green orbs shining up into his blues, "Yes, Kate" he answered emphasizing her given name that easily rolled of his lips. He liked her name… short, strong, yet so pliant.

"Last night…" she started but had to stop in her words because she could literally feel the heat rising in her cheeks. The fact that Richard Castle flashed her his boyish grin didn't help. He waited for her to continue, "Thank you… it was very… uhm… amazing". She was even cuter when she stuttered nervously, but Castle couldn't help himself. She was plain adorable, trying to figure out words to express herself.

"Always, Kate Beckett. You happened to be quite extraordinary too, so no need to thank me." Castle spoke wriggling his eyebrows. She was shy, her face turning crimson, but last night, she had been anything but reticent. Her eyes dreamingly shone up at his and it was quite amazing how he managed to go from playful to serious. She could read all of it in his eyes. His demeanor changing. Their moment was intense as neither flinched, just eyes locked for what seemed like eternity.

When Beckett spoke again, the words that left her mouth were a bare caress, "I love you."

His eyes glistened and smiled at her. His gaze was soft and so affectionate it gave her chills.

"And I love you." he said before kissing her again.

"Make love to me", she requested when they parted. She wanted him, needed him… not just out of pure lust and desire. She wanted to feel that deeper connection again, the one she had felt last night, so unique, so special. A connection she hadn't felt in years and it felt good to be one with the person you were in love with. She wanted to lose herself in him all over again, to be able to trust the person she loved because that person was going to make sure to catch her wherever she was falling. That's what she longed to feel all over again.

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They laid breathless in a tangle of sheets; or at least Castle was the one out of air. He cuddled up next to Beckett because right now his brain was still too foggy to even to think straight, and his heart was still pounding like he had run a semi-marathon. He couldn't get enough of her and kissed her fully and deeply.

"I'm so sorry", he breathed heavily unwilling to let go of her as yet.

Just like he had done previously, Beckett placed her finger against his lips, "Don't feel sorry… never…"

Their eyes locked and time stood still. Castle was about to throw in a funny quote, but the gaze of her eyes refrained him from doing so. They were so full of love and devotion, the same kind of eyes he had seen on her when it came to her children. He felt her long slender fingers combing softly through his messy hair. Her gaze drifting between his eyes, his lips and her playful fingers.

"Thank you" he managed to croak out when her eyes met his again. "I…"

She shushed him down with a finger to his lips, "Always… remember?"

"How could I forget!" he groaned rolling off her and onto his side of the bed. He though made sure she followed him as she snuggled against his side, her head coming to rest on his chest, and his arm draped against her back.

Beckett's eyes went to her sleeping baby. She could hardly believe the little guy to be still asleep. He had managed though to wake her up a couple of times to coughing, but nothing serious, so all she had to do was roll around and keep sleeping.

"Mind if I go for a run?" she pondered absent mindedly, her hand grazing through the soft layer of hair on Castle's chest. She felt him kiss the top of her head.

"Need to get rid of the extra tension?" Lifting her head off his chest she gave him her usual death glare. "No…of course not…" he stuttered pulling her head for another loving kiss. His thumb brushed against her cheeks and his lip connection went from fierce to soft, making it very difficult for her to let go. He watched as she got out of bed, got quickly dressed into underwear, tank top, pair of shorts and running shoes. She briefly disappeared into the en-suite bathroom to emerge seconds later her long hair tied up into a pony tail at the back of her head. She couldn't help and leaned in to kiss him one more time.

"I shouldn't be long. Forty-five minutes top…" She said, stealing a brief glance into the mirror. "If Charlie wakes, he needs his milk right away. You have to send Jamie to the bathroom asap, and Mattie…"

"Hey…" Castle caught her arm. He smiled inwardly… Kate Beckett always needed to be in control of everything. "I know the routine, Kate." he simply said swallowing down his sarcastic comment.

"I just want to…"

"I know" Castle was aware that she trusted him. It was her constant need to control everything that kept getting in the way. He had spent days waking up by her side in her flat. He sure knew by now what the boys' routine was. "You go have fun… I'll have breakfast ready by the time you're back, all right?" Beckett's eyes suddenly diverted onto her slowly waking baby. Castle sensed her hesitation. He also knew how hard it was for her to let go, still after all this time… her children would always be her first priority, and her love for them too. "Go, Kate… I've got him."

Beckett needed to react fast. If Charlie were to see her leave, he'd scream bloody murder and then it would be even harder for her to leave. A quick peck onto Castle's lip with a thankful smile and she was gone.

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_tbc_


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: So I see new followers have signed up! Awesome! Thanks and welcome to my crazy world =)**

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**Chapter 28**

"Mummy, mummy, look what I made!" Jamie patted his mother's side, dangling a drawing in front of her eyes. Unfortunately she only had eyes – and ears – for a very heavily sobbing Charlie.

"Just a minute, Jamie", she apologized to her son who followed her every step.

As if on cue Charlie's cries increased the very second he spotted his mother, crying out for her in between his sobs. His eyes were puffy red, tears were streaming down his rosy cheeks and he also had a running nose that she had to clean, which only resulted into further loud screams.

Lifting him out of Castle's arms, she cradled his tired frame against her chest, "What happened?"

"Nothing" Castle informed her.

She instantly regretted leaving. Castle felt with her. It tore his heart to see the young boy so disrupted.

Charlie needed his mother in the morning, she knew it. She should have known better than to leave him without a proper greeting. Once Charlie was awake and had his milk, only then was it safe enough to leave him with a stranger. Not that Castle or his family were complete strangers to the boy, he still relied upon his mother in the morning; same for pretty much every night. She hardly ever left the house, leaving Alexis alone with the boys as long as Charlie was not in bed yet. Some kids tended to 'forget' once they were distracted, not so much for Charlie. He could be quite the stubborn person in that area, and one couldn't trick him either. They had been through all the possible scenarios. Nothing had worked.

"It's okay baby…mommy's here", Beckett spent the next two minutes pacing up and down along side the French doors. Every now and then her eyes met those of Castle across the room. He had tried everything possible, she knew it deep in her heart, and his saddened eyes told her more than she needed to know verbally.

"The boy's got quite the lungs, sweetheart" said Martha at which Beckett gave a soft apologetic smile.

"Here" Castle handed her the bottle filled with warm milk for Charlie. He grabbed it and fervently started sucking on it. He was hungry, but his mother not being there had prevented him to even feel the sensation of hunger. She kissed the top of the baby's head whispering tender words of love into his ear; just like every mother in the world would to appease their child.

"Mommy?" Jamie gave it a second try to get his mother's attention. As Beckett settled herself comfortably into the soft cushions of the couch, she gazed at Jamie, taking his paper into her hands, "Did you make this?"

The boy nodded his head with a beam, "Yeah, and Alexis helped me do it. It's for you!" he stated proudly. "You've got the yellow one and Rick the red one". Each sheet of white paper had a large handprint of the boy painted on it. Beckett looked across the room where Castle held his gift into the air to show her. "I also wrote my name on it. Alexis said so. She said every artist has to write the name on his artwork. Alexis helped me to do that too, see?"

"What's it say?" Beckett played the ignorant one to boost her child's confidence.

"It says Jamie. That's my name, mommy, 'cause I made it. So you won't forget…"

"Oh, right… Well thank you very much!"

Rather satisfied with his piece and making his mother happy, he bounced off into the distance. Alexis and Martha were busy setting up the table for breakfast along with Matt. Castle handed two more glasses to Jamie so he could add them on the table along with the others, before he caught up with Beckett.

"Things going well here, I see" Castle declared seeing a toothy smiling Charlie again. He was wriggling in his mother's arms on end, now that he was finished with his milk. Despite the content face, the young child's eyes were still sort of puffy due to his crying, but he sure was back to his usual self. Charlie babbled some gibberish at Castle, handing him a toy along the way.

"Ma-ma"

The grin on Castle's face grew wider, "I told you mommy was going to be back soon." The boy's green eyes pierced into his with full attention. He was almost analyzing every single feature on the writer's face. His eye brows frowning as the tall man was making conversation to him.

"Breakfast's ready…" Castle eventually informed Beckett. She knew it was and handed Charlie out to him.

"Let me just get a new shirt. I didn't even have the time to shower yet…" she stumbled over her words. Walking away Charlie called out for her and started fussing right away again. He had slept so well last night, how come he was so cranky, was beyond Beckett. "Charlie…" she started then resigned, deciding to just get that damn shirt and get it over with.

At her return everybody was seated around the breakfast table, Charlie still letting out his best vocals that went straight through the skin. Today simply was going to be one of those days.

"Charlie, that's enough now!" Beckett, albeit softly, scowled her youngest. His cries gradually subsided yet for the remainder of the mealtime he was everything but a sweet little boy.

Afterward Castle and Beckett were left to themselves, while Martha and Alexis took the bigger boys for a walk alongside the beach. With shovel and buckets in hands to collect seashells, their goal was set and they were all good to go. It was quite windy this morning so all of them were nicely wrapped him warm windbreakers as they left the house.

"I seriously don't know what's wrong with him today", Beckett sighed while she set her dishes into the sink, leaning up against the board rubbing her temple. Her stare crossed the room to her wandering toddler, grabbing, touching and throwing all of his toys out of the bag and onto the floor, creating a big mess all around the place.

"Hey, come here" Castle spoke, pulling her up against his chest to make her feel better.

"He's slept ten hours in a row, he's fed, he's playing with his toys and yet he's not satisfied. I still need to have a shower and the second I turn my back on him, he's going to scream murder again. I want my sweet little boy back." Beckett talked to herself before sighing and letting Castle's embrace work some magic on her well-being, if only for a minute or two.

"Go have a bath instead, take him with you. It will take your stress away and he will have his own fun."

Beckett looked up into his eyes so hopeful. What did she do to deserve such an understanding man, always helpful and constantly seeking for her best? She though couldn't resist his offer. Right now Charlie was calm, not fussy even if turning the room upside down was in full progress, at least he wasn't crying. Getting onto her tiptoes, she kissed his lips tenderly.

"I love you", she mustered in the most sincere voice she could muster, his blue eyes shining down on her.

"I love you more"

Beckett chuckled, "Sometimes I think that's true…"

Understanding her implication he added, "It's your vacation too. You have every right to relax."

Without much further ado Castle stepped across the room, lifted Charlie up against his chest and while balancing him on his hip, he fetched Beckett's hand and pulled both of them back into their bedroom and into the en-suite bathroom. He ran her a warm bath, adding some of the baby bath cream into the water while Beckett undressed her son's sleepwear and dirty diaper. Setting him onto the ground, Charlie ran up to "Da-da" who was kneeling next to the tub to check the water temperature.

He briefly gazed at Charlie's naked frame and said, "I see you're all set to go" lifted him into the tub where he made Charlie sit down. "Here's your boat… and what do we have here, oh, letters… lots of letters…"

"Ba-boo" Charlie babbled holding the boat up into the air.

"Boat, Charlie…boat" Castle articulated aware the young boy might still take a while before actually saying the word correctly, and just like expected Charlie proudly proclaimed "Ba-boo" without even bothering to acknowledge the writer's words.

He nervously gulped several times when he noted Beckett's long slender legs passing by and getting into the warm water, letting her body engulf by the few bubbles. She pulled Charlie between her legs to make sure of him not sliding on the slippery surface of the tub.

"Got everything you need?"

"Yeah, I think so… oh, Charlie's baby towel. I might have left it hanging on the baby bed."

Castle returned to the bathroom with said towel, his eyes resting for several seconds on the beautiful pair in front of him. He simply couldn't get enough of her, of them… They were like a magnet, all of them. Beckett and her sons… He just couldn't let go of them. Watching mother and son interact together was a view he would never tire of, whether they were playing, cuddling or reading a book.

When their eyes met, a smile grew on her lips, "Thank you"

Castle mirrored hers, "Always"

"Say bye to daddy", Beckett unconsciously cooed to her playful son.

Castle froze on his toes, looked at her and then Charlie who was beaming the smile that could make the grown man go weak in the knees.

"Bye-bye" Charlie innocently parroted with a wave of his little hand.

Castle could have melted right then and there. His heart was beating so fast, he was pretty sure Beckett could hear it. His mouth was dry and tears were brimming in his eyes. He was caught in the moment and felt Beckett's eyes on him. He didn't manage to look at her.

Beckett on her side, was left dumbfounded at her own words. Her head told her to take them back, but her heart told her otherwise. Castle had been like a father to Charlie for the past half a year. No matter how much she fought against it, he was Charlie's da-da. She was in love with Rick.

After all those months they had crossed the last line of their ever growing relationship last night. She had let him in… and yes, she liked the idea of it… all of it. She secretly wished to be able, or to have the courage to move forward faster, but baby steps would have to do. She was still afraid all of this beautiful dream to come to an end. It would crush her heart, and she wasn't quite sure whether she was going to make it. She realized then and there that her love for Richard Castle had a much deeper meaning than the love she had once felt for Scott Cullen. Despite their relationship failure, he had given her three amazing boys that she loved from the bottom of her heart. They meant the world to her, and the fact that Richard Castle felt just as protective over them as did she, was another reason why she had fallen for him. He loved all of them. She enjoyed the way he embraced life, enjoying every moment of it and seeing the beauty in every single item. Even a tea spoon would get his vivid imagination going. He made her boys happy, brought a smile onto their faces and loved them like they were his own, never judging them for actually being some other men's blood and flesh. He was just all around perfect. Him being good looking, tall, charming, and well, rich were mere added bonuses.

When their eyes locked, something attracted Castle her way. He didn't know what it was and he didn't even really bother too much about it, as he leaned in to capture her lips in a loving kiss.

"I love you, Kate Beckett."

Her eyes were literally glistening up at him with so much love that he caught her mouth once more to seal his declaration officially.

"Da-da, ah!" Charlie splashed around with his tiny fingers, soaking Castle's shirt on the way.

"Charlie!"

"It's just water, Kate!" he reminded her, not caring the split of a second about the wet shirt.

"Da-da, ah!" Both arms were stretching above his little head.

"No matter how much I like the idea of soaking up with the both of you" Castle said to Charlie, though his words were meant for Beckett, "You stay in there with mommy and I'm going to go get some sandwiches ready for lunch, and this afternoon, I'm going to take mommy shopping."

"Shopping?" Beckett exclaimed finally meeting his eyes.

"What? What's wrong with a little shopping? Don't all of you women love shopping?"

Beckett grumbled incoherently between gritted teeth which Castle purposefully dismissed with a grin, before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

* * *

_tbc_


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Right after breakfast the family gathered together for a shopping journey in the Hamptons. The boys weren't all too thrilled about that part because it meant that they would have to be quiet and behave all the time. All they longed to do was run around the beach instead. They reluctantly gave in as both adults promised them a relaxing afternoon in the pool if everything went accordingly.

Their first halt consisted of some sightseeing of the light house, something the boys really enjoyed even though Beckett needed to remind them over and over again as to know run around and push other tourists along their way. Meanwhile Charlie loved the view he got from Castle's shoulders since strollers weren't allowed in this tight place. Apart from that, who in their right mind would fancy carrying a stroller of an over one hundred winding staircase? Nobody.

"Rick! Look at the Sea! It's sooooo big! Did you see?" Jamie kept exclaiming. "Mommy, did you see?"

"In fact it's an Ocean, Jamie. The Atlantic Ocean." Rick corrected the young child as all of them gazed in mesmerize at the wide open water in front of them.

"I'd like to travel the Ocean some day." Matt proclaimed with pride, adding, "There was a documentary on TV the other day about some kid who travelled all around by himself. That has be pretty cool."

Beckett wasn't quite sure what to think of her eldest son's enthusiasm about conquering the world all by himself. She was already having a hard time watching him grow up as it was, and the mere thought of knowing him out there, alone… it scared her.

There was not much room left in the lighthouse with the entire Beckett-Castle family up there and soon they descended the stairwell again to leave room for the next tourists. All the while both Jamie and Matt seemed to have had a blast visiting the Montauk lighthouse as they came up with a multitude of ideas on how to conquer the world some day. Matt would love to do it by sailing while Jamie preferred using an air plane or a bike, of which Castle warned Jamie would take him a very long time to complete his mission.

As so very often the conversation ensued a brand new one on what the boys' future profession was going to be like. And while Matt came up with a list of more plausible careers, Jamie confessed he wanted to be a writer some day, 'just like Rick', so he could 'do nothing all day long and watch TV'. Needless to point out those words ended with a groan from Castle and a snickering sound from Beckett.

"Hey!" Castle interjected in defence at Beckett, "Might I remind you that my presumed '_do nothing all day long and watch TV_' occupation graces you with an arsenal of luxurious amenities."

He saw her eyes flicker, and before saying another word, he instead laced their fingers together as the family trotted through the small museum right next to the lighthouse. Even though Alexis was taking care of the boys for a large part, they still kept running back and forth between the couples with diverse exclamations. Once outside again the boys made a run for the cars. Castle chuckled with delight observing Charlie chase behind his older brothers.

"You're not doing '_nothing_'" Beckett felt the need to clarify. "You take care of so many things that I wouldn't even know where to start off."

Castle halted their stride, "He's a little boy, Kate. He doesn't know… And there is still a certain truth in Jamie's words. Sometimes there are days where I do nothing… well, so to speak… you know what I mean. My job doesn't entail an 8am to 5pm schedule. Besides, right now I get most of my writing done either during day time when he's off at kindergarten, or at night when he's asleep. So he pretty much only sees what I'm doing when he's there and not when he's not there. Both of them, so it's natural for them to assume that. They don't know any better. I loved to have that freedom when raising Alexis. I was always there for her when needed, or Mother was there too ever since she moved back in with me years ago. I think I'm stuck with her forever." He added with a lighter note before finishing of his words with an innocent kiss to her lips.

"You coming?" He asked upon seeing her not move an inch.

"Yeah, sure…" Beckett shook herself out of her daydream, "Where are we headed to now?"

"Lunch and then shopping. Seriously how could you come to the beach and forget your bathing suit?" Castle shook his head in disbelieve.

Not all too soon both families were strapped in their cars and making their way South again to the bay where they enjoyed a succulent lunch outdoors on a terrace of a fish restaurant. Unfortunately half way through their meal, Charlie started become very fussy. It was almost time for his afternoon nap and they had yet to accomplish their shopping tour. For once, Castle was glad Beckett had insisted on taking the stroller along with them. It though didn't stop Beckett from throwing in an 'I told you so'.

Their first stop brought them to a baby store where Castle purchased a portable and folding high chair for Charlie that they could easily fix onto any table. Beckett regretted not owning any but she obviously also hadn't needed one either until now.

As they exited the store, Alexis and Martha longed to stroll around the place to themselves. They mutually agreed on meeting at the car again in about an hour from now. Once settled, Castle pushed the stroller with a sleeping toddler in front of him, while Beckett was holding hands with Matt and Jamie. Much to her regret Castle pulled her into a toy store where he bought several items the boys could use in the pool later that afternoon. He also granted them a second toy, which clearly upset Beckett a little bit.

"Thank you, Rick!" Jamie exclaimed excitedly clutching his kite under his arm.

Matt seconded that with a large smile plastered all over his face and his soccer ball now attached to his hip.

"No playing around on the street or inside the shops, Mattie!" Beckett gave him her fair warning. "Or your ball's gone for the day. Understood?" He nodded his head without really listening to his mother since he was too busy giggling at the funny mimics Castle was making behind Beckett's back. "What are you doing?" Beckett scolded him just like she did her children.

"Nothing!" Castle threw in with a high pitched voice, but Beckett didn't believe his words at all. In order to avoid her deadly glare, he fetched the miniature lawn mower for Charlie off the cashier and made a bee line for the exit.

"Can we go to the pool now?" Matt grunted five minutes later as they entered yet another store. He was just as anxious as his brother to head back home now.

"We need to pick a suit for your mother, Mattie. I promise we'll go to the pool soon after, all right?"

Both let out another long groan after which Castle made them sit down on a bench with the promise to behave while the two adults would be going through the racks. It took Beckett a while to find a swimsuit that would fit her slightly rounder curves. It wasn't easy at all and she hated nothing more than shopping for a bikini ever since her body had gone through three pregnancies.

"How is it going?"

Beckett heard Castle's voice from the other side. She was about to do her happy dance, but one look at the price tag and she nearly fainted. She silently wondered to herself how two small pieces of cloth could cost more than a warm winter coat?

"Don't!" She almost screamed when Castle took a peek through the curtain.

"It doesn't fit!" She said, hoping to avoid any other awkward moment.

"What do you mean 'it doesn't fit'? It looked perfectly fine from what I could see!"

Within a minute Beckett reappeared completely dressed again. She wanted to scream, she wanted to yell that life wasn't fair, but she knew he would understand none of it, so she kept quiet. Her eyes went to her playing sons on the bench as they kept themselves entertained by throwing the ball at each other. Charlie was busy climbing up and down Castle's leg. Her desire to spend as much time as possible with her sons increased by the second, and regretted not being able to join them in the pool.

"What?" Castle wondered out loud, reading defeat across her features.

"I can't afford it." She willingly confided in him.

"O-kay…" Castle sighed, aware what was going to come next anyway. "So you like it?" He thus simply asked.

"Yes." She admitted but still was unable to look him in the eyes.

Castle carefully fetched the item out of her hands and went to pay for it instead. When he returned she hadn't moved from the spot as her eyes remained on her sons except that now she had an agonizing Charlie in her arms.

"Ma-ma! Da!" shrieked out Charlie, rendering half of the customers deaf.

She bent down to strap him back into the stroller, but that only intensified his cries and before the clerk showed up the little family made their way out of the store and back to the car where they met Martha and Alexis.

They drove back to Castle's place and Beckett only found some time to herself when the sound of her sons' delighted squeals faded into the distance. A soft knock on the bathroom's door lightly startled her. Castle's apology followed as he walked up behind her tentatively before sneaking his arms from behind around her body. His gaze met hers in the mirror.

"Stunning…" His whispered word tickled against her neck, rising goose bumps through her body. "I love you"

She smiled at their reflection, caressing her hands over his that rested across her mid-section.

"Thank you for…"

"No need to… I know better than to argue with a woman when it comes to bikini shopping, that's all I'm going to say about the subject. So, you ready for that pool?"

Through the house they heard the shrilling sounds of three very energetic boys. Beckett spun around and pulled his head down so their lips could briefly seal in a loving kiss.

"I love you too" Beckett whispered with a hint of blush on either of her cheeks. "Tonight I want to love you again."

Her shyness couldn't get any cuter in Castle's point of view but he loved it no matter what. His grin grew wider, "Sounds like a plan to me" before sweeping her feet off the ground with another long kiss that left them both breathless. They needed a couple of seconds to return to this world. He glided his hand into hers and pulled her along with him to the pool, where Matt and Jamie kept splashing into the pool and Alexis was gently trying to get Charlie into the water but as very often the little boy was screaming bloody murder.

"It's all right, Alexis." Beckett reassured the semi traumatized teenager, "It's his first time…" lifting a sobbing Charlie into her arms.

"Oh… Well that would explain it."

For the next hour the boys got rid of their energy as good as they could. Not all too soon though they appeared claiming to be hungry, then thirsty. Next they needed to go to the bathroom… It was never ending, but Beckett and Castle tried to make the best out of it. Tonight they would be rewarded for the turmoil from this afternoon. Charlie didn't want to leave his mother's side for the split of a second, so that Castle ended up having some fun with the boys in the pool instead. Beckett silently observed the scenery and managed to read a couple of pages of her book as Charlie scampered across the green lawn with his mini-mower.

The atmosphere somewhat calmed down as the boys crashed down onto he lounge chairs with ice-creams in their hands. They were both exhausted and Beckett was even worried for Matt for a short while as his lips had turned all blue; which had been a clear sign for her before calling them out of the pool to chill down. When the boys were finished with their ice-cream they decided to kick some ball in the yard. Beckett took that opportunity and juggled Charlie on her right hip.

"Ma-ma!" The toddler exclaimed flashing the water a wary look. He didn't trust the water at all and literally clung to his mother. "Ma-ma!"

Minutes later Castle had joined the pair in the pool and now both adults were doing their best at getting Charlie to like the idea of being surrounded by water. The first try was excruciatingly deafening to both of them. Charlie's little body went all stiff against his mother's as he sobbed vehemently into the crook of her neck. They tried different approaches and it took a couple more minutes before the water had gained Charlie's trust. Soon his gurgling and giggling sounds warmed up both their hearts as each took a turn to guide Charlie through his first experience of water. Beckett felt relieved when her son let Castle take over for a while. His rigid body from before had felt as if she were carrying a gigantic rock. She was glad to feel blood going through the veins of her right arm again.

"Jump, Charlie!" Castle encouraged his little man with arms wide open, ready to catch him. Charlie jumped, landing with a loud splash into the water where Castle fetched him out right away and balanced him against his hip. "What?" he asked, sensing Beckett's eyes on him.

"Don't… I mean… You have to… I'm sorry…" She last apologized for even thinking the words out loud.

Castle pulled her by the waist and silenced her with a tender kiss. "You're amazing and I love you."

She nervously bit her lower lip, ashamed that the thoughts had even crossed her mind. He would never let anything happen to her sons, she knew that. And yet she kept repeating that very thought over and over again in her head; call it mother instinct. As usual Castle read her anxiety and managed to reassure only by the means of looks. They knew quite well how to communicate without words.

"Mo, mo, mo!" Charlie claimed, getting both adults' attention once more.

"You want more?" Castle repeated as the little one nodded his head vigorously.

Castle thus lifted the three feet tall at the edge of the pool. He quickly fixed Charlie's swim vest before giving him the green lights to jump into his arms. He squealed with delight and kept repeating this procedure for a dozen times more until he started spitting water and coughing on end. Beckett decided it to be enough and of course just like expecting Charlie started to pout, pushing his mother's hands away. He bounced giddily around the edge, a pair of wide open green eyes staring at Castle while he managed to escape his mother, laughing mischievously.

"No… Ma-ma!"

Castle came to Beckett's rescue and caught the running man by one arm, taking matters into his own hands.

"Charlie! No running around the pool!" He scolded before lifting the toddler into his arms. "Listen to mommy!"

Instead of obeying the thick skulled toddler started kicking arms and legs which every way.

"All right, Charlie, that's enough!" Beckett put her foot down, "He's completely hyper. That's for not getting any decent nap."

Beckett took him out of the pool and for the remainder of the afternoon Charlie was everything but no sweetheart. At dinner time he barely ate anything and before Beckett was going to loose her mind, she had him ready for bed within the span of three minutes. Charlie refused wishing good night to all of them, stating "No, bed, ma-ma" over and over again.

Ten minutes later Beckett returned to the family room only to find Castle in the kitchen who proceeded to close the dish washer before hitting the ON-button as the machine roared away. Her long sigh made him turn around and no words were needed to know how she felt. Charlie's wailing from the basement could be heard throughout the entire house.

"Where are Mattie and Jamie?" She asked, ignoring her youngest one's persistent cries.

"I sent them downstairs to put on their pyjamas."

Beckett groaned ready to make a U-turn for the lower level. Castle instantly caught her hand.

"You stay here… No 'buts'. I'll call you when it's time to wish good night. Breathe…" He said giving her shoulders a brief massage and a kiss to her temple. "I'll be right back…"

Castle caught up with the boys downstairs, who unfortunately had been busy turning the entire bathroom upside down. He reprimanded them and they were forced to clean up their mess with his help. Once teeth were brushed and pyjamas were on, he clutched one boy under each arm, carried them through the hallway and straight into the guestroom. They read a book together and when it was time to turn off the lights, Castle called out for Beckett.

A quarter of an hour to herself were enough to calm her down since she appeared in the door pane with a soft smile on her face.

"Hey…"

The room had already been sent into darkness, but Beckett crossed the room anyway to wish each son goodnight and sweet dreams.

"Mommy?" Jamie whispered into the dark, holding a firm grip around Beckett's neck. "I want to go to the pool some more tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes, sweetie… now it's time to sleep."

"I can't sleep if Charlie's crying, mom!" Matt pouted.

"I'm gonna go get him, okay." She spoke, walking out the door and closing it ajar behind her.

It had been a long fifteen minutes, but it seemed like Charlie was in no mood to sleep. When she entered the master bedroom she found a heavy sobbing Charlie with puffy eyes and big tears rolling down his reddened cheeks in Castle's arms while he paced up and down the room in the hope to ease his screams.

"Ma…ma" His voice hitched with his sobs. With both arms above his head he longed to be in his mother's arms again. Castle handed him over to her and both of them made their way upstairs again. They met Alexis in the kitchen, getting herself an iced tea out of the refrigerator.

"Is there anything I can do?" She gazed between her father and Beckett.

"Thanks, pumpkin…" He spoke tenderly into her red long tresses as he briefly gathered his daughter into a bear hug. "He just wants Kate… what are you up to?" He asked getting an iced tea also for himself and Beckett.

"Gram's out on the terrace and I'm gonna join her to read my book."

"Have fun… we might join you as soon as Mr. Cranky, here" Castle lightly tickled Charlie's pudgy sides, "decides to get some much needed sleep."

In the meantime, Beckett had reheated Charlie's milk bottle and the little guy was already fervently sucking away while resting protectively and cosily in his mother's arms, his eyes never leaving the tall writer. Castle's eyes rested as so very often at the bonding pair in front of him as he sat next to Beckett.

"Hey… little man…" He cooed softly, tickling the boy's tiny feet. Charlie let out a short snicker, but still continued drinking away. He was hungry and Beckett felt relieved that the place had eventually turned much calmer than a few minutes ago. She could even hear the waves of the ocean crashing against the shore through the open French doors. A soft breeze swept through the room which felt very refreshing from the beating heat from this afternoon. "You okay?" Castle wanted to make sure.

Beckett seemed to be miles away from this place. She met his eyes, nodded her head and flashed him a thankful smile.

"Yeah" she added in a low voice, "I just want to get him to bed…" Her eyes unconsciously went to her rather sleepy son. But he was putting up a battle with his closing eye lids.

"Ma-ma, mo?" Charlie babbled and hand signed, once the bottle was empty, holding it up for her to see.

"No, Charlie. That's enough. All-done." Beckett signed back at him. He pulled his lip before diving his head up against her chest before nestling himself comfortably into her lap. Per Beckett's request Castle got one of his baby books and they both read words together with him to repeat. Half of them were pronounced correctly, the other half was his own little babble language. Castle couldn't help thinking how cute he was. His sweet innocence as he looked up at them with each word, those green eyes shining up at him, warmed his heart. As minutes ticked by, Charlie's eye lids felt heavier and heavier. When he was right about falling the edge, they brought him down and laid him into his bed. Not a sound came from him as they finally left the room.

"Quiet, oh how I love thou" Beckett sighed contently before stealing a glance at her watch; 9.30 P.M.

Both were leaning up against the wall without moving. Castle felt melancholic and brought his hand to her belly, skimming it beneath her shirt and pulled at her waist to bring her closer to him. Their lips met in a short kiss but soon both were captivated by their fervent embrace until they needed to break apart for air.

"God, I've been wanting to do this all day long, Kate…" he breathed heavily with a certain glint in his eyes.

Her sparkling eyes were gazing dreamingly at him as she nervously sucked on her lower lip.

"Me too…"

He smiled smugly at her, stole one more kiss from her lips before intertwining their fingers. "Later, but I am not going to deny it… I can't wait for it…"

Again she bit her lips. Two could play this game. "So… I guess you liked the bikini too…"

"Oh… you're evil…" he groaned as he followed her step outside onto the patio.

* * *

_tbc_


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Both Beckett and Castle cautiously entered the boys' room. They were both surprised to find the pair still sleeping. In fact the entire house still seemed to be in deep slumber. It had been a long night the previous day, but Beckett couldn't wait to celebrate her middle child's birthday.

While Castle remained in the door frame, Beckett walked up to the queen sized bed. Sitting on the edge of Jamie's side, she affectionately ran her hand through his dark brown curls to slowly wake him. Little by little his eyes fluttered open, but still a little bit groggy he sat in her lap, wrapped arms and legs around his mother's body and hid his head into her neck.

"Happy birthday, baby." She blew against his temple before dropping a loving kiss onto it.

Jamie groaned, struggling to fully wake. He yawned and rubbed his eyes a couple of times as Beckett ran her hand up and down his spine, cuddling her little man as close as he could be to her. Eventually his eyes landed on the tall man leaning against the door pane.

"Today's my birthday, Rick!" He spoke a tad bit giddier as if Castle wasn't aware of that detail.

He though smiled down at the grinning birthday boy and stepped closer to the pair, "I know that, Jamie. Happy birthday, little man!" and tousled the boy's hair. Jamie reached out for Castle and Beckett let him crawl to the side next to her where Castle welcomed him into his arms as they both shared a long hug. After another while Jamie was completely awake and ready to start the day. Soon followed Matt and then the four of them went upstairs into the open living room and kitchen where they were greeted by Alexis.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Sorry we didn't hear you there…" Castle apologized and kissed his daughter.

Alexis shrugged it off, "I didn't want to interrupt your moment. Happy Birthday, Jamie!"

Jamie little by little became his bouncy self since every one's attention landed on him. Well, today was his day after all and just like Charlie, Castle wanted him to have the best birthday of his life.

Last night before heading the pillow, the three adults – Alexis included - had spent half an hour decorating the entire place with balloons and banners. The entire place was screaming a boy's birthday party in zoo theme. Jamie didn't know where to look first as he leaped across the room and around the table. Martha struggled her way through the running children.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Jamie tried to catch his mother's attention, but Beckett was busy getting the table ready so they could eat breakfast.

"Yes, Jamie"

"Can I open it, please?" he begged clutching one wrapped package under his right arm and holding another one in his left hand, rattling it to figure out what might be inside.

"Jamie, please, I told you, right after breakfast, all right?"

Jamie sulked and pouted angrily, hiding his misery into the cushions of the couch. While Castle left to get Charlie, the others all sat around the table as many mornings before. This afternoon they were going to drive back to the city and their one week vacation would come to an end unfortunately. As soon as Jamie was done with breakfast, he scampered off to where the pile of gifts rested on the small couch table. Within seconds paper was torn and exclamations were filling the room.

"Mommy! I got plenty of building blocks! Look!"

"Yes, I can see that sweetheart, and what do you say?"

"Thank you, mommy!" he screamed jumping up and down and then around her neck. A wet big smooch was placed onto her cheek.

"But the gifts are from all of us, so you also need to thank Rick, Martha and Alexis."

Jamie didn't need to be told twice as he gave them the same reverence he had to his mother.

"Play with me, Rick!" Jamie pleaded, pulling Castle's arm, who wasn't quite finished with his meal yet. Beckett's reprimanding words just faded without being heard, "Please, Rick! You have to! It's my birthday!"

Castle met Beckett's eyes and she knew she had lost the battle, "It's his birthday, Kate…" was the only explanation he gave her and left the table to play with Jamie and Charlie. Matt squatted next to the pair minutes later.

Beckett let out a long sigh at the messy table the big family had created. Martha and Alexis were nowhere to be found, leaving Beckett to conclude that Martha wanted to escape the chaos, while Alexis probably went for her morning shower. Without complaining she took matters into her own hands and started on the house chores, since Castle was preoccupied some place else. It took her no longer than fifteen minutes to get the place spit and span again. She leaned up against the marble kitchen counter and gazed at the playing men on the floor near the French doors. Castle was already making up stories to their makeshift train station now slowly spreading out across the couch area.

"No, Charlie! Mommy, Charlie's breaking everything! Go away!" Jamie gave his younger brother a shove, but since he wasn't very skilled the shove ended up harder than he meant it to be.

Charlie's sweet and innocent facial expression changed instantly before he let out a long cry. Instinctively his head turned his mother's way. Finding her looking at him, his cry intensified within the second as he rushed from the couch to the kitchen where he threw himself into her legs and awaiting arms. In the meantime Castle was giving Jamie a lecture on not pushing his brother away.

"But he's touching everything!" Jamie sulked.

"He also wants to play, Jamie"

"He's not! He breaks the train!" Jamie defended himself, and although Jamie might be right, Castle needed to make it clear out to him that it wasn't his intention to break it. The concept of playing was still hard to grasp for Charlie. He was now more in a rather destructive phase and climbing on top of everything in his reach.

As not to make the situation any worse, Beckett went downstairs to the bedroom so she could get herself and Charlie ready for the day. When she was about done, Castle lightly startled her when his arms sneaked around her middle from the behind. She had been too preoccupied pulling Charlie's t-shirt over his head.

"Sorry" he apologized into the crook of her neck, taking a long breath of her cherry scented skin.

"Choo-choo" Charlie babbled, holding his own little version of a locomotive into the air.

"Hey cheeky monkey!" Castle said, tickling his belly button lightly.

"Ma-ma, choo-choo"

Neither of the adults was really paying attention to the chatter box sitting in front of them.

"Sit down, baby. We still have to put on your sandals!" Beckett instructed and helped him sit down again after she had pulled on his shorts.

"Shoe, da-da" Charlie managed to fetch one of his sandals that Beckett currently wasn't busy putting on his foot and threw it at Castle. Taking this as an invitation, the tall man slid his arms from the woman he loved and strapped the sandal on the other foot.

"You're all set to go now!" Castle proclaimed.

When Beckett went to lift him up, Charlie fervently pushed her hand away, "No!" and shook his head before adding, "Da-da, ah!"

Castle instantly noted the pain ripping through her heart even though she tried to contain her feelings. It was one thing for Charlie to simply ask to be in his arms and another one of pushing his mother away. Before Charlie could topple off the changing table he quickly balanced the young toddler on his hip.

"Hey…" Castle called out softly to Beckett and caught her hand to intertwine their fingers.

"I'm sorry… this is a lot to take" Beckett somewhat croaked out, trying to control the tears welling in her eyes.

Reading the turmoil building up inside of her chest, Castle thus carefully leaned forward to steal a kiss from her lips, "I love you, Kate. And I love your little man here… He loves you, Kate…"

"I know… it's just…"

"I know…" was all he added and enveloped his free arm around her body, pulling her closer to him.

Beckett needed to learn to let go, let Castle take over certain situations. The hardest for her to do was obviously related to Charlie. He was the youngest and he had been relying on his mother for the past seventeen months. That was a long time. Mattie and Jamie were already quite independent children despite them still needing their mother. There was a time for cuddles and there was a time where they wanted to be left alone. Charlie was little by little growing from baby onto toddler. Not only was he becoming more independent, but now Beckett also had to share him with Castle. She was in love with Castle, and there was no one better but him to watch out for her sons. He loved her little baby – all of her three boys – with heart and soul, as if they were his own, and yet it was difficult to let go. It was going to take some time to adjust to the new family situation that was maturing all around her. Their one week vacation had provided her a nice insight on what life might be like with Castle on a daily basis and truthfully, she liked the idea.

"Thank you, Rick…"

Beckett was forever grateful for his constant support.

"Always, Kate… always..."

* * *

_tbc_

* * *

**PS. There will be no update tomorrow (Friday)**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Sorry my bad for not updating y'day. Was busy baking Christmas cookies and whatnot! With a 5 year old in tow. Anybody willing to clean the kitchen today? ;o)**

* * *

**Chapter 31**

One month later

"What's this?"

"Open it!" Castle said a tad bit too eagerly for Beckett's liking. She sighed, rolled her eyes but nonetheless proceeded to open the tiny box he had handed out to her. The entire Castle/Beckett family was gathered together in the Castle's family room and waiting for her. She couldn't help wonder whether nobody knew but Castle, or they were all in this together and she was the only one oblivious to what was really going on. She wasn't able to pinpoint which one it was as she let her gaze curiously swift from one person to another.

The inside of the box revealed a key, or what looked like a key card to her.

"What's this?" she asked again. Obviously it was a key, she got that part, but a key to what or for what?

"Ah, my dear, that's for me to know and for you to find out!" Castle grinned smugly.

"What is it for, mommy?" Both Jamie and Matt wanted to know while Beckett was having a hard time keeping Charlie in place, so she decided to set him back onto the ground.

"I don't know boys. As Rick said, I guess it's for us to find out, but he knows how much I hate surprises!" She finished off her sentence by shooting him dead with her stern glare. One look across the couch table and she knew that Martha and Alexis seemed to know what was going on. She was going to make Castle pay for this. Whatever it was, he was in for something.

"All right now, go get your coats and we're on our way to find out what this key is for, right big man?" Castle tousled Matt's hair lovingly.

"YES! Come on, mommy, hurry up! I wanna know what it's for!"

"Me too!" Jamie added. For once those two seemed to be on the same page and not fighting.

"Aren't you coming?" Beckett asked the other two women noticing them staying put.

"No, my dear, you two lovebirds just go ahead. We'll catch up with you later, right Alexis?"

The teenager grinned from ear to ear and nodded her head vigorously. Beckett was overly confused and reluctantly followed Castle's instructions. She really didn't like surprises. Besides her plan had been to get some painting done with her boys, not drive around the city. It took them an hour to reach their destination and they were still in Manhattan. There must have been a car crash or something. Snow was falling down heavily, people kept shoveling the sidewalks free, while the road shovels threw them onto the passage again. Every winter the same routine whenever winter was upon the city.

They eventually arrived and a doorman welcomed them politely. Shaking their coats free of the snow and drying the shoes at the entrance, Beckett ordered the boys to take off their hats too, proceeding the same for Charlie strapped in his stroller.

"You need to use the key and the keycard to access the elevator", Castle instructed her.

Once inside the elevator the same procedure needed to be repeated along with a pass code – security was very high in this building – before Castle ordered to press the button that read PH. Beckett was a smart person and had by now figured out where they were going, but why? She had no clue and Castle was having a lot of fun with that. She secretly wished she could smear that irresistible grin out of his face. She hated it, because she knew he was going to get his way, _again_. And that annoyed her to the very bottom of her heart.

The _ding_ of the elevator announced their arrival before the doors slid open. Castle almost had to push the Becketts out of the elevator.

"Take off your boots boys!" Beckett reminded them as so very often. They sat down onto the floor and got rid of their wet and dirty boots dropping them right next to the elevators. Castle helped them out of their coats and hung all of them onto the coat hanger on the opposite wall, separating them from what they actually came here to see.

As they rounded the corner Jamie and Matt were left in awe, "Oh, wow!" Eyes wide open was exactly the reaction he wanted to see on their faces. Gliding his hand into Beckett's he pulled her closer as her feet were no longer listening to her brain.

"So… what do you think?" Beckett was speechless. What was all of this supposed to mean? Why did they come here? She really didn't know what to think of all this luxury. Castle's loft was already an experience in itself, but this sure topped the whole.

Castle could read her like a book so with the best smile and puppy dog eyes he could muster he said, "It's ours… if you want to… we don't have to if you don't like… or… okay?" He nervously stumbled over his own words watching the shock and surprise on her face. It might have been a better idea to talk 'moving in together' before making such an important decision on his own. Hopefully this wasn't going to go in the pooper.

They stood right in the middle of a penthouse loft from what she could determine. The elevators lead to a dramatic open living room/dining room which was flooded with light and had an open fireplace. The large L-shaped room gave to an oversized, windowed eat-in kitchen which had beautiful finishes, top of the line appliances, and a large pantry.

"There's six bedrooms in total, two over here with en-suite bathroom which could be used by mother and Alexis and four additional bedrooms on the other side. So, what do you think?"

Castle wanted to know her opinion as they stood smack in the kitchen, but by the looks of it Beckett was still utterly confused to what was actually going on. She couldn't live in a place like this. This was too much… too fancy-shmancy. She didn't know what to think to be true.

"You don't like it…", Castle's facial expression changed within seconds. He had already everything planned out. It was perfect for them, especially since Martha and Alexis were able to get their own privacy, just as much as they would on the other side of the loft. There was even a fully equipped media room where they could all watch movies together.

"No… I mean… really? Isn't it too much? I mean… I don't know what to say…"

"Say yes!" Beckett rolled her eyes, "Okay…okay, you need some time. I can understand… We need to go fast though. They won't hold it for us for too long. I'm not pressuring you, I'm just saying, but it's perfect for us. Come on, you haven't seen the best yet!" She was pulled by her arm into the opposite side (behind the elevators). "Mother and Alexis have already seen it, and they totally agree with it. They love this place, so…this would be Alexis room with ensuite bathroom, and this one mother's, again, with ensuite bathroom."

"Where's our bedroom, Rick?" Matt wanted to know, pulling on the man's arm.

"You'll both have your own bedroom. Come on, I'll show you!"

With Charlie in his arms and Matt and Jamie following his every step, they disappeared leaving Beckett befuddled behind them. She could have followed them but her eyes were skimming every inch of this deluxe and new _home_. She heard the squeals of excitement of her sons in the far distance, both arguing who was going to get which room.

"_Charlie you take this one! I get this one!" _Jamie stated.

"_No, I get this one! You can take that one!" _Matt challenged in return.

In between their argument Beckett also noted soft bubbling noises of her youngest.

"_Mommy! Mommy!" _The stomping feet of her middle child were approaching her in a rushed stride. She hurriedly dried the few wet tears out of her face, hoping the mascara wouldn't betray her. Sitting at the foot of _Alexis _bed, Beckett was at the same eye level as her energetic four year old. "You have to come see my bedroom, mommy! It's huge!"

"Okay, sweetie" she forced a smile onto her face, but the sparkling green eyes of Jamie where enough to make her realize how happy her children were, and that on a daily basis. "I'll be right there with you. Just one more minute, okay?"

But Jamie didn't move an inch from his spot, waiting for his mother to tag along.

"Mommy? Are you sad?"

"No, baby… what makes you think so?"

"Because you look sad."

Beckett looked at her cute little boy who seemed genuinely concerned for his mother's well-being despite his tender age. She motioned him to step closer and welcomed him into a warm motherly hug.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too, mommy, but I'm not a baby no more. I'm four!" Jamie reminded her, holding four (well three and a half) fingers up to her.

A soft loving smile crept on her face. Looking up, she finally noted Castle standing in the door pane, leaning against the panel with the right side and balancing Charlie on his left hip. Their eyes locked and they both could feel the love warm up their bodies. Beckett wasn't sure how much he had ears dropped onto the conversation but she couldn't care less. It didn't matter.

"Jamie… would you give mommy and me a minute. Go check up with Mattie. I promise we'll be there soon, okay?" When the boy was out of the room, Castle walked across the room fetching Beckett's hands into his, "Hey, everything okay? Is this really too much for you?"

She got onto her feet to meet his face, wrapping her arms around his waist so she could rest her head against his chest. She could hear the beating of his heart even though Charlie was trotting around the room, squeezing his tiny nose against the large windows. They could both hear his feet jumping and dancing on the hardwood floor seconds later. When he let out a loud content squeals they let go of each other aware the toddler requested attention again.

"Come on, it's getting far to quiet in here", Castle intertwined their fingers as they went to investigate the remainder of the loft.

The private rooms in the back were quite as spacious as the rest of the loft. Never ever – not even in her craziest dreams – would Beckett have thought to live in a place like this. It all seemed like a dream and she couldn't quite comprehend how they could afford this place.

"I'm getting a very, very decent paycheck with this next book. It's a sealed deal, so yes, we can afford this, Kate. Money isn't an issue here. Okay? I've got a three book deal, remember? It pays _big-time_." Castle threw in eagerly high-pitching the last word. Sensing Beckett's discomfort, he added, "I thought we were clear on the money part, Kate?"

"I am. I mean… we are. It's just… this place is huge."

"I know! It's great, isn't it?"

Beckett nodded her head while her gaze drifted around the master bedroom and into the joined bathroom, "The partitioning of the space is indeed ideal. I especially like the separation from all the private rooms and the actual living area. The concept is rather ingenuous to say the least."

"The interior architect did a wonderful job, right? And wait, I've saved the best for the last."

"What? Where are we going?" Beckett interjected but Castle was no longer listening to her.

He hoisted Charlie up onto his shoulders, gathered Jamie and Matt close to them, before hurrying them up a rounding staircase which lead them onto the private roof deck providing an excellent skyline view across Manhattan.

While Beckett was again rendered speechless, Castle's imagination was running wild already, "Around the edge we can plant several small trees, plants or flowers providing us with some privacy. Here we can easily set up a little pool or a sandpit for Charlie. Central Park is a walking distance from here. We've got a playground right around the corner. No parking, no subway or bus ride needed, Kate! This loft is excellent!"

Little by little Beckett warmed up to the idea of actually (maybe) living here. Castle had some solid arguments. True, the park was practically around the corner and the boys wouldn't even have to switch schools since that was also a few subway stations away.

"Boy, you've really thought this through, haven't you?"

The joy and happiness she read in his eyes said everything she needed to know. This was the place where they could have a fresh new start as a new family. It scared her, but it also made her feel very happy. Things between them were constantly evolving, and moving in together was the next course of action.

"You don't need to give me a yes right away. Just tell me what you think of it. I'm sure I can talk the broker into keeping it available for us for an additional day or two…"

"I really like it, Rick. I guess, I'm just nervous about the whole prospect of actually moving in and being a family; with you, the boys, Alexis and Martha… it's just overwhelming… I'm worried about the boys, I mean…"

"They are ecstatic."

"I know, I can see that, but I really need to talk to them so they get the concept of what it means. Am I making sense at all? I mean they have been through so much already, Scott's and my break-up, their father's death, the move from the house to the flat, I just..."

"We'll talk to them… It's not like we're moving tomorrow, just in the very near future. We need the room, Kate."

Beckett was fully aware of that aspect. Her two bedroom apartment was already getting too small for them alone and in Castle's current loft they were running out of bedrooms and bathrooms. It simply was a natural way of moving forward in their relationship.

* * *

_tbc_


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Wishing all my reader a MERRY CHRISTMAS! 3 Lightly PG-13 but only at the end of the chapter  
**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

Boxes were piling up all around the narrow place that once used to be the Becketts' living room. Castle tossed his spare keys at the entrance and made his way through the confined space calling out for Beckett.

"Rick!"

Castle heard Matt exclaim excitedly and seconds later the boy had his arms tightly wrapped around the writer's waist.

"Well, I'm happy to see you too big man!" Castle spoke in a cheery voice tousling the young boy's hair. "Where's mommy?" Castle loved to refer to Beckett as such whenever he spoke to one of the boys.

"In my room. We're busy packing all of my toys, but mommy said we also need to get rid of some of the old ones." Matt informed him with a scrunched nose clearly disapproving with his mother's set goal while gazing up at the tall man,. "Do I really have to?" Matt pouted with a pulled lip, which brought a smile to Castle's face. Even though Matt used to be the tough boy of all three of them, he still was a little boy deep inside.

"Didn't mommy say that you wanted to give some of those toys to the kids who don't have any, huh?" Castle tried to encourage him.

"Yeah, but they're my toys!" Matt continued to sulk as they trotted to the back of the flat.

"James Tyler Beckett Cullen! You're not supposed to unpack those boxes! How many times will I have to repeat this?" Beckett scolded her four year old as she fetched his little hands out of the box and pushed him out of the room with a groan. Jamie cried out loud in protest and disappeared into the living room.

"I told you, you should get movers to do this, but are you listening to me? No!" Castle challenged her with a smug smile smeared across his face. Beckett was kneeling on the floor with about five different half packed boxes surrounding her.

"Haha! Very funny, Castle!" Beckett said purposefully using his family name.

"Oh…" Castle gazed down at Matt, "Somebody's grumpy!"

Matt just nodded his head too and let out a soft chuckle. He was more on alert than his younger brothers when it came to the two adults every so often bantering and bickering. He also understood the meaning behind his mother's words. Every time she was really upset she would reprimand them by using their full names.

"I'm not grumpy!" Beckett barked.

"Of course not…" Castle just couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Just sh…" she stopped mid-sentence remembering her sons around them. "Stop it!"

"I didn't say anything!" Castle defended with high pitched voice holding his hands up faking innocence.

If her eyes could kill, he would be a dead body now, "You, and your great ideas of moving in together" Beckett air quoted before turning her back on him and continuing to fill up the miscellaneous boxes scattered around the room. One could barely set a foot in front of the other as she tried to sort out old, used, not so used and new items. Whether they were clothes or toys, each went to a respective labeled box. Her rambling went on non-stop, as Castle followed her rather bemused. He adored her when she got upset.

"Are you still playing with this, Mattie?" The boy shook his head in the negative, "Then go put this in the red box in the living room. I can still use this in my classroom. Please?" she insisted when he ignored her. "Thank you!"

Five minutes went by but Mattie didn't return, so Beckett called out for him. She wasn't going to do this all by her own. Receiving no answer, Castle gazed around the corner. Jamie was sulking with his head stuck under one of the couch cushions, while Matt sat alone farther away at the kitchen table, with tears streaming down his face and his gaze some place else, far away from here.

"Kate?"

"What?"

"I think you should go talk to your son." At her inquisitive expression, he continued, "He's sitting in the kitchen with tear streamed face. I would go, but by the looks of it…"

She got up, grabbed Castle's hand on her way out and stormed to the kitchen with him in tow.

"Mattie, sweetheart? What's going on?"

"Nothing!"

Castle didn't miss his mother's stubbornness was seeping through him. He would have laughed if the situation were different. Resting his arm on the table Matt bend his head over to hide his face away from the world. Beckett and Castle sat down either side of him, before inching themselves closer up to the crying child.

"Please, Mattie. Talk to me!" Beckett longed to lift her son up into her lap, cradle him tight up against her chest, but Matt was no longer a small child, and wasn't all too crazy about hugs anymore. He though occasionally would sneak into her bed for a snuggle hug. She thus comforted him as good as she could at this point rubbing her hand up and down his back, and hoping he was going to open up on her. She heard him cry and sob, and it broke her heart. When she locked eyes with Castle she saw the same reflection. "Mattie?"

"I don't wanna move no more! I wanna stay here! I like it here! I don't wanna move again!" Beckett somehow managed to make out from his muffled sobs.

Castle unconsciously went for Beckett's right hand that was resting on the table and intertwined her fingers in sign of support. He was there for her, but this was a problem she needed to fix with him. If he was required, he would be there.

"I thought you wanted to move, Mattie. You were all excited before. Why don't you wanna move anymore? I know and I understand it's a lot for you Mattie, but…"

"I don't want you and Rick fighting!"

Beckett and Castle gazed at each other acknowledging their faux-pas. Things were finally coming together in Beckett's head. Without realizing it, she had scared her little boy.

"Mattie, please come here" She practically begged him while he obeyed sitting in her lap and hiding his head into the crook of her neck. "We…we weren't fighting, sweetheart. I'm so sorry, I was just upset and my voice might have gotten a little bit louder, but Rick and I weren't fighting."

"No we weren't, Matt" Castle decided to chime in as the boy briefly gazed up at him. His heart was instantly shattered into millions of pieces with that simple look. "I promise we weren't, Matt."

"Did you get scared because daddy and I used to fight a lot?"

He cried and sobbed all over again while nodding his head, "I don't want that."

"Mommy, why's Mattie crying?" Jamie was anxiously standing next to his mother.

"It's okay Jamie. Just a little misunderstanding, all right?" Beckett said out loud, repeating those words a couple of times to herself. It was indeed a misunderstanding. "I was getting a little bit too loud and I shouldn't have, so Mattie got scared. He thought that Rick and I were fighting."

Jamie's eyes went across the room onto Castle. He trotted over to the writer and as if on cue, the later lifted him up into his arms.

"I wanna move in with you, Rick!" Jamie thus proclaimed with a smile.

Flattered, Castle inquired, "Really? Well that's very nice of you."

"You wanna know why?" At Castle's nod, Jamie continued in his most innocent way, "'cause I got my own room there. And it's really really big, and 'cause there's a pool and a big TV screen, and 'cause you're going to be our new daddy now! Right, mommy?"

"Oh, I am most certainly glad that you not only want to move in with me because of all the amenities."

"What?" Jamie scrunched his nose.

On her side, Beckett couldn't contain the soft laughter that was edging at her lips from her son's cuteness. Bringing her attention back onto the eldest she combed her fingers through his brown tresses, kissed the top of his head before locking eyes with him and asking whether everything was all right again. He faintly nodded his head while drying some of the wet tears out of his face with the back of his hands.

"Okay then. Come on, we still have quite some things to pack and I want your room to be done by tonight."

They all strode back to the boys' room where Castle lent them a hand filling up the boxes. Two hours later they were exhausted but everything that once used to be on shelves and in the closet was now packed to be moved away, either to the recycling or to their new home.

"What are you going to do with the bunk bed?" Castle casually wanted to know.

"Samantha from work is going to pick that one up tomorrow. She is really happy to have it. She needs it for the girls."

Castle flashed her a warm smile. Having met the young woman and her twin girls, he knew the friendship between the two women to be a strong one and the bunk bed was coming in handy now that the girls were switching from their baby bed to a big bed.

Later that evening (first night in the new loft)

"I can't sleep, mommy."

Jamie pouted shyly standing in the middle of the living room clad in his pajama. Two hours… it's been two hours already and he still wasn't asleep. Beckett sighed. Jamie kept crawling out of his bed and Beckett was glad that they had chosen a weekend to finalize the moving. Castle lifted him up into his arms and set him onto the kitchen counter.

"Oh no, young man, back to bed asap!" Beckett reprimanded him before lifting him up into her arms and carrying his rather limp body back to his room.

A loud cry followed, "No, I don't wanna! I'm scared!" Sobs racked his body as he hung onto his mother.

"Baby, you gotta sleep. It's late, all right?" Obviously Jamie would hear none of it, "Please stop screaming Jamie, you're going to wake Mattie and Charlie. I'm staying here with you, until you're asleep, okay? There's nothing to be scared."

Thirty very long minutes later, Jamie had eventually sobbed himself to sleep.

Castle's smile warmed up her face when she emerged from the boy's bedroom. Alexis, who had had a conversation with her father while reading a book on the sofa, wished them goodbye and made a beeline for her bedroom, aware the two adults could need some privacy to talk.

"Better?"

"Yeah… It's his first night alone in a room, Rick. For all three of them", Beckett sighed, slumping her tired body next to his. Castle's arm wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her close so she was leaning with her side against his. She felt his lips brush against her temple before he grabbed her fingers. Today was the first night in the new loft, at least for the Becketts. Castle had moved in one week prior already. "You know, they've always been with me. I mean…"

"I know, Kate" his breath tickled against her skin as he whispered those words.

"I've never let them out of my sight until they were at least one year old. Jamie moved from my room to his brother's, and well, you know Charlie's been…"

Beckett was staring off into the distance. Even though she was sitting right by Castle's side, she was always with her children.

"I know, but they're all right next door Kate. It's only a wall separating you." Castle was aware that a wall was already too big of a distance for her. It would take some time getting used to it all. "You're such a devoted mother, Kate, and I love you even more because of that. It's amazing the bond you have with these boys. Sometimes it makes me feel jealous" He let his words rest for a while before he continued, "Because I know your sons will always come first, but I also know that I have the same feelings when it comes to Alexis. She means the world to me… I wouldn't be who I am now if she didn't exist. Children always come first, but that doesn't mean that the feeling of jealousy isn't there… What I'm trying to say and what I want you to know is, that those three remarkable boys you got there, I mean, if ever something were to happen – knock on wood – I'd pick their lives over mine… I love them, Kate."

"I know that" Beckett stated, gazing at their joined hands before meeting his eyes. She took the initiative and leaned in to kiss his lips softly. Soon they found themselves enthralled into their embrace and were heavily making out on the couch.

"Hmmm, Kate…" Castle hummed trying to slow down her wandering fingers. She was already straddling him as it was. "Not that I'm complaining, but…" Her face went beat red as realization sank in. She hadn't acted on impulse in a long time. She felt ashamed and selfish, as thoughts of her son appearing again in the hallway flashed through her brain. This had been so very wrong. "It's not wrong, Kate. Hey…" Castle captured her lips for a brief reassuring kiss. He understood her so well and knew what was going on in her mind. "We should take this to the bedroom" he spoke openly, running his thumb across her swollen lips, foreheads resting against one another and noses touching. Her cheeks turned all crimson again and he loved it as she nervously bit down on her lower lip. "I wanna make love you, Kate. Now."

They somehow retreated to the master bedroom after making sure that all the lights were turned off as the door drifted shut behind them for privacy.

During the night

"Mommy… mommy… mommy"

The faint voice of her son eventually reached her ears and woke her up from her dream.

"I want mommy" he pleaded again.

The spot beside her in bed was empty, bringing her to the conclusion that Castle had already left to check up on her son. In her semi-sleep state she heard his voice filter through the hallways but couldn't distinguish what he was actually saying.

"I want my mommy" her son insisted.

She sighed, threw her legs over the edge of the bed and walked across the opposite room of the master bedroom rubbing her eyes, where she found her middle child nestled up in Castle's arms. Jamie was exhausted but still mastered some sobs in between his soft complaints.

"Baby, what's going on?"

"Mommy" Jamie moaned reaching out for her. She lifted him up into her arms. Instantly his arms and legs wrapped tightly around her neck and waist, clinging onto her for dear life. Her hand caressed his back to soothe his crying. She tried to find out what was wrong, but the boy remained silent. He wouldn't let go of her either every time she tried to lay him down into his new bed.

"No, mommy, no!" His begging was excruciating.

She met Castle's eyes, who understood, "Let's take him with us."

It was four A.M. and she was in no mood to insist. It was his first night in the new bedroom, new surrounding, new everything. That's all it was, Beckett tried to reason and carried him without another word to the master bedroom. She was used to having the children creep in beside her if they were having a restless sleep or because of an earth shattering thunderstorm. Now though, she was with Castle so the boys couldn't just sneak in every time they wanted to or longed to.

With Jamie's tight grip it was hard climbing into bed with him.

"Mommy?" Jamie enquired his eyes already closed due to his mother's gentle rocking.

"I'm here, Jamie." Beckett whispered against his nose, kissing it lightly before tucking 'Bob the Builder' between them. It was his additional comforter; like a teddy bear.

She watched his chest rise and fall regularly minutes later, letting her know he was deep into slumber again. Behind Jamie, Castle had observed every single movement on the mother/son duo. She flashed him a thankful smile before adding a verbal thank you, which Castle rejected, proclaiming they were in this together now. She needn't thank him every single time he would jump in for her.

"But I feel like I have to, Rick." she spoke openly.

"I know, but you don't have to, okay?" He cautiously leaned in where he met her lips.

"Are you all right with Jamie sleeping here?"

"I invited him over, didn't I?" He told her with a look that shushed her down. "Back to sleep now"

With those words he had flicked off the light on the night table sending the room into darkness. Beckett felt him shuffling on the other side. In the dim it room from the moon light, she saw as Castle dropped a kiss onto her son's head. His hand met hers resting on the boy's stomach. While sleep quickly washed over her, Castle found himself lost in his thoughts.

* * *

_tbc_


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

Three months later

"Are you all right?" Castle wondered, wiping the sleepiness off his eyes as he entered the bathroom that morning. For the past couple of days he noticed Beckett feeling tired and sick on and off.

"Not so much. Would you mind taking the boys to school and daycare? I'm gonna call in sick today." Castle felt with her and took a quick shower in order to get himself ready for the day.

When he walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later, Beckett was already busy preparing breakfast for the entire family. Only in the daylight did he realize the pale skin on her face. She was indeed sick and by the looks of it probably also running a fever.

"You look like crap" Castle whispered into her ear so the boys didn't hear. Besides Jamie and Matt were way too preoccupied making funny faces at each other across the table, much to Charlie's delight who kept squealing on end laughing at his brothers' silliness. Beckett flashed him a grin that hushed him down. "All right boys, are you ready?"

They bounced off their chairs, strode across the loft to the elevator where they dressed into their coats and shoes, while Castle got Charlie ready.

"Your lunch boxes!" Beckett called. They returned, hugged and kissed their mother and made again a run to the elevator. The first arriving was the winner after all.

"I'll be back right away, okay? Do you want me to drop by a pharmacy to get you anything?"

Beckett shook her head in the negative. "No, thanks. I got everything I need. I'm gonna get myself some hot tea and lay down for a while."

He kissed the top of her head and then seconds later, silence invaded the vast space. Alexis had long since left for school and Martha was… she didn't know. Was she still in the house? She mentally shrugged not really bothering about it. As she passed by the hallway to her left, she couldn't make out whether she heard some noise or not. It was fairly quiet, bringing her to the conclusion that she was more likely alone. She went back to the master bedroom and walked straight into the bathroom. She sighed at the view of the wet towel hazardless discarded into a pile on the floor. She bent down to pick it up and hang it over the shower glass door to dry.

When her eyes met with her reflection, she was shocked at what she saw. She was white as a sheet. She felt her stomach churn and reached for the toilet where she emptied whatever was left in her stomach. She splashed her face with water and brushed her teeth gazing at the fragile human being in front of her. All the while was she trying to reason herself, but she knew the signs all too well, and it simply had to be a mistake. She was sick and that's all there was too it. Her conscience didn't give her a break while she fought for some sleep. Deciding against the odds she walked back into the bathroom to pee on that damn stick. Seconds turned into minutes and they felt like hours to her. She couldn't and didn't want to look at it.

In the far distance she heard the key in the lock, followed by the opening and closing of the door. Castle was back. She sighed, hiding her face into both of her hands. He called out for her but she didn't answer. He didn't give it a second shot, thinking she had gone back to sleep, until he stood in the door frame.

"Oh… I thought you were going back to sleep?"

"I was, but…" she said, leaving the sentence unfinished.

He handed her a note sheet, "Mrs. Parker gave me this. Matt will be going on a field trip with his classroom next week, and… wha-what's going on…?" Castle stuttered noticing Beckett blank stare. "You better go lay down again, Kate… I… What?"

She stopped him and instead of an answer directed his eyes onto the stick resting atop the counter. She didn't know the result yet but it was killing her. It was eating her inside out. What if she was pregnant? She already had three boys… and now Alexis. Did she want another child? Did Castle want another child? Three was already a lot. Another one would make it four. She couldn't do this to him, now could she? During his absence and while in the bathroom she had realized that they had actually never talked about another child. How come they hadn't? Why had it never occurred? Probably because subconsciously becoming a patchwork family would be enough, which it was… except…

"Kate?" his voice was hesitant. She could hear the tone of it.

The stick was lying there in a reasonable distance from both of them, untouched.

"I don't know. I couldn't… I didn't… Oh my God, Rick! What if…"

Seeing her so upset he took one step forward and wrapped his arms around her.

"Maybe it's just a bug…" he reasoned into her cherry scented hair.

"All the signs are there, Rick. I know them… I…" Beckett moved out of his embrace, shaking her head in utter disbelieve. They had been careful, so to speak. How could this have happened? It had to be a mistake. She must be reading the signs wrong.

Castle finally reached out for the stick as he could no longer contain it. They would have to deal with whatever situation presented itself to them. He looked at it before showing it to Beckett. Their eyes locked as his blue eyes were glistening down into hers.

"What are we gonna do?"

"Well, I guess we're going to have a baby then…"

Frustration was written across her face, "But we never even talked about this, Rick! Another baby?!"

"Yes, another baby, Kate. Our baby!" he clarified.

"What if I don't want another baby?" The smile that had grown on his face washed away, and as soon as she saw that guilt washed over her, but she couldn't ignore this. She had never planned a third baby, even less a fourth.

"Kate…"

"I can't have another baby, Rick. We never talked about it and we both know why. Subconsciously we presumed that our families merging together was enough. I came in a whole package, Rick… We've tumbled your entire world upside down! Yours and Alexis' and Martha's… We can't… we…"

She was clearly upset but something else was in her eyes and Castle depicted what it was. She was merely trying to reason all of it. Whatever she was saying was true… but the entire Castle/Rodger family welcomed the whole package. Even if Castle hadn't really given them a choice, but they had fully accepted the Becketts into their lives. Martha was still fighting to get along with the idea, but she was going to come around, hopefully, some day…

"Kate… Kate…" He said softly trying to get her attention but she kept on pushing him away. The pushes weren't strong though. It's like her heart was telling her one thing and her body something else. The body was clearly losing to the heart. "Hey… Shhh… it's okay… it's going to be okay" he managed to catch her right on time before her knees buckled beneath her and carried her limp body into the bedroom where he could lay her down.

He wasn't quite sure for how long she had passed out. Maybe five minutes? Relief washed over him when her eyes fluttered open again.

"Kate?" His voice betrayed him though. She had just lost consciousness for five minutes but that had already been enough to drive him crazy. A wet glove was plastered to her forehead absorbing the few droplets of sweat that had formed there. "Are you all right?"

Albeit a bit groggy, she replied unsure of herself, "Yeah, I think… I'm cold and my head's dizzy."

"You flat smack fainted right in front of me. Let me take you to the doctor."

"No! I'm okay" she ordered while he pulled the bed sheet over her trembling body. "I mean, I will be… it's just… the hormones" she said before she looked up into his eyes. She caught his hands, "I promise, it's nothing… at least nothing a rest won't fix."

"Promise?" She nodded. "You scared the hell out of me. Don't do that again!" Instead of a reply she beamed and squeezed his hands. "All right… try to get some sleep then okay? I'll be in the study if you need me."

With a kiss to her forehead he was gone and Beckett drifted off to sleep for a couple of hours.

* * *

For the next week Castle couldn't help but wonder why Beckett seemed to remain in her shell all day long. It was like a wall she had built all around her. She barely talked or ate. She merely got out of bed to get the boys ready for school and daycare. Before he knew it she was back in the master bedroom again without saying another word only to emerge hours later once the boys were back and to prepare dinner. As soon as the boys had hit the pillow she did too. She was avoiding him. She was trying to avoid the inevitable. Castle had tried to get Beckett to talk to him, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't let him in and the more he pushed her, the more he noted her being absent. His mother was shaking her head, Alexis also tried to get the woman to talk to her but nothing would do. Beckett was only talking to her kids.

Until one morning where she dead panned him with, "I'm going to the doctor's. I made an appointment for ten A.M."

Castle was busy stowing the cutlery into the dishwasher from breakfast, "I'll come with you!"

"No!"

"What do you mean, no? It's my baby too, Kate!"

"I'm not going to have this baby, Rick! I took my decision and made an appointment." Her voice was cold and her look even more. Castle wanted somebody to pinch him in order to wake him up from this nightmare.

"Kate!" he called after her but it was too late. She had already left.

Should go after her or not? He probably should! But what would happen next? She had already made her decision and what Castle had feared the past week had just become reality. This whole thing was a huge mess and a nightmare.

* * *

_tbc_


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

**A/N: Okay I took that scene from ALWAYS, because I love it and had to incorporate it here!**

36 hours later

The door bell buzzed. A dripping wet Kate Beckett stood in front of him, her face smeared with mascara from the pouring rain outside, but also from the tears rolling down her face. He was still mad at her even though all he longed to do was to pull her into his arms. It took him a lot of self control not to do that.

"What do you want, Kate?"

She could see he was mad with her and he had every reason to. She had been overreacting.

"You" was all she said before she rushed up to him and kissed him fully. She apologized several times with their foreheads resting against each other and breathing the same air. When she kissed him one more time he grabbed her hands and pulled himself away from her. He needed to know the reason of her change of heart. Instinctively he knew she hadn't gone through with the procedure.

"What happened?"

"I went there and all I could think about was you and our baby. I guess I got scared. I overreacted. I shouldn't have. I realized I made the biggest mistake in my life. I'm so in love with you that it scares me to love you even more. I want that baby… and I want you, more than anything else in my life, Rick."

Tears kept streaming down her face freely. She didn't care about her ruined make up any longer. It didn't matter. Nothing really mattered except Castle. The feelings she felt for him were so strong that it gave her goose bumps just thinking of him. Her delicate fingers grazed softly over the lip she wanted to kiss so badly. What she saw next in his eyes was pure desire as he had her pushed up against the wall and wrapped her into an everlasting kiss, drinking all of her. Their mouths were exploring each other, devouring every inch of the other person's throat and face. Neither knew where to start first but they both needed each other.

Castle stopped abruptly when the realization finally kicked in that she was still carrying the baby they had conceived under her heart. She was pregnant and they were going to have a baby. He opened up her trench coat. Beneath, even her shirt was soaked through to the bone from the down pour and sticking to her body. He rested his hand flat across her midsection, his eyes gazing down at her with mesmerized. A tiny smile formed at the corner of her lips as she put her right hand over his that was protectively lying over the child. His emotions were running on overdrive. He loved her so much and not even their fight made him mad enough at her. He was so in love with her that it hurt. Never ever in his life had he loved a woman as much as he loved her.

"Kate", Castle breathed brushing his nose against hers, blindly leaning in for a subtle peck. "I love you. I love you", he repeated like a mantra over and over again between nibbles.

He could never get enough of her, that's how intoxicating she was to him. He needed her like the air to breathe and the water to drink. Without her he was nothing. His life was empty without her. He kissed her abundantly, before pushing her down the hallway and into their bedroom. Their clothing was mutually discarded on the floor and half an hour later they were a tangle of limbs fighting for oxygen. Castle's lips though wouldn't leave her warm skin as he trailed kisses down the valley of her breasts until he had reached her navel. Placing feather light kisses onto the taunt skin. Beckett's hands wound their way through his hair.

"Hello baby" Castle spoke softly aware that the embryo was still so tiny deep inside her that it didn't really matter to it, but it mattered to him. He gazed up to meet those sparkling green eyes he adored so much. "Thank you… for not…" He stumbled across his words, unable to finish what he actually wanted to say because it pained him too much. The idea of Beckett wanting to abort their baby was still haunting him. A single tear slowly made its way down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Rick… I just…"

The fact that it pained her just as much to have hurt him was too much for him. The news were big after all. It takes some time getting used to the idea. Castle never thought of having another child. With Alexis in high school now and him getting older, it was like his life was destined to one child. But then Kate Beckett tumbled into his life with three amazing boys in tow, and god, did he love those boys; as if they were his own. They were one crazy patchwork family, so why not add another one to the pack?

"I was sitting there, Rick and really, all I could think about was you, the pain I had caused and the baby that was there, growing inside me. How much I love you and what that baby represents. The very next second I hated myself for not wanting that baby. It's our baby… how could I not want it? I felt terrible… I still do and I'm so sorry… Please forgive me…"

She was crying. Castle rolled onto his side so they were face to face eventually.

"I think I just did that…" he replied smugly, she yet rewarded him with a soft smile that she couldn't withhold.

"I'm serious!"

"I know… me too. I understand you got scared or worried or… I don't know, but it would have been better to talk to me and to not run away. You scared your boys there. I'm not going to hide that from you. You left for two days, Kate… two days without calling. Without telling us where you were. I don't care about me, I'm a big man, I can handle myself, but Mattie, Jamie and Charlie. Please don't do that ever again to them. It was the hardest I ever had to do in my life, reassuring them, trying to not lose it, remaining strong for them and to not let it through even though all I wanted to do was just to scream from the top of my lungs. The pain in their eyes, Kate. Matt is almost seven years old, Kate. He knows better than his brothers. I am not trying to hurt you, but just laying out facts." Castle stopped, fetching her hands and silently gazing at the tears spilling down her face and onto the pillow case. "You can talk to me. We're in this together, as a family. I'm not…. Scott."

Minutes ticked by without either outing a single word. It was late at night and they were both sort of dozing away. Every now and then one of them fought sleepiness with their eyes.

"Rick?" her soft voice filtered through the room.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you!"

He slowly opened his eyes and starred at her for a while, before he flashed her a soft smile, "Always"

Another silence followed. Castle fell asleep but Beckett remained awake. She was beyond tired but sleep simply wouldn't befall her. An hour later she got out of bed again, walked across the hallway and into Jamie's bedroom. His slightly elevated bed gave her a good leverage as she tucked Bob the Builder back under her son's arm, and making sure the bed sheets would keep him warm for the remainder of the night. Next she went into Charlie's bedroom to find him asleep on the rug at the foot of his bed. Little man had escaped once again, she thought to herself with a grin and lifted him back up into his baby bed. In the hallway Beckett was lightly startled by Castle standing right in the middle of it.

"What are you doing?" he wondered, "Eh, never mind." he instantly shook it off remembering far well what she was actually doing.

He leaned against the door frame while he watched her trot into Matt's bedroom. She settled his dangling leg back under the covers before running her hand smoothly across his face and through his hair. He was probably sweating again because the next moment Beckett removed the duvet and replaced it with a simple sheet.

"Mommy?" the boy had woken in his sleep.

"Yes Mattie" she whispered back.

"You're back… where did you go? I missed you!" he mumbled in semi-sleep. Despite his comatose state he managed to wrap his arms around his mother's neck and pulled her in for a big kiss.

"Everything's okay now, Mattie, I promise. It won't happen again. I love you, baby."

A grin grew on Castle's face. Usually Matt would vehemently object to his mother's words, but the boy didn't register any of that information right now.

"Love you too, mommy"

Beckett kissed her son's head, got onto her feet and met Castle outside the room.

"You all settled again?" he challenged her with a mock.

She didn't want to boost his banter so she didn't comment on it and instead wrapped her arms to the small of his back with her head landing against his torso where she heard his heart beating.

"Thank you for taking care of my sons, Rick. I owe you so much. I think I will never be able to make up for it."

"Oh, but you will have to… and you will… right about now, you're already doing it" At her quizzical expression he explained, "By having our baby, Kate. I can see and I know how much it hurt you to know what you've done. I mean… you made the right decision. I can't wait to have that baby with you."

"It still scares me a little though… first three, then four and now another one,… it's fast, it's…"

"Hey, I've had one child for the past sixteen years. I've got four now and another one on the way. You know who should be the one freaking out? I have to say that I find myself extremely relaxed considering the rollercoaster you pulled me through." She gave him the death look, "I'm kidding… I'm just… you know…. really really looking forward to that baby."

"Me too actually…"

"Really?" Castle's giddiness was written all across his face, and Beckett couldn't help teasing him just the slightest little bit just to get back at him.

"Meh…"

"What?"

"I finally sort of got back to my pre-pregnancy/baby body. Do you know how hard it is to get back in shape for us women?" Beckett walked past him, purposefully swaying her hips left and right before she rounded the corner, but Castle was right on her toes.

* * *

**A/N: I know you're all mad at Beckett for what she did. Trust me I was too! I hope I got her POV through to you (being scared, worried about a loving future with Castle, etc) and then Castle's POV (he knew she was scared and deep down inside knew the mother in her would never get rid of that baby)**

* * *

****_tbc_


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: I'd like to write a few lines to thank everyone that has reviewed so far! Especially on the last two update. Let me also say this: yes, Beckett was easily forgiven. I just didn't know how to handle the situation :o( I hope I am at least forgiven (for now) and that you will still enjoy the rest of the story! **

**Also we'll be moving a bit faster now... so you are warned!**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

"So, do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

"YES!"

Castle and Beckett exclaimed in unison a tad bit over excitedly so that the ob-gyn had to smile at the cute couple in front of her. She rolled the device across Beckett's middle mid-section to see whether she would be able to detect the gender of the baby, but also to check up on the development of the fetus.

"Well… it looks like you're having a girl. See here…She's moving around…" she added, pointing to where the baby's genitals were on the screen, "Or I should say that I am pretty sure it's a girl. So congratulations."

"A girl!" Beckett was overly thrilled with those news. She loved her three boys to the moon and back, she really did, but a girl… She wasn't really sure what she had expected to hear. A boy? Well… she would be happy too. A girl was just… it seemed so surreal.

"That's amazing! God, I love you so much! We're having a baby girl…" Castle said just as ecstatic at the news.

The ob-gyn felt it wise to leave the couple alone for a couple of minutes, excusing herself out the room to get the print of the baby's picture.

Tears were streaming down Beckett's face as she couldn't quite believe it. Her hormones were working in full swing. She didn't know what to say or what to do as she let them freely roll down her cheeks instead. Castle took her face in both of his hands and pulled her in for long sweet kiss.

"You probably wanted it to be a boy…" Beckett sighed when they parted a bit heart broken. "You already have a daughter!"

"So? I'm having another one. I already have three amazing boys, Kate! You know how much I love them and how much they mean to me. They might not be my blood and flesh, but I love them… all three of them, and now… they are going to have a little sister to look out for. Boy, she's going to be spoiled rotten!"

A smile tentatively appeared on her face at the vision of her three sons – and Castle – getting all protective.

"I'm afraid she will be, right! You'll spoil her! She will have you wrapped around your finger in a matter of no time"

"She already does now, Kate. A mini-Kate Beckett! She will have to face three fierce brothers. She will learn fast how to keep up with them if they mess with her. Trust me, if she got your temper, that won't be an issue for her."

"Hey! What if she's all girly-girl?"

"Then I guess I'll have to attend tea parties and play with her dolls and bears instead of chasing after her trying to kick her brothers' asses."

"Oh my God! What if she turns out like you? I don't think I can handle two Castles at once!"

"Hey! I'm offended. Alexis turned out just fine, now didn't she? You always said I did a good job raising her. I admit we have our flaws, but…"

Beckett didn't give him any chance to finish his sentence as her lips were kissing him sensually. Once they needed air they parted and rested their foreheads against one another.

"We're going to have a baby girl" Beckett repeated, "Thank you!"

"I should be the one thanking you. You're going to be doing all the work. I merely added my little contribution to it, and that was the very easy and very pleasant part of it. I promise I will be there all the way, not because I have to, but because I want it. I don't want to miss out on anything."

* * *

This was going to be it. They had to break the news to the children. Well, they already knew that Beckett was expecting and that they soon would either have a baby brother or a baby sister to play with. They sat in a row on the U-shaped couch wondering what was going on. They all had behaved nicely this afternoon while Martha – or grammy – had watched after them.

Castle and Beckett had mutually agreed that she would be the one breaking in the news. Charlie had crawled his way across the couch longing to be with his mother as so very often. Beckett lifted him up into her lap and started in a low voice.

"Remember how we told you we were going to see the doctor today to see whether everything was all right with the baby?"

Jamie and Matt both shook their heads. Charlie instead babbled a sweet "Baby" pointing with cute little baby finger to his mother's belly.

"Yes, there's a baby in there, Charlie. Now, everything is all right with the baby, but the doctor was also able to see if the baby is a boy or a girl." She watched as her sons absorbed that information. "And, it's going to be a baby girl!"

"Yes!" Alexis exclaimed excitedly hugging and congratulating her parents for the new addition to their already big family. "I have to go call Ashley! This is sooooo exciting! I'm going to have a little sister!" And then she was up the stairwell already.

"A baby sister?" Matt groaned in semi-defeat. Beckett wasn't quite sure whether he wasn't thrilled about the fact of having another baby or because the baby was going to be a girl. After all Matt had been excited when he learned about Charlie being a new baby brother. This round didn't work out as well.

"Yes, Mattie. Aren't you happy?"

"I'm happy!" Jamie chimed in. On another side note he added, "I'm okay if she's not taking my cars like Charlie does! Girls don't play with cars, right mommy? They play with dolls!"

"A girl may play with cars, Jamie. But first when she's going to be born, she will be very small, like Charlie used to be. She won't take your cars then… maybe later if she wants to!"

"But she won't. I will tell her not to 'cause they're _my_ cars!" Jamie called out outraged.

It was utterly cute that Beckett and Castle were having a hard time not to laugh out loud at him. Jamie tended to be overly protective of his car collection. Neither Matt not Charlie were allowed to touch them. It hadn't been all too much of a problem to Beckett with Matt since his interest lay somewhere else, Charlie was a whole different story. He loved Jamie's cars to a point she spent more time separating the two younger ones from a fight than the older ones. It used to be the other way around when Charlie was still a baby. They used to argue more often on who goes first to the bathroom, who gets to sit on her lap, etc. It still occurred to them to fight occasionally at home, but once outside the house the younger ones gained the overhand.

* * *

"So? Happy?" Castle pondered out aloud once they had brought all the children to bed, watched half of a movie and were now getting ready for bed in the bathroom.

Beckett smiled up at him, aware what he was referring to, "Very" before a cloud casted above her head.

He closed the gap between them and casually leaned up against the counter, "Talk to me." he merely challenged her. He knew she was going to open up to him. He just needed to be a little bit patient, aware how much Beckett liked to straighten her thoughts first, as well as her words, before explaining herself.

A couple of minutes ticked by until she spoke.

"I am really excited having this baby, Rick."

"I know…"

"You said I should talk to you, so let me talk to you!" Beckett made herself clear. Castle gave her a brief apology and waited again for her to go on, "I really do, Rick. I still cannot believe that at first I couldn't fathom the idea of another child adding to our brood. I love being a mother, I really do… I think there is no better job out there than being a mother. I have been blessed with three amazing boys and, God, do I love them. They came out so tiny and fragile, and look at them now. Matt is all grown, Jamie's a big boy and Charlie's transitioning to this cute and joyful little man.

Mattie was a child we wanted to have. Jamie too. Charlie was an _accident,_ but still back then, when I knew I was expecting my third child, I was happy. Right away. I couldn't wait for that new baby. I don't know why I am so over the moon with him. Maybe because I unconsciously knew he was going to be the last one, so I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. Maybe it had to do with searching comfort during those lonely nights. Comfort I wasn't willing to let go for a long while. Finding the strength to let everything behind me a year ago was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But I was willing to give it a try. I had to. If not more me, then at least for my children.

How many times had I been told that I was worth nothing. Whether at school or at home… Until _he_ came and made everything turn out for the better, giving me strength, hope and teaching me that life was worth living. Until, well you know… It made me question _everything_. Have I really been so foolish? Was I that naïve? I know the looks people were giving me and I noticed the whispers ceasing every time I entered a room. I guess I have been both a little bit. I was willing to believe that he still loved me and I was willing to believe that he was going to change. But what good came out of this? Nothing, except for the three most amazing babies I could have ever wished for.

I hate to think it, but sometimes I wish they were yours, and in some way they are. You are a father to them. Theirs never really cared much about them. Within weeks you had spent more quality time than their really father ever had. It's not fair. It really isn't, because I know how much Mattie and Jamie tried to make their father love them. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to see the father of your children push them away? I guess people were right. I was foolish and ignorant. I wish I could give them those years back, but I can't.

Sometimes I wish I were a little bit more like you. But then I think that what actually holds the two of us together is your constant pillar right by my side. If we were to have the same personalities we would probably driving each other crazy. Our differences is what sticks us together.

What I'm still trying to grasp is, why didn't I want _our_ baby? You tumbled your way into my life, _our_ lives out of nowhere. You have this incredible zest for life. You take every day the way it comes to you, without questions asked. Your love and devotion for my boys is what made me fall in love with you.

I love you, Rick. I love you so much, and that baby represents the love that is between us. It is the last missing piece of our puzzle. We are one huge jigsaw and I want you to know that in spite of everything that happened on the day when we found out, I can't wait to have our baby. And the fact that we are having a little girl, makes it even more perfect. Then again, all I wanted it to be was for it to be our baby, just our baby. Part you, part me… boy or girl… I didn't really care, because it was going to be ours. I would be having _your_ baby. The man who loves me for who I am, with all my flaws – and there's quite a few of them – but who not only loves me, but the whole package that came along with me.

That's all I wanted you to know."

"That's all?" Castle mocked playfully with raised eye brow.

But before Beckett could say anything he pulled her by her hips to his body and wrapped her in a smouldering kiss that left her panting for air.

"I love you, Kate. You _and_ your package… How could I not? I look at them and all I see is you, the woman I'm madly in love with. The woman carrying my child, and I love you for that too. Since we are opening gates here… I never pictured myself becoming a father again once Alexis was… what? Seven? Eight? I was a single child, I loved it, but I always figured I'd have at least two kids running around the house. So, after that I just thought, it would be cool to only have one child…but when I laid my eyes on you… Okay, that might not be the best approach here…but let's say, after getting to know you a little bit more, I could see us, all of us together… I know it took you longer to get to where I was ever since our third or fourth date. It was scary at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I… was in love with you, Kate. Yes, I know I do a lot on impulse, without thinking twice… you roll your eyes or shoot me dead with your glare, and then I still have my way… You hate it, but love it too. You're so stubborn and thick skulled and I still love it. We have our differences… everybody has. I think the two of us were meant to be. And when we learnt we were going to have a baby, I was so thrilled and you weren't. I was hurt. The weird thing is that I wasn't sure what hurt more, you not wanting our baby or witnessing your confusion in your heart and soul. Because deep down inside I knew you'd love that baby. You love the three you have, you're an amazing mother and I was sure that three or four wouldn't make much a difference. Technically speaking… Of course it was also a lot for me to absorb too, but as very often I was quick to respond positively to the news. I think I have a fair idea of what was going on inside of you, so what hurt most was to see you being lost. It hurt more than having you push me away, because I knew the mother in you would never give up her baby. Never, Kate… not under such circumstances. That's why I also came around rather fast when you reappeared on the door step the next day. I knew it all the way through and I am so glad I wasn't wrong, because we are going to have a gorgeous little baby girl. I hope she won't inherit my crooked nose…"

"Oh, so the crooked nose is what you're worried about?" Beckett threw in playfully.

"Haha! Funny… Don't be mean." Castle countered. "Look at me… Aren't I ruggedly handsome?"

Beckett scoffed loudly. The truth though was that she thought of him as a very handsome man. After all she had had a crush on him for years, which he still didn't know to this day, and she wasn't willing to let that information slip any time soon.

* * *

_tbc_


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

"Kate?" Castle entered their new home finding it surprisingly quiet. Calling briefly out to his mother and his daughter and hearing no answer, he stepped to the back since Beckett had to be home. She had called sick into the work earlier this morning. Before heading to his appointment with the banker, he had dropped Charlie off at day care and Jamie and Matt at kindergarten and school respectively. Alexis seemed to still be in class too and his mother was off to wherever.

"Kate?"

The master bedroom was empty too.

"Kate?"

This time he found her asleep in the rocking chair resting at the head of the crib, her hand protectively holding her seven months baby belly. It had been a rough night for her apparently. He felt sorry for being such a fast sleeper. He had tried to convince her to get her to wake him up, but stubborn as she was, she kept him asleep instead by telling him he would need the sleep. She though reminded him on more than one occasion that once the baby was there, he needed to take relay every once in a while.

Just the thought of their new baby girl being with them soon brought a smile to his face. Curious to know what kind of traits the girl was going to inherit. His blue or her green eyes? Was she going to have the same long wavy hair? He hoped, for the girl's sake, that she would inherit her mother's nose, not his crooked one, even though Beckett happened to find it adorable. It fit with his face, she had said. The truth was that Castle would love to have a version of a mini-Kate. But either way, he will love that little girl with all his heart. He already did.

Leaning up against the door frame he lost himself in his girlfriend's beauty. She had been careful of closing the drapes, but a few sun rays wound their way through the tiny split in the middle, lightly brightening up her angelic face.

The engagement ring adorning her right hand sparkled through the room as Castle had flashbacks to his proposal.

* * *

_Flashback_

_Three months ago_

_The afternoon had been quite hectic with seven seven years old, plus Charlie and Jamie added to the pack, celebrating Matt's seventh birthday. He sure was a big boy now and things had been working hard on Beckett to realise that her eldest was starting to get more independent. He was asking on regular basis to have friends over or to sleep at their place. Jamie of course wanted to go along but his big brother wouldn't let him. The fact that Charlie was two years old now too had made her feel quite melancholic. Her baby was also growing... all of them were. But she was carrying another little addition to the family under her heart. She couldn't wait to be the mother of a little girl. The past months, ever since they had become a family, she had had the chance to be a mother to a sixteen year old, and so far it was bliss._

_Jamie and Mattie were contently lounged in front of the TV set for half an hour while Beckett was getting a very coughing Charlie to bed. Castle had heard Charlie's babbles as they were doing flashcards. Charlie loved those and had quite an extensive vocabulary for his age. Charlie also loved to mimic sounds a lot and every time Castle couldn't get enough of that little munchkin who was the spitting image of his mother._

_When Castle entered the nursery Beckett was leaning over the crib lying her sleeping toddler into his crib. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. His big strong hands instantly came to rest on the already large bump on her front._

"_Are Mattie and Jamie in their pj's?"_

"_Yep, teeth brushed too and ready for bed. I told them they could watch some more TV."_

_Beckett let out a content sigh, did a one hundred and eighty degree turn to be face-to-face with Castle, his arms now wrapped at the small of her back._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too. So much" whispered Castle and kissed her. "How's my little man doing?"_

"_I gave him some meds so while our reading he sort of drifted off as soon as they kicked in. I doubt he will be out for the night though. He's running a fever too. Thanks for taking care of Jamie and Mattie tonight and this afternoon."_

"_Always, Kate."_

_Both stayed in that comfortable embrace with Beckett's head leaning against his chest and Castle's chin softly resting on top of her head. Castle took a long sigh, taking his courage in both of his hands before getting down on his knees._

"_This is not the way I wanted to do this, but I'm gonna do it anyway."_

"_Rick, what are you...?"_

_Beckett's eyes were wide open, staring at him as he knelt in front of her on one knee. No, this couldn't be happening! Not now! And yet, here he was... ready to propose. Why else would a man get in this position?_

"_Kate Beckett, please make me the happiest man by becoming my wife... Will you marry me?"_

_Tears had welled up in his eyes and seconds later they were rolling down his cheeks. He knew it was stupid to ask her now. He had everything prepared for next weekend. A restaurant was booked, candle light dinner, you name it... and there he was, down on his knees in the middle of Charlie's room with a sick toddler asleep in the crib and the woman he loved more than himself standing in front of him... saying nothing._

"_I love you, Kate, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me happy. Every morning when I wake up with you beside me I wish nothing more than to wake up that way for the rest of my life. I'm crazy about you. I'm crazy about those three boys of yours and I'm crazy about the little one growing inside you. I can't wait to meet her, to hold her, to love her... and I love her so much already. Marry me, Kate?"_

_Tears were literally spilling down his face by now. Beckett was overwhelmed. She hadn't expected any of it. Then again, hadn't he just said that this wasn't the way he had planned it._

"_Rick... I... I don't know what to say..."_

"_Say yes?" _

"_Rick, I... I really don't know what to say. I want to say yes, but..." Castle briefly shut his eyes. "It's not that I don't want to... it's just..."_

"_Unexpected... and you don't like surprises."_

_A sweet chuckle left her throat as Castle seemed to understand her way of thinking, "I clearly don't... Listen, Rick..." She helped him up to his feet again. He was taller than her every time she wasn't wearing her heels, "I love you... so much... I'm flattered, I really am... I guess I'm just taken aback here. I... I don't know what else to say."_

_Charlie took that moment to cough several times, waking up. Beckett's attention rested on her baby as he groaned in his semi-sleep state. She quickly soothed him down with a few soft words and caresses over his back. Three minutes later he was back off into dreamland._

"_What?"_

"_Every time I get to see you do that, I love you even more... if that is even possible."_

_Beckett took one step forward, wound her arms around his neck and pulled his head down onto hers so they could melt into one long smouldering kisses leaving them both breathless._

"_I love you, Rick. Give me some time... You know I need that..." she insisted and was glad Castle was such a patient man._

"_I'm such a klutz", Castle suddenly exclaimed, "I forgot the ring. This is all so wrong..." shaking his head because of his faux pas. "I'm such a looser..."_

_He seemed genuinely concerned about this so that Beckett had to encase his head in both of her hands._

"_You're not a klutz, Rick. This was so... special and very intimate. Just the two of us and I love you for that. Some day..." Beckett stuttered nervously, running hand over her slowly growing mid-section. "I mean, we're having this baby together. My boys adore you, they look up at you. You're an amazing father figure to them. I couldn't and wouldn't want any other man but you to fill in that spot."_

"_Thank you" Castle spoke softly._

_Beckett smiled, "Always..."_

_The next day, Beckett was carrying her engagement ring around her neck along with her mother's wedding ring. It was a promise to the future._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

This morning when he woke, he had noted the difference on her hand right away. Her hand that was resting on his chest, right above his heart and just like now the sun ray had been shining onto the diamond, making it sparkle even further. A smile had grown on his face instantly. Mere minutes after his wake-up Beckett's eyes had flutterer open.

"Morning beautiful" he had greeted her with a wide grin.

She mirrored his before he brought his hand that carried the ring to his lips, kissed it. Time stood still between them for a minute as their eyes remained locked for what seemed like eternity. Both realising the meaning behind this simple gesture.

"I love you Katherine Beckett."

They kissed and enjoyed their private moment for quite awhile until Charlie's babbles filtered through the house. Minutes later Jamie's loud screams pulled them out of their beds as both rushed to his side. Little man had had a nightmare and had fallen out of bed, knocking his head on one of his building blocks scattered around the room. The cruise was close to his right eye and the poor guy sure had to have been in pain. Beckett had been the only one able to help him under these circumstances. Soon after Matt trotted into the room, wondering what all the yelling was about. Just an ordinary morning in the Beckett Castle household, if it hadn't been for the ring now adorning her finger.

* * *

Castle smiled to himself at the memory. What a boring life he was leading before Beckett stumbled her way into his life. He could be god knows somewhere out there, flirting with some woman, bring her home for the night, have a good time. But no, here he was standing staring and completely in love with the woman carrying his daughter. Beside Alexis, he had now many other reasons to get up in the morning and he couldn't be any happier than he was that very moment watching her sleep. Her chest rising and falling with every single breath she took while her belly was growing every day, every week and every month with their love.

* * *

_tbc_

**A/N: Happy? I am! Thanks for all those amazing reviews! I love to read every single one of them as well as PMs so keep them coming! =)  
**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Sorry for not updating any sooner... been busy and lazy all together! No excuse, but just saying... Thanks for your wonderful reviews as usual! They mean the world to me! Last but not least I'd like to wish all of you a wonderful year! Hopefully it will be filled with lots of Caskett moments in both TV show and fanfiction. Here's some more cute moments to fill the gap until Monday's episode! Woohoo!**

* * *

**Chapter 37**

"He looks more and more like you" Castle whispered against her neck as the happy couple stood at the foot of Charlie's crib.

"Maybe… and he's growing so fast. I don't want him to." Beckett pouted, sounding a little bit like Jamie.

Castle softly chuckled at her cuteness, "But he will…" he stopped briefly as they remained in silence without moving an inch until he added, "What do you think is she going to be like? How do think will the boys react to their little baby sister?"

Beckett shrugged, as both pair of hands rubbed lovingly across her huge belly. The baby was going to be with them any day now. It seems like she was comfortable in there and didn't want to come out.

"Matt's going to be the big brother… all protective, just like he is with Charlie. Jamie might be a little apprehensive at first, he also was when his younger brother was born. He will come around eventually, even if it means that he would have to share his car collection with her. I know he can be a sweet person. And Charlie, I'm not quite sure. I guess like every toddler and youngest of the family, he will have to adjust as to no longer being the smallest in the family. He will be surprised, but Charlie has that bubbling personality. He will do just fine. Jamie will be the hardest one.

And to what she is going to be like… I don't know. I think I would really love her to be part you and part me. Contrary to what I might have said before" Beckett said and turned around to be face to face with Castle, her hands joining at the back of his neck, "I wouldn't mind if she were to be a mini version of you. I know how stressful it might get, but having her all bouncy and quite energetic with light brown hair and blue eyes… yes, I could live with that."

She finished her words with a smile and peck onto his lips. Castle had to smile too. He was aware how much they kept teasing each other about it, but the truth was that either of them was really looking forward to that little baby girl, no matter whom she might look more alike.

"I love you, Katherine Beckett."

"I love you too."

He kissed her sweetly once more, "Hey, we still haven't settled on a name _and _a nickname."

Beckett rolled her eyes, "I understand the name but why a nickname?"

"What? Why not? I've got my pumpkin, my big man, my little man and my cheeky monkey. I have got to find a nickname for my little girl. I guess I'll figure that one out once we actually agree on a name for her. What are the boys' full names?"

"Oh…" Beckett exclaimed realising that Castle didn't even know them. "You're right. I didn't even… I…"

"It's okay… It's not like you were hiding them from me. The subject just never came up." Castle reasoned.

Beckett gazed down at her sleeping baby one last time before grabbing Castle's hand and pulling him out of the nursery. They both strolled down the hallway and cosily nestled themselves into the cushions of the couch

"Well, all three of them go by the name Beckett Cullen as you know already. Mattie's full name is Matthew Scott. Jamie's name is James Tyler and Charlie's name is Charles Aiden. I…." Beckett stopped and started playing with the sparkling ring adorning her finger.

"What is it?"

"I'm wearing this ring with the prospect of marrying you some day… soon…" She added to reassure him. Castle gave her a supportive smile. When the time was right, they would get married. Or better, when Beckett was ready she would let him know. They were already a family in his heart, the rest was just all a formality. A formality he wanted to have, simply because he was in love with her and marrying her was the natural thing to do to complete their bond. They were already having a baby, so marriage was the last step they needed to fulfil. "I've been thinking about changing my name too…"

"Really?"

"Yeah…" she said with half a smile.

"But…"

"However…"

"Well, that's a fancy _but_…"

Beckett groaned as he mimicked locking his mouth and throwing the key away, "The boys… I don't know… I… I mean, I don't know what's best for them… Beckett Cullen Castle sounds like an awful lot. Besides I don't even know if you'd want that… I…"

"Kate…" Castle felt privileged that she had been thinking about changing their names. Not only hers, but also the boys' name.

"I don't want to take their father's name away from them. He was and always – biologically speaking – will be their father. I can't change that. I mean… What if I take it away? They will hate me. I wouldn't want that to happen."

"They won't hate you, Kate. Those boys adore you. You're their mother."

"But, what if?"

Castle noted the tears springing to her eyes. Her hormones were getting the better out of her once again, so he wrapped his left arm around her shoulder and pulled her head closer to his chest.

"The question is, are you willing to change your name to just Castle or Beckett Castle? Or Castle Beckett?" he enquired.

"I was thinking about Beckett Castle"

Castle gave it a thought, "Why not change – that is if you want to – to Cullen Castle for the boys? That way they'd have both their father's name. Not that I'm…"

"You are their father, Rick." Beckett declared staring straight into his eyes. She wasn't flinching the slightest little bit, and the tone in her voice was so sincere.

"Kate…" he hushed, sensing her at the verge of shedding endless tears. Unfortunately that was exactly what happened next. "Kate… sweetheart… I love you so very much." He added while showering her face with many gently touches and kisses, wiping the rolling wet droplets out of her face. He slid down at the food of the couch where he knelt down so he could be face to face with her. "Look at me, Kate… I know you only want what is best for these boys. I love being a father to them, Kate. I could no longer imagine my life without them."

"What if something happens to me, will you…?"

"Hell yes, Kate… of course!" Castle hadn't given her the time to even finish her thoughts. "Nothing's gonna happen to you, Kate. Please don't say that…"

"Yeah, but what if… will you really? 'Cause I got no family… Oh my god they would go to foster homes and they would be separated. I…"

"Kate…" Castle slowed her down, grabbing either side of her face. He needed her to look at him. "Boy, those hormones really know how to kick right in, don't they?" Castle laughed and Beckett sniffled, mumbling an apology. "I love them, Kate…" A few tears were now welling his eyes too. This conversation was slowly getting out of hands. The mere thought of having to give those three boys up was unbearable. "I am not giving them up, Kate. Only over my dead body. I… God, look what you did to me. I'm bawling like a baby"

Beckett sniggered sweetly, "I'm sorry" she whispered softly against his lips as they melted against one another. "I love you, Rick. I want you to look out for my babies, if… "

"I'm there, Kate… all the way. I promise they won't be left alone. They mean the world to me, just like they do to you. I consider them as my sons. I bring them to school and pick them up when you can't. I make them breakfast, lunch and dinner. I read them a story when I bring them to bed every evening. I kiss them good night and wish them sweet dreams. I'm there for every head bump and I'm there for every single scratched and bloody knee or nose. I'm there when they need a hug and I'm there when they need someone to talk to.

They are so alive. They keep me young, making me chase them around the park, roll around on the floor. I love to finger paint with them. I love to throw the entire house upside down with a pillow fight just so I can see a smile on their faces. I love them for who they are. I love them for they are yours…all yours, Kate. And the thought of not having them near me… is… killing me. I love you, Kate. We're having this baby together and even though her big brothers aren't part of me, they still are part of you, the woman I love. I'd never give them up, Kate. Never. I want you to know that."

"I want this legally done, Rick. You know… just in case… I want to be sure. I'm not doubting you. It's just… you know. And I know it's a lot to ask you for…"

"I know, I understand… come here. And it's not something you have to ask me. I want to do that." Castle pulled her in a loving embrace as if he never wanted to let go of her ever again. "In fact I'd been wanting to ask you this myself… you know, when we get married… I'd love nothing more than to become legally their father."

Tears kept spilling down her face, as she secretly wondered how amazing he could be.

"Ouch!" Beckett yelped painfully, grasping her upper side of her round belly. She breathed out long and slowly to get the pain shooting currently through her body under control.

"Are you all right?" his tone was submerged with worry.

"Your daughter just kicked me in the ribs…. Oh God!"

"What? Is it time?"

Beckett regulated her breathing.

"I don't think so… not quite yet. This might take a while first…" she reassured him with a smile holding her back.

In fact, she wasn't quite sure what was her hurting most, the pain shooting through her lower back or her daughter's feet continuously pressing up against her ribs. Upon Beckett's sign, Castle helped her up onto her feet and both headed for the bedroom. It was getting late and most likely the bed would be more cosy than the couch. Despite the ache Beckett couldn't help from thinking how adorable Castle was getting all excited and worried at the same time. He was genuinely concerned about her well being.

"Do you need anything at all? Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?"

"Rick…" she called out with a soothing voice. He reluctantly slowed down and eventually laid down next to her. "Hey… I've had three babies, Rick. Yes, I think this is the beginning… but let's just wait and see, okay? She needs some time to settle down… And me too…"

"I'm so nervous!" Castle admitted. "I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don't know anything! Meredith had a c-section. I really don't know. This scares me a little. Why did I not prepare for this?" His voice pitched up a bit and Beckett was having a hard time not laughing at him.

"You're cute…", she sighed with a beam and pulled his head down onto hers for a kiss. "I love you" She fetched his hand and held it close to her chest, "Everything will be just fine. As long as you're there with me… hold me… support me… help me… guide me… that's all I need. I know I have to do it… all by myself. And I also know you wish you could take some of that excruciating pain away from me, and trust me when I say I wish you could too, but sadly enough that's not possible. All you have to do is to be there for me, just like we trained this a couple of times. All right?"

For once it was her words that were soothing him, reassuring him and giving him the strength he needed through this difficult time. He was impatiently waiting for this day to arrive and now that it was there, he was loosing control. Why?

His eyes met hers and a smile crept on each face. They knew that soon their baby girl was going to be there with them and neither could await that moment.

"I love you, Kate." Castle said without breaking eye contact with her. She felt his hand caress over her belly in the mere hope to calm their quite active daughter's kicks. Beckett felt another pain shoot through her spine and she knew she was in labour. The contractions were still mild and far apart. They still had a couple of hours ahead of them.

"Try to get some sleep." She told him.

"You're in pain, Kate. How do you want me to go to sleep?"

"We talked about this, Rick. At least try… I'm going to try to get some rest before the big run… If this baby plans on coming in the middle of the night, I want you fully there for me, so you need to rest. I'm here and I'm okay… I have a fair idea of what is awaiting me. I know I won't get any sleep and the pain is nothing I can't handle alone. When it's time, I'll let you know… Come here…"

Beckett rolled herself onto the right side with the large pillow to hold onto and Castle pressing up against her, his arms protectively resting over their still unborn child. He really wished for this to go faster, because frankly he had no idea, in spite of the many books he had read, what a natural birth was like. Meredith's c-section had been planned well in advance. The date of birth was given, they drove to hospital and the next day at 10 A.M. Alexis was born. End of the story. This was a whole knew territory to experience and he felt so lost and confused.

* * *

_tbc_

* * *

**A/N: OMG, are you guys ready?  
**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/: OMG It's baby time!**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

"Rick… Rick…"

"Wha-What?"

She nervously laughed at his befuddled expression. He had drifted to slumber after all and truthfully she was glad he had.

"It's time, Rick. We need to go to hospital now. Contractions are close to five minutes."

"Oh my God!"

Castle jumped out of bed and followed instructions Beckett was giving him. Every now and then Beckett wished for him to not be so overly giddy, but at the same time she felt sorry for him, after all he was trying to do the best he could.

"Okay, I got the bag. Mother knows we are off, so we are all set to go. Ready?" He spoke in one long hurried trait before taking a deep breath.

"I am" Beckett said, "_Are you_?"

"Don't do this to me! Okay?" He challenged with warning finger as he watched Beckett wobble her way his direction.

She came abruptly to a halt as another contraction hit her. Her bag was instantly dropped to the floor as Castle stood beside her, guiding her through the contraction. They waited for thirty seconds until it was over.

"We should try to make it to the car as fast as possible before the next one…"

Beckett felt her temperature rising by the minute. They both made it right on time to the car before another contraction shot through her abdomen, but she had everything under control. They drove to hospital. She got her first exam and was told that everything was going just the way it should. Castle felt relieved, both because they were in the place they needed to be and also because their baby was fine. Shortly after the nurse left them to themselves so they could adjust to their new environment, besides she also needed to inform the doctor of the new arrival.

"What time is it?" Beckett longed to know.

"4.28" Castle informed her. "Why?"

Beckett shook her head, "I guess that all my kids are morning babies."

"How so?" Castle pulled a chair up to the bedside and sat next to her, holding her hand. Making small conversation would get her mind off the permanent contractions hitting her every four minutes now. They became shorter and Beckett knew this baby would be there faster than all the previous ones. The regular, yet fast, pattern of their daughter's heart beat was beeping through the room.

"Matt arrived 2.34 A.M., Jamie at 6.58 A.M and Charlie at 5.27 A.M. I think our daughter…." – contraction – "this baby is going to be soon with us… she's in a hurry… I think I need to push…"

Beckett just managed to finish her sentence when the nurse checked up on her again with doctor in tow. It didn't take them more than a brief look to realise that Beckett was indeed in the final stage already. It had been half an hour since her admission. An additional nurse was instantly called and a baby bassinet was prepared and hooked onto in any case of emergency that, though hopefully not, might occur. Castle switched placed and sat on the other side of the bed, without letting go of Beckett's hand.

"You're fully dilated, Kate. So on the next contraction you can push…" the midwife advised.

The entire crew waited and all of them supported Kate where they could, helping her breath through each contraction and giving her strength in between for the next one. It took a long half an hour before their baby girl had decided to eventually saying hello to the world. Castle's eyes were like transfixed at the tiny human being coming out of Beckett.

"The head is out, Kate. I can see the head." Castle exclaimed excitedly. This was amazing.

But Beckett knew that already, after all she had to push hard on the last contraction to get there. She felt tired, exhausted… her body was drained. She felt dirty and just over all not good. She wanted it to be over even though this baby took less time than her brothers. Beckett was just tired and longed to sleep, but the voices of the nurses telling her to breath long and gently push the rest of the baby's body out of her kept her going. She was pretty sure she would have given up soon, when she felt a weight resting against her chest.

It was her baby… all gooey and pinkish/bluish, but so perfect. It had its eyes closed and didn't make a sound; at least no wailing sound. One of the nurses covered the little baby's fragile body with a towel as to not get cold.

The emotions firing through Beckett's body were getting too much as tears of happiness streamed down her face. Most of the next two to three minutes were a blur to her, as she kept her little bundle cuddled up against her chest. A nurse freed the baby's mouth from the water still filling her lungs and then she let out a tiny cry. It though sounded more like a protest, but still Beckett was rejoiced with pride.

"Thank you" she kissed Castle tenderly while he wiped a wet cloth across her forehead.

"You're welcome" They both smiled at each other before they gazed down at their beautiful baby girl. "She's so tiny…"

"She is…"

"She's beautiful… ten fingers… ten toes… perfect… God, I didn't think I could love you more, but I do." Castle said before stealing another long kiss from her.

The couple had a brief moment to themselves, before the nurse interrupted them unwillingly so he could cut the cord. He was next asked to follow her where they could perform a preliminary exam on the little girl's reflexes. The world was bright and cold all of a sudden and the tiny infant gave her best performance of her lungs. The baby had a quick bath before getting all wrapped up in a pink blanket. Once everything was complete and she was resting again snugly against her mother's chest her crying stopped.

"Mommy loves you, baby. So so much…"

"Hey! I love her too!" Castle interjected playfully.

"And yes, sorry, baby… daddy loves you too." she teased him just the slightest little bit. She had to get back at him in some way after the pain he let her endure. Payback was only fair. Castle didn't get into her playfulness and watched with mesmerize at she tried to latch the baby onto the breast. It took several tries and when Beckett was about to give up, she finally felt her sucking forcefully. Beckett let out a sigh she didn't know she had been withholding, and Castle placed a kiss to her forehead.

"She's perfect"

"Congratulations to both of you…. have you picked a name already, or should I write down _Beckett_ for the time being?"

"Her name is…" Beckett stopped, realising all of a sudden that after all this time, they still didn't have a name for their baby girl. She looked up at Castle, as if searching for help.

As if on cue he said, "_Beckett Castle_ for now. We haven't… we don't know…"

"That's okay. No need to worry. Just let us know when you have one." She scribbled both family names onto the pink wrist band before wrapping it around the girl's tiny hand. They took a tiny journey through the feeding session and then it was time for the final expulsion of the placenta. Another half an hour later, they were finally left to themselves in the tiny bubble of their own world, just the three of them.

"I can't get over how small she is."

"She's a baby, Rick."

"Of course I know that! But look how cute she is! We make beautiful babies!"

"Don't get any ideas, Rick. This is my last one." She informed him and instantly regretted her words. She could have phrased it differently, "Sorry, I didn't mean to say it that. I…"

"I know, Kate. It's all right. We have a house full. We have our hands full for the next… eighteen years. I'm good. I'm moooore than good." He stopped in his words and let the information sink in. "Thank you, for having her. For giving me the chance to become a father one last time. You were amazing. This was amazing… I don't have any words. How are you feeling?"

"Tired" she sighed, "In desperate need of a shower… but so happy. I have a little girl. I don't know what it's like to have a girl… I'm going to screw her up, won't I?"

"Hey, if anyone is going to screw her up, don't you think that would be me?" Beckett shrugged in hesitation, "Eh… we'll both screw her up." A moment of silence grew among them, before Castle added, "She's gorgeous, Kate. God, I love her and I love you, so much."

He suddenly remembered, pulled out the camera and flashed countless pictures of their daughter either alone or with her mother.

"You wanna hold her?"

"She's sleeping"

"Take her, Rick..."

It wasn't easy for Beckett to let go of her newborn, but Castle was the father and he deserved to also make proper acquaintance with his daughter. She carefully laid her into his arms and literally melted of love at the bonding pair in front of her. Castle lightly lifted her up and dropped a kiss onto her cute little nose, right on time as Beckett took a picture.

The happy couple was in complete bliss and Castle only realised the lateness once the sun rays started to filter through the curtains and lightened the room. He was glad that mother and baby had found sleep, so he was able to let go of them for a couple of minutes in order to share the good news with the rest of the family.

* * *

_tbc_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for cutting the chapter abruptly but I didn't know where else to cut it… :o/ Otherwise I think it's too long. I'm sure you don't mind a loooong chapter, but anyways… you know what I mean :P**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

"Six pounds 9 ounces, eighteen inches, ten tiny toes and ten longer fingers of pure happiness, Mother!"

"Oh, Richard! That's wonderful! Congratulations! How's Kate?"

"She's sleeping right now. They both are. Everything went so fast."

_Is it Rick? Is it mommy? I wanna talk to mommy? No I wanna talk to Mommy? I was first! No I was first! Granma, tell Jamie I was first! No, I was first Mattie! Charlie go away!_

Castle could hear the boys giving his mother a hard time in the background. Alexis' voice also filtered through the receiver trying to shush them down a bit, but with three overly excited boys and their mother far away, shushing them down was easier said than done.

"Put Matt on the speaker, Mother."

"Hi, Rick!" Matt's cheery voice greeted him. Castle couldn't help the smile growing on his face at the sound of it. "Is the baby there? Can I see it? I wanna see it."

"Hi Matt. The baby's fine. You can see the baby this afternoon. I'll come pick you up from school and then you can see her. Okay?"

"I don't wanna go to school! I wanna see mommy and the baby now!"

"No, Mattie, you gotta go to school. I want you to listen to grandma and Alexis! So be the big man, give me a kiss and put me through with Jamie, all right. I'll come pick up after school. I promise."

"Okay..." he reluctantly gave in, spoke his goodbye and handed the phone to his brother.

"Mommy?"

"Hey Jamie. Mommy's sleeping right now, so she can't talk to you at the moment"

On the other end of the line the little boy's lower lip started to quiver and seconds later tears spilled down his face

"I want my mommy."

Castle felt his heart twitch deep within his chest and wished he could be there for a his little man. He was in desperate need of a little hug.

"Jamie... listen to me. Right now mommy's sleeping. She's very tired. She needs to sleep so I need you to be a big boy too, just like Mattie, all right? I will pick you up from school this afternoon and then we'll all come together to hospital to visit mommy and the baby. Okay?"

"Mommy!" His voice pierced through the air and Castle knew Alexis had pulled him away from the phone to save her father from deafness. It wouldn't help anyway and what was most important right now was to get them ready for school.

"Are you sure you're going to be all right, Mother? I can be there in about fifteen. The boys will be a little bit late for school, but I'm sure I can straighten this out with the principal."

"Nonsense, Richard. We're going to be fine. Alexis is already busy helping him into his shoes."

"Okay. Call me if needed. All right?"

"I will do kiddo. My congratulations to Kate too."

They ended the conversation and Castle next waited for about half an hour before trying to reach his daughter on her cell phone. It should have taken her about five to ten minutes to get the boys finished for school, then another five minute walk and five minute ride with the subway to school, meaning she should be now on the way to high school. They kept their talk down to a minimum since they would see each other in the afternoon again.

"You're awake." Castle greeted Beckett with a smile as she was sitting up in bed with a breakfast tray standing in front of her when he entered her room.

"Yeah, they just brought this in."

At her quizzical expression, he explained the reason of his phone in his hands.

"I called home. Mother and Alexis give their hellos and congratulations."

"And..." Beckett knew there was more to it since Castle wasn't displaying the best of looks.

"Jamie started crying on the phone. He wanted to see you. Matt too, but he took it pretty well. Jamie unfortunately not so much. I should not have called yet... I should have waited for them to be at school."

Beckett took his hand in hers witnessing him in such despair. He honestly regretted putting her son through such pain. The truth was that Beckett missed her children. She had brought them to bed last night and yet she was missing them after a mere twelve hours spent apart. She fought her own tears at the thought of Jamie having to go through this without her. He was only four years after all and they all were used to having their mother around them twenty-four seven.

"He will be okay, Rick. I'm pretty sure that as soon as he got distracted, things were fine again. He..."

Beckett stopped on her breakfast as her girl awoke and the room was instantly filled with her loud wailing.

Castle reached into the bassinet and handed the crying infant out to her mother. Expert as Beckett was, the little one latched onto her milk and then she continued with her own breakfast, albeit with only one hand, leaving Castle to spread the jam onto her slices of toasts.

"Thanks"

"Hey... I told you I'm all the way in. It's the least I can do. For now, she needs you more than she needs me." They shared a long kiss, before he added, "She has your slender long fingers and your nose. Thank God!"

Beckett lightly chuckled, "We need a name for her, Rick..."

"I know..."

"This is ridiculous! Why can't we just settle on a name that we both like?" Beckett said, gazing dreamingly down at her nursing daughter. "What are we down to?"

Castle sat down next to her on the bed after he had pulled a wrinkled sheet of paper out of his back pocket. He unfolded the old paper and rattled down the remaining names that weren't scratched out on the list yet, "Celia, Julia, Sophia, Emily, Emma, Jane" He briefly stopped to see her reaction, but it wasn't looking good.

"It's not that I don't like the names written on there. It's just that I think they don't fit. She doesn't look like a Jane to me."

Castle scrunched his nose and continued his lecture, "Grace, Lucy, Madeline, Marie, Emeline?"

"Nooo" Beckett sounded desperate. He was too. It looked like all the names that were left, weren't meant for their daughter.

"Isabelle, Matilda, Maggie, Olive and Fiona. Still _no_ I presume? But Emeline Castle sounds... strong!"

"Rick!" Beckett groaned, fetched the sheet of paper out of his hands and tossed it into her lap.

"I really don't know what's wrong with those names, Kate? Just pick one!"

"I'm not just_ picking one, _Rick! It's our baby! She will carry that name for the rest of her life."

"Don't you think I don't know that! Tell me what's wrong with Matilda? I think it fits."

"No, it doesn't! Okay, we are not going to start a fight on this... Maybe we should wait some more. We don't need to find one _now_."

Castle knew her words to be finale so they let it go.

"Kate?"

"Hmmm?" she hummed. When Castle didn't say another word she looked up at him.

"I love you" She flashed him the warmest smile of smiles. "I mean it. I want you to know that. I'm still literally taken aback by her birth. You were amazing. I don't have enough words to let you know how I feel. The best experience ever. I... so gross... but so amazing all at the same. I love you and cannot believe you did that four times." Her smile simply was contagious, however tears still started to well up in his eyes, "Our baby..."

Beckett could see that he was at the verge of tears. Things must have been a little bit hectic for him since this natural birth was so different from a caesarean, but he had been there all the time with her, helping all the way through. He had stuck to his promise and she felt grateful for his support.

"I'm just glad you didn't pass out." She half joked in order to make him feel more at ease.

"Well, now that you mention it, I think I wasn't too far off from it. A tiny human being came out of you... I just couldn't stop from watching. It was our baby, Kate. Our little girl... I love both of you so much. I wish I'd had that experience with Alexis too..."

Castle's gaze drifted into the distance through the window and outside where a brand new day had started. A day that would be important to both of them for the rest of their lives. Another day to celebrate with birthday parties. He silently wondered how many more babies would be born on this very same day. He thought about all the other parents welcoming their own little version into the crazy world. Oh, how he loved it all.

Beckett and Castle spent most of the morning together. He even helped her with a shower and then he was off home to have his own shower, before getting ready to pick up all the children from their school. First Mattie and Jamie, then Charlie from daycare. Last but not least, Alexis from High School and together they drove through the busy streets of New York to reach the hospital in the late afternoon again.

"Mommy!" The three boys exclaimed excitedly upon spotting their mother.

Castle saw the love shining in Beckett's eyes as she welcomed them with wide open arms. Jamie and Mattie jumped right onto the bed. Mattie hugged and kissed her briefly while Jamie clung to her for dear life as a new set of tears followed.

"I miss you, mommy. You coming home now?"

Beckett wiped the tears from her son's face, "No sweetie. Not yet, but maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Okay? I miss you too, Jamie...so much."

"Mama" Charlie claimed vehemently in Alexis's arms. Jamie and Mattie unwillingly scooted closer to each other to make room for their youngest brother.

"Hey, baby!" Beckett cuddled him close to her chest.

"Easy Charlie, not so fast!" Castle warned him as the toddler started climbing all over her.

"It's okay, Rick. I'm good."

"Oh my God!" All heads turned Alexis' direction who was now standing at the bassinet. "She's so small. Oh... Can I hold her? Please?"

Beckett hated to love that her blue piercing eyes had the same effect on her as the ones of her father did Castle walked up to his daughter, lifted the baby out of the bassinet to drop into the teenager's awaiting arms.

"Just make sure of her head, pumpkin."

"Baby!" Charlie exclaimed giddily again as the entire family gathered around the new family member.

"She's adorable, Kate." Alexis spoke with a certain twinkling in her eyes.

"I also wanna hold her"

Beckett was surprised at her eldest's words, but after a few minutes spent in her big sister's arms, the baby was ready to be welcomed by her biggest brother.

"Now sit there Mattie, hold your arms like that okay... make sure to hold her." Castle instructed as Matt followed suite.

The view of seven year old Mattie holding his little sister brought tears to Beckett and Castle's eyes. When his first words to her left his mouth didn't help much at all. It simply was too cute for words.

"Hello baby sister. I'm Mattie your big brother." All three adults started to laugh. "Mommy, her eyes are open and she's looking right at me!" His joyful tone said more than they needed to know. He was in love with his baby sister. "And she pulls out her tongue at me! She's being silly!"

The baby wriggled its arms above its head and it didn't take more than half a minute before she felt uncomfortable and started to cry. The couple was having a hard time explaining Matt that he didn't do anything wrong and that the baby simply wanted to be with its mother again.

"Baby, mama"

"Yes, it's your baby sister, Charlie. Do you wanna give a kiss to the baby? Be gentle... slowly..." Beckett told him as he cleaned closer to drop a kiss onto his baby sister's forehead.

"Dad?" Alexis wordlessly wrapped her arms around her father's waist to lean her head against his chest.

Instinctively Castle knew how his daughter was feeling, "I know, Pumpkin... I love you, sweetie."

"You're the best dad in the world."

His response was to kiss the top of her head and tightened his embrace.

"Do you also want to hold the baby, Jamie?" Beckett wanted to know.

The latest fervently shook his head in the negative, "No, I wanna go home now!" he sulked.

"But you only just arrived, sweetie. What's wrong?"

"I want you to come home too!"

"Jamie, sweetie" Beckett motioned Jamie to scoot closer to her right side as her left arm was cuddling his sister to her chest. She mother affectionately ran her hand and fingers through his dark brown curls. "Your sister was very much looking forward to meeting you. Don't you wanna give her a kiss too? I'm sure she would love it."

Jamie shyly hid his head against his mother's chest while shaking it. Knowing her son pretty well, she knew he was more apprehensive of the new changes happening in his life once again. The baby was something new, something he needed to approach carefully.

"Give me your hand, Jamie... let's give her a cuddle together, hm?"

It took a few convincing words until Jamie had the courage to reach out to his sister. Together with his mother, he grazed his hands gently over her soft rosy cheeks and hands.

"She's tiny, mommy." The tone in his voice showed more reassurance than ten minutes ago.

"I know sweetie. She's a baby."

"I was a baby too when I was little?"

Beckett smiled at her son, "Yes, Jamie. You, Mattie and Charlie were all babies once, but now you're a big boy... a big brother to your little baby sister."

"Rick? Mommy says I'm a big brother now! Mattie and Charlie too! And Alexis, mommy?"

"Alexis is a big sister now because she's a girl."

"I know she's a girl, mommy!"

The room filled up with laughter, more words were exchanged and even more pictures were taken. Charlie also took his turn at a picture of his sister in his arms, which made Beckett cry, realising that her baby boy was no longer a baby. Charlie had over the past weeks turned into a real chatter box making two words sentences. An hour later it was hard letting go, but Castle promised to bring the boys to bed and would return after dinner for another couple of hours. He was in desperate need for a sleep too, no matter how much he hated leaving Beckett and his daughter behind.

"Rick?"

"Yes, Mattie..." Castle pulled the bed sheets tight around the boy's body. Mattie wrapped his arms around the tall writer's head, pulled him closer to him, taking Castle by surprise.

"I love you, Rick."

Warmth spread through the man's chest. He gazed at the young child, "I love you too, Mattie."

"I love you just like a real dad. You know why?" Castle didn't feel to interrupt his big man, "'cause you're like a dad to me. That's why I love you just the same."

"That is very sweet of you. I love you too, so much."

He gave the boy a kiss good night as the pair shared another hug, before turning off the lights and leaving the room. He entered the room next door to find Alexis reading a story to Jamie.

"Bedtime, Jamie." Castle jumped in to Alexis' rescue, who made a beeline to the living room. "Time to sleep. Come on, give me a big kiss goodnight." Jamie obeyed without much further ado and seconds later darkness filled the space.

_Well this went smooth_, Castle thought to himself, but then also realised that they were already half an hour past their usual bedtime and that on a school night. There was only his cheeky monkey he still needed to take care of. Sweet giggling sounds from the family room pierced through the dark of night. He feared for the worst yet to come. He wondered whether Charlie was going to agree to let his dada to put him to bed. If he happened to do it in the past, Beckett was always present as back-up. And most of the time, Charlie won his fight.

"Come on, Charlie. Bedtime" he cooed, "Say good night to Alexis"

"No bed!" Charlie countered shaking his head. Dressed in his footy pyjamas he found it extremely funny to escape the hands that were trying to catch him. Charlie giggled loudly, and no matter how much Castle would have loved to just chase him around, now it was bedtime and not time to play. He rapidly caught the running man and while balancing him on his hip, carried him into his bedroom.

"Come on, one more story, okay?" Castle agreed sensing the child quite active and the best in this case would be to calm him down first before laying him to bed. "_I'm a Big Brother now_" Castle read the title of the book, story they have read over and over again the past month. Sitting down on the floor he pulled Charlie into his lap.

"Baby!" "Twee!" (tree) "Appa!" (apple) "Dada" "Mama" "Choo-Choo"

Charlie kept rattling on objects as they leafed through the pages together, barely making it to the actual story.

"Where's the baby, Charlie?" Castle challenged. Charlie thought it over before patting his belly. "Oh Charlie, baby..." he sighed, feeling rather melancholic.

"Da-da!"

"You're right. Daddy loves you..." Castle lifted the boy into his arms and cradled his little frame against his chest, kissing his temple lovingly. His eyes drifted shut as he proceeded to rock him slowly back and forth. Millions of thoughts flashed through his mind. Most of all he felt the closeness of his Kate next to him through holding Charlie and rubbing his back. With each passing minute he felt Charlie's body going limp in his arms. Sadly he should have waited another couple of minutes because the boy cried out loudly as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Castle silently swore to himself and quickly left the room, hoping that Charlie wouldn't notice and that his crying would soon lull him back to sleep. Five minutes later Castle couldn't take it any longer and started pacing up and down the room again with Charlie. This exact scene went on for about half an hour, leaving Alexis to appear in the door frame.

"Want me to give it a try?"

"Yes, please... or you could call, Kate and tell her that I'm still, well..."

But Alexis had already taken matters into her own hands as she took over her big sister role.

"Charlie still not sleeping?" Beckett could hear her sons screaming all the way to the hospital.

"No, and it doesn't look good... I don't want to leave Alexis alone on a school's night. Mother's out. I'm sorry..."

"Don't worry, Rick. Besides you should get some sleep. You need it. We're doing fine."

"I miss you...both of you."

"I know and I understand. I miss you too. You go take care of my little baby, all right? I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay..."

"Rick?…. I love you... I mean, we love you."

A smile spread on his lips, "And we all love you. I need you home... I want you home. God,..."

"What?"

"The bed is so empty without you. I don't think I will sleep tonight."

"You will... I'm sure you will. You've been up since very early. And my little man needs you, Rick."

Even through the phone, Castle perceived her anguish in regard to her son's cries. Beckett sure couldn't stand listening more than two minutes to her son's agony. They spoke their good nights too, promising to see each other right after dropping the boys off the next day. Castle caught up with Alexis and took the reigns over again.

"Charlie... it's time to sleep, monkey boy... Come on... Da-da's tired."

For the next two hours Castle kept rushing back to the nursery every half an hour since Charlie kept waking himself up from his sleep.

"You're coming with me now, but don't tell mommy! Is that understood?"

By now it was past eleven and Castle was pretty sure he was going to pass out any minute. He wasn't fond of the idea of having Charlie sleeping with him, but right now he couldn't care less. He felt lonely and he needed sleep and the only solution to his problem was to take the sobbing toddler along with him. Charlie cried on end while Castle got himself ready for bed. His cries turned into heavy sobs once cradled up against his dada's body. After all those hours he was still calling out for his mother. Castle silently wished he could do something to ease his pain, but all he could do was to just rock him gently. He probably missed Beckett just as much as Charlie did. It was quite astonishing the impact she had had on his life the past year. In a good way of course. Her current absence was almost unbearable. He couldn't wait to have her back home… both of them.

* * *

_tbc_

* * *

**A/N: Chapter 40 and 41... then Epilogue coming soon =)**_  
_


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

The next day

"Jamie! Mattie! Come on, hurry boys!" Castle sighed for the umpteenth time, collecting them from school. Charlie was trotting by his side, holding hands with the tall writer before he would manage to escape. Castle was already having a hard time as it was getting the other two into the car.

"Come on boys! Do you want to go see your baby sister or not?"

This eventually got them moved and excited all at once. The drive to the hospital seemed endless long as their small talk went on in the back car. They parked the car in the sublevel and made their way to the maternity unit on the third floor. Castle had to call them back several times reminding them this to be a hospital and not a playground to run around. Some people were sick and they needed to rest and if they were being noisy said people couldn't rest properly in order to feel better.

As they rounded the corner, Castle knocked softly at the third door to his left and then motioned for the boys to step inside but to remain calm. Glad they were actually listening to him for once, they found the room in complete silence and no Beckett in bed. They heard shuffling coming from the bathroom and seconds later the door flung open where a quite smiling Beckett emerged.

"Mommy!"

All three boys said in unison that warmed up Beckett's heart right away as all three of them clung to her legs, making it difficult for her to walk across the room and sit on the chair. Once she was seated she lifted her youngest onto her lap. She hadn't seen them for a day and it had been the lost twenty-four hours of her life. She wouldn't want to miss them ever again and welcomed them in a very big hug.

"Mommy, when you coming home again?" Jamie enquired anxious to have his mother back home.

"Soon Jamie. I'm still a little sore delivering your baby sister and once the doctors give me an okay then I will come home. Maybe tomorrow, all right? You missing me?" Jamie nodded his head and no longer wanted to let go of his mother, nestling his head up against her chest.

"Hey" Castle eventually managed to greet her, leaning down so he could kiss her accordingly.

"Hey" She smiled back, secretly wishing she had more than just two arms. Charlie was clinging on one side and Jamie on the other one. Matt had enough with one hug and wandered around the room, until he spotted the crib resting on the other side of the bed.

Beckett smiled, "She's sleeping Mattie, so please don't wake her. She should wake up soon anyway... all right?"

Matt nodded understanding his mother's words perfectly and cautiously gazed inside the crib.

"She's very tiny"

"She's a baby, Matt." Castle tousled the big man's brown tresses with a smile and hoisted Matt up into his arms. He needed to feel close to Beckett and he always did when one of her boys were near him. The connection he felt was always the same and provided him with a certain serenity.

"Ba-by" Charlie babbled sweetly, standing on Beckett's lap and pointing with chubby finger to his baby sister.

"Shh... Charlie, baby's sleeping. Look!"

"Ba-by sleep, mama... shhh"

"Yes" Beckett planted an affectionate kiss against her son's cheek, sitting him back down into her lap. "Have you been nice with Rick?" Beckett wanted to know from the boys.

"Yes!" Jamie nodded, unconsciously lying since Castle had had a very hard time getting him ready for school this morning, as he categorically refused every single word out of the author's mouth. His favourite word all morning had been _no_. Of course Beckett knew about this mishap already feeling sorry for Castle who had to handle one of Jamie's tantrums for the first time alone in his life. Tossing and throwing his toys all around his room had been in order for a great part of the morning. The room was a mess now. Castle even ended in a brief word exchange with his mother in that regard, which had made the entire situation even harder to handle, but somehow he had managed it.

"Jamie!" Beckett spoke in a soft yet stern voice, "Rick told me what you did last night. You have thrown your room upside down. What happened, huh?" Jamie shrugged, his head downcast, "Were you mad because I wasn't home?" Beckett knew better than to yell at her son.

Again Jamie shrugged, regretting his actions. He knew he had messed up again, "I don't know mommy, I'm sorry... my head told me I have to do it."

Beckett stared at Castle. Both were left flabbergasted at his words.

"I understand that you are upset Jamie. I understand that you miss me, but that still is no reason to pull your room upside down, all right. I also don't like if you are giving Rick a hard time with getting you ready for school. We both love you very much. Our love for you isn't going to change now that we have another baby, okay? I am here in the hospital to heal and the doctors need to make sure that I am fine too before going home. I will come home very soon. I promise you that."

Beckett kept her eyes on her son, making sure her words were heard and not ignored. They have had so many months of therapy behind them, and this was a little step backward. Now they needed to look forward.

"When you go home later, I want you to clean up your room, all right? And yes, Rick will help you, but only if you help him too. And I want you to apologize to Rick what you did this morning. Rick got upset and he was worried about you, which made him sad. I'm sure you don't want Rick to be upset, now do you?"

Jamie shook his head as silent tears spilled down his face. But he still didn't move.

Beckett fully understood the situation he found himself in – and his fears. "Come on, Jamie. I want you to apologize to Rick. He's not going to yell at you, I promise."

"But he did…"

Beckett knew all the details already from Castle's visit this morning, "He might have raised his voice this morning, yes, and I am sure Rick also feels sorry for that."

"Yes! Yes I am, Jamie. I'm sorry I got a little bit louder this morning. I didn't mean to. I was upset, and I didn't know what to do when you…"

Beckett shook her head as for him not to continue that sentence, "See, Rick didn't mean it, just like you didn't mean to mess your room. That's why I want you to go apologize to Rick too."

With his eyes downcast, Jamie mumbled an apology, but Beckett wanted Jamie to say the words to Castle and not her. After a couple more tries it worked and all the things in the world were fine again. Ever since Beckett had moved in with the boys, Jamie had only had two major break downs. At least things like: painting the walls and breaking his toys or any other object had long since disappeared from his behaviour. He simply was a very oversensitive child and took many things for granted as a normal child would. It took Jamie longer to face new situations and to learn how to deal with them.

"Come here, Jamie." Castle got down on one knees to welcome his little man in his arms. "I love you… and I am sorry about raising my voice this morning. I didn't mean to."

"I'm sorry" Jamie just mumbled, but Castle felt rejoiced once the boy's arms wrapped around his neck, as everything was forgiven.

"When we get home, what do you say we tidy up your room and then make spaghetti carbonara. Your favourite one, huh?"

Jamie's features instantly lifted up, "Yes! With lotsa tomatoes."

"As many as you like."

Everybody knew that a carbonara sauce mainly consisted of bacon, eggs and cheese, but Jamie liked the dish with cherry tomatoes on top of them. If the child wanted to have vegetables with it, so be it. It would thus be a fancy spaghetti pomodoro alla carbonara. It was his favourite after all, and both Charlie and Matt loved it too.

"So, did you guys manage to pick a name at all?" Alexis eventually longed to know after both parents hadn't been quite sure yet. Besides they weren't going to call her baby sister for the rest of their lives, even if she was and would always be.

Castle smiled, "Actually we have…" he said as he gathered the slowly waking baby into his arms and seated himself next to Beckett with one arm around her shoulders. "Please meet Olivia Grace, your new sister."

"Oh, I love it!" Alexis exclaimed excitedly and flashed a smile at Beckett.

Castle's eyes laid on his youngest daughter cradled in his arms, as the little one's eyes fluttered open. Olivia was making tiny cooing sounds which literally melted her father's heart.

"Olivia?" Matt repeated just making sure he got the name right. "Hey, there's also an Olivia in my new class."

"So you like it?" Castle asked.

Matt shrugged, "It's an okay name."

"It's a wonderful name dad." Alexis reassured her father.

"It's actually Kate who suggested it."

"We had Olive on the name list, but that didn't sound right to me. I woke up this morning and there it was… I just needed to check up with your father if he liked it, and guess what?"

Alexis' father was grinning from ear to ear and she didn't need any answer to that question, but still she said, "He liked it." From the corner of her eyes she noted her father nod his head, "It's a beautiful name. She looks like an Olivia."

"She does, doesn't she? Oh… I'm just so glad we finally found a name!"

Castle couldn't tear his eyes away from Beckett. It was difficult because before he had only eyes _for his daughter_, and only his daughter was looking up _at him_. And although he might not have been the best example of a father when it came to education, he still knew what mattered in life. Beckett had told him numerous times about raising an amazing daughter. Now he had so many eyes looking up at him, three amazing boys and another daughter. He didn't expect his life to be any different than it was now.

* * *

_tbc_

__**A/N: I will be posting the epilogue tmw... sorry for the long wait. Had some personal issues to deal with... xo, NancyErin  
**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41 (Epilogue)**

_Two years later_

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

"Hey, hey, hey…" Castle cooed softly making his way down the hallway and into the nursery where Olivia was desperately calling out for her mother. As soon as her father had stepped into the room, her eyes lifted his direction and a toothy smile grew on her face right away. She stood up in her crib and reached her arms out at her father who instantly lifted his little princess into his arms.

"Mama?"

"Mommy's in the shower, sweetie. Did you sleep all right?"

Olivia fervently nodded her dark brown curls. Outside her bedroom, she heard her brothers making noise in the room next door and Castle could still not believe how much of a deep sleeper she was. They could make as much noise as they wanted, but Olivia would sleep all the way through it. Not even an earthquake would wake her from her sleep. Castle held her in his arms as he entered Matt's room, which looked like a bomb had literally exploded and that at eight a.m. Days like these he sometimes wondered what he had gotten himself into all these years ago, but by starting a relationship with Kate Beckett, he had signed up for a disaster.

"Hey, Livi!" Big brother Matt jumped over the huge pile of building blocks scattered smack in the middle of his room. All three boys were for once playing together, without fighting, so they were allowed to get a little bit louder. Matt loved his baby sister more than any brother in the whole wide world.

"You wanna stay here with Mattie or do you wanna come help me make pancakes?" Castle wanted to know from his youngest even though he knew what the answer was going to be. Olivia cradled her nose against his neck and his embrace lightly tightened on her. "All right, pancakes it is then. She will come play with you later."

Matt was also aware that his sister needed a little bit time to wake up, just like his mother. One wasn't to mess up with her in the wee hours of the morning – especially not before her morning coffee - else way they were going to be up for a rough day. The last thing they wanted to have was a moody mother or mini toddler breathing down their neck all day long.

"Daddy! I also wanna help!" Charlie chimed in and followed Castle into the kitchen, where all three of them got dinosaur shaped pancakes ready for breakfast.

Soon Beckett caught up with them, followed minutes later by Alexis and Martha. It was only half past eight on a Sunday morning and as usual the entire Castle-Beckett household was upside down as they all gathered around the dining table.

"Mom, can we go to the skater park today? Please?"

Beckett sighed. She didn't quite understand why her son was so much into skate boarding. Ever since he had that new friend those two were hanging out constantly. She didn't mind all too much about his choice of friends, but Adam was quite a boy she needed to keep an eye on. At the tender age of ten, he was one year older than Matt, and he was free to do whatever he wanted to do, due to lack of appropriate parenthood of his single mother.

"Me too, mommy!" Charlie joined his brother.

Somehow the skate boarding fever had hit the entire family except for Jamie.

"Argh… why? I don't want to!" Jamie interjected with a pout.

"Jamie has a piano recital this afternoon. We'll all go to his recital." Beckett reminded them as two of her sons sulked away. "Show him our support."

"We can go later?"

"Maybe, Matt. You've already been to the park yesterday."

"But I wanna go today too. Adam's going to be there. Jack and Bryan. Please, mom?"

"We'll see okay. They said it might be raining later this afternoon…"

"But if it's not, we can go… mooom." Getting no concrete answer from his mother, his attention diverted to his left side, "Dad?"

Alexis chuckled to herself. Her stepbrothers could be quite something. All three of them had her father wrapped around their finger. She knew that if he was going to say yes, he was going to be in for something with Beckett, _again_.

"I can take them later if you prefer coming home. Oh!" _There it was_, Alexis thought to herself as an idea struck him. "I take all four of them to the park and you come home… to chill… do nothing… enjoy your freedom." Well that was a winning point for Castle. He knew how to work his charm and lure her into something she had wanted for so long now. "Or what about that spa… yes… I'm going to call them right away." And then he was already on the phone before Beckett could even make a move.

Matt and Charlie high fived each other. Jamie was displaying his best pout while Olivia giggled sweetly to herself in her high chair.

"Did you hear that Livi? We're going to the park!" Matt informed her happily, which of course made the little girl beyond excited too.

"Park, mama! Livi too…"

"Apparently yes…" Beckett half answered her daughter's question and half mumbled to herself.

Why did she have to have four kids? One hadn't been enough…

Seeing the desperation on the woman's face, Alexis felt the need to come to her rescue.

"I've been dying for a spa trip myself too. We could go together if you want to… that way you won't be alone… Leave dad to take care of the band."

"Well, that can't be good!" Beckett groaned, but she definitely liked the idea of Alexis and her enjoying some girl-time to themselves for once.

It would be a nice change to her daily routine of playing housewife and mother all day long. She had always loved being a mother and she still did to this day. The difference in her relationship with Castle was that he also took care of her as a woman. He was well aware of the regular breaks she needed and was always very careful in that regard. He was very skilled at finding the right balance in their relationship since she wasn't only a mother or girlfriend/partner, but also a woman. Castle always knew when it was time for a dinner-for-two, a movie, a stroll in the park… a little weekend getaway. Though leaving behind a two, a four, a seven and a nine years old was still difficult to do. He was also having troubles letting go of their children, but it was necessary for their couple. Reason all the more to love him with each passing day.

Beckett wasn't quite sure how long she had been absent minded until Castle shook her out of her daydream. The breakfast table had been cleared and Castle had just lifted Olivia out of her high chair who scampered as fast as her little feet could carry her across the room and chased her older brothers down the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

"You were like miles away from this place. Is everything all right?" Castle pondered, grabbed a sponge and proceeded to clean up the table.

Beckett's eyes diverted onto the engagement ring still resting on her finger. After two long years they still weren't married. They had discussed it a couple of times, but since Beckett didn't feel ready, Castle simply let the issue rest. He had almost lost her once… and their beloved baby girl, so he wasn't going to push her into something she didn't feel comfortable with. They were a family after all. One crazy patchwork family with three different family names, but neither really seemed to care. Everyday life had caught up with them and time was flying real fast.

"I want us to get married, Rick." Beckett said in one trait.

Castle stopped abruptly in his movements and literally stared her down as if she had just grown two heads. His expression showed nothing but befuddlement, so Beckett repeated her words.

"Really?" He just couldn't help himself. The situation was beyond him._ Why? How? What? Now? Why now? Why all of a sudden? Out of nowhere? _"I mean… _really_?"

Beckett looked up at him and spoke with all honesty, "Yes, I want to marry you… as soon as possible…"

"Oh… okay… wow…" Little by little a smile itched at the corner of his lips and soon a wide grin was written all across his face. He pulled the chair next to hers out and sat down, grabbed her hands and said, "Of course…"

"I love you, Rick and yes, I want to marry you. I want _us_ to get married, because I'm ready! I want us to be a family… all of us… as crazy as this sounds because we are already a family. We've been a family all this time, but…." Her gaze went back to the ring. "I want this to be official. I know we are quite the pair. We have our good moments and bad moments, but seriously, who doesn't?" Beckett half laughed, half sniffled at the running nose and tears. "But I love you… and Martha, and Alexis as if she were my own. You're the best father I could ever have wished for my boys… They love you so much… and of course there's Livi… she's… she completes us. I don't know how to say it, but I feel like this is something I have to do… and I want to do it… I'm ready. I want to be your wife… that is if you still want to…"

"Kate…" Castle sighed, but he was left speechless, and all he could muster was a languish long kiss to her lips. "How on Earth could you possibly think that I wouldn't want you… I need you… of course I still want you. God, I love you so much…" He pulled her into another long smouldering embrace that left them both breathless, "And I love our bunch… I love our babbling munchkin to pieces. She's a mini-you."

With children in the household their moment was cut short as per usual, as the boys stormed into the room, arguing. It took both adults a second or two to come back to brutal reality, but they still couldn't help the grin smeared on their faces.

"What's going on? Why are the two of you smiling goofily?" Matt asked, still as astute as ever, catching on feelings and subtle glances faster than any other children.

Without missing a beat, Castle spoke, "Because your mother and I are going to get married."

"Really… like for real?"

"Yes, like for real, Matt."

"Oh, that's awesome!" The boy exclaimed giddily. With his brothers and little sister in tow, they stepped up to the happy couple as the eldest wrapped his arms around Castle's neck. "You're going to be my real dad, now, aren't you?"

"I am already, Matt."

"Yes, but I mean for real 'cause you guys are getting married."

Castle noted Beckett's eye roll at her son's excitement. Ever since Charlie had proclaimed Castle as his _dada_, both Jamie and Mattie had quickly followed suite. Although it had taken some time for Beckett to get used to it, she eventually came around the corner. All three knew – at least Jamie and Matt understood better – that Castle wasn't their biological father. Charlie was still a little bit young and all he could rely on was pictures of his real father. Beckett knew that to her two eldest sons, Castle will always be their father to their eyes. She could understand their point of views and fully respected them. They were still young and some day they would fully understand. She only wanted the best for her three boys and hoped to have made the right decision for them.

"Mommy?" Jamie mysteriously had forgotten everything the brothers had been fighting about just seconds ago and clung onto his mother as so very often.

"Yes, Jamie?"

"What's it mean what Matt said?"

"Remember when Rick gave me this ring?" Of course Jamie shook his head in the negative, "Well it was a promise for us to some day get married, and now I want to get married. _We_ are going to get married."

"Like in the movies?"

Beckett had to chuckle lightly at her son's cuteness, "No, not really, but I will be wearing something white, even though… yeah, never mind..." Some things were better left unsaid, or unexplained in this case. "Yes, like in the movies, Jamie."

"Wow…" Charlie exclaimed, having listened to every single word while sitting in his mother's lap.

"And Livi can be the flower girl, right? I ain't gonna be a flower girl, that's for girls" Matt made it loud and clear, which made both adults laugh out loud.

"In a pink tutu, Matt" Castle teased, but Matt was wise.

"Haha, funny dad! I said I ain't gonna wear it. Forget about it."

"I want to be a flower girl!" Charlie chimed in, even though he clearly had no idea what they were actually talking about. Charlie was nosy and constantly needed to know everything, and he always wanted to be part of everything. At the tender age of four he still was Beckett's baby boy.

"If you want you can be a flower _boy_, Charlie, and Livi will be the flower _girl_."

Charlie's gaze went across to his sister, "You're the flower girl, Livi and I am the flower boy."

Olivia looked up at her father and clearly she was too young to grasp a word they said. She would have to go along with whatever the adults would pick for her anyway. She joyfully clapped her little hands, then held them out to her father, who planted a loving kiss onto each of her hands.

"'iss, dada" she babbled sweetly, which to this day still melted Castle's big heart. Castle held onto her hands as she stood up from the table and onto his lap and wrapped her father into a tight hug. "'attie, too"

Matt welcomed his baby sister into his arms – he was a strong boy after all – hugged and kissed her before gently setting her back down onto the floor.

"Come p'ay, 'attie wif 'ivi!"

"In a second, Livi."

All set of eyes were directed onto the young toddler standing in the middle of the foyer, who curiously was wondering to herself what happened to her usual very hectic family. Everything was quiet, the clock was ticking on the wall… it was quite an unusual silence in the Beckett-Castle household. But years ago Olivia had been the missing piece of the puzzle. She was the glue holding them all together. The impending Beckett-Castle wedding was going to be the frame of said puzzle.

"So we can go to the park this afternoon, right dad?" Matt shook his father out of his trance.

"Yes, Matt. And, Jamie, before you say anything, you may take your bike, all right? We'll get Charlie's too, just in case."

"Cool, thanks dad!"

Matt gave Castle another long bear hug before the four disappeared again in the back.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Castle requested from Beckett once the room had gone quiet once more.

"Sorry… I still get those moments when Matt calls you dad, or Jamie… it's… you know…"

"I know, Kate. Come here…"

He pulled her into an embrace as they stood that way for a while in the kitchen. Neither of them needed to speak out loud what they wanted to say because they no longer needed words for it. It was a mutual silent promise to one another to love all of their five children equally and without boundary. Beckett was an amazing mother to his daughter, just like Castle was an amazing father to her sons.

"What do you say we get married on Livi's birthday? It's next month… I'm pretty sure we could…"

But Beckett's head shake stopped his thoughts, "No… not on Livi's birthday, Rick. That's her day… only hers. It's the day when she was born. I can see why you would want it but I don't, otherwise it will be about us. I want and insist for each child to have their birthday. It is their day… ours will be ours… all right? It could be a few weeks later, just so we can everything ready, and you know I want a small ceremony. Nothing fancy… Just us as a family…"

Castle smiled down at her, "Anything you want, Kate." and sealed his words with a kiss.

* * *

Castle stood anxiously near the 'altar'. His feet felt itchy and he could barely wait to become Beckett's husband. He glanced sideways where a couple of his friends stood and on the opposite side where his mother, his daughter and another handful of women – mostly Beckett's female friends - stood. He flashed them a brief supportive smile, silently wondering why it took so long for the ceremony to eventually start. In reality it hadn't taken long at all, but to Castle is felt like half an eternity. It just couldn't go fast enough.

As soon as the song the couple had chosen echoed through the room, all pair of eyes went to the back, knowing the bride was going to step in any second. First though, it was Olivia's turn to lead the service. Clad in a satin lavender long dress with a dark purple bow tie at her back, she appeared in the middle of the twenty feet short lane. A matching purple and white hair band adorned the top of her head and completed her attire.

At the view, Castle's heart melted with love for his little princess as she stood there without moving an inch. Alexis was softly calling out for her, hoping to guide her with her words down the lane. Unfortunately Olivia misinterpreted everything and the moment her eyes met her father she instantly called out for him in her usual cute and innocent way,

"Dada!" Her face lit up, as she hadn't seen him since this early morning and started sprinting down the lane. Her long dress got in the way, making her topple forward and land flat on her belly. Her cry erupted right away, but as usual Castle sprinted toward her even though he was aware that either Alexis or his mother would care for her. It was too much for his heart to handle at his point as he lifted her up and cradled her against his chest.

"Shh… sweetie. It's okay…" He repeated numerous times in order to appease her cries as big tears rolled down her chubby cheeks and heavy sobs wrecked through her body.

Worried about the well-being of her daughter, Beckett also showed up in the hall. As if on cue, Castle turned around and their eyes locked, but the moment Beckett found her daughter in his arms, an inaudible sigh of relief left her lungs. Her eyes still silently begged for an explanation and Castle knew he needed to let her know everything way all right. She understood his reassuring gaze and that's when realisation sank in… Beckett looked stunning in the wedding gown she was wearing.

Castle carried his daughter the few feet toward Beckett.

"Daddy's right over there, sweetie… So all you need to do is just to go down the alley and up to Alexis. Can you do that for daddy, huh?"

In the meantime her crying had subsided, but she still clung to her father for dear life when he wanted to set her back down. Beckett got down on her knees, trying to calm her daughter down, but nothing seemed to work and before all of this could end in a disaster, Castle got back up, with his daughter in his arms.

"It's okay…I'm good…" Castle reassured Beckett with a smile. "Let's just get married, okay?"

"She can't have her way, Rick…"

"She fell and hit her forehead, Kate. I'm not going to leave her in this agony. I don't mind carrying her, all right? You just go back there… and let's keep going…"

Beckett sighed. She knew Castle meant well, but Olivia again won her battle. She was daddy's little girl and Castle of course made sure she knew that. At the age of two, Olivia managed the pulled lip like a pro already.

"I love you…" He spoke, dropped a kiss to Beckett's lips.

In lightening speed Castle was back on his original spot in the front. The music took over and it was the boys' turn to stroll down the path in respective order: Charlie, Jamie and Matt, who was guiding his mother arm in arm before handing her over to Castle. They exchanged smiles and the minister performed the short ceremony. Beckett spoke her vows and then Castle.

"Wait…" he said at the end of his speech as both the minister and Beckett flashed him a curious glare, before he motioned for all three boys to step up. With his little munchkin still in his arms, Castle knelt down to be at the same eye level with them.

"Charlie, Jamie, Mattie" He paused to make sure either of them was listening to him, but they had been taught well and knew of the importance of being quiet during this special occasion, "I promise to be a patient and loving father to you, caring for you and providing for you as my own. I promise to be your strength and your emotional support, loving you with all my heart forever."

After a long while Castle's gaze finally went up at Beckett when he heard her sniffle. All three boys looked up at their mother too and instinctively they knew she wasn't crying because she was hurt, but because she was happy; utterly happy at what Castle had spoken out loud. It was the greatest promise she had ever heard in her entire life.

The tall writer stood up, his eyes never leaving Beckett's. The minister briefly rasped his throat, asked them if all things had been said. At the nod of their heads, they exchanged their rings with trembling hands before he declared them husband and wife. Then it was time for the kiss. Castle leaned his head down onto hers where their lips met and they shared a brief yet tender kiss.

"I love you, Kate", he breathed against her lips, right before Charlie let out a snickering sound.

"Shh… Charlie!" Matt shushed his younger brother down in a reprimanding way.

A silent smile grew on the adults' faces. They sure didn't have much time on their own with four children in the house. Even the briefest of moments was always cut short. Both were glad though as Matt's word didn't end up in an argument between the boys.

Beckett's left hand that rested on his upper arm trailed up to caress over his freshly shaven and smooth cheek. Castle didn't want this smile to vanish ever again when she returned his love for him. Her gaze next diverted onto their restless daughter as she gladly welcomed her into her arms.

"Ma-ma, shoe!" Olivia babbled softly as she leaned forward to point with her finger to the ground.

Matt had already been careful to pick it up and handed the lost sandal at Castle who strapped it back onto her feet. Soon all family members and friends gathered around the happily married couple, exchanging their congratulations. The ceremony had been finished off with a dinner for the entire family and very close up friends. At the early hours of the night, the couple had to literally carry four very sleepy children to bed, but that wasn't much of a problem for once. As soon as they had hit the pillow, the couple knew they were off for the night and hopefully till late morning.

"Hello Mrs. Castle" a soft voice was calling out for her.

Beckett turned her attention from her sleeping toddler onto the tall man, her husband, casually leaning against the door frame, yet with a very suggestive grin smeared across his face. She couldn't help the smile forming on her lip and the butterflies rising in the pit of her stomach. _Every time_… she thought to herself.

Not seeing her move, he walked up to her to wrap both of his arms around her slender waist. She was still wearing her gown, but he was already wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. The heat radiating from his muscular chest didn't help the warmth shooting through her body as his embrace lovingly tightening around her frame.

"I've been waiting for you, but one would think I'd have learned my lesson by now." He half teased, half spoke with sincerity. Beckett didn't comment his words. Instead he reached for his hand and lifted the one holding her wedding band to bring it up to his lips. "I love you, Kate Castle."

She grew a faint smile, "I still have to get used to that one."

He returned her smile understandingly. A long silence settled between the newlywed as they mutually held onto each other, both their gaze resting on their sleeping daughter. Their breathing was in sync as well as their thoughts, as they travelled years back to the joyous day Olivia came into this world. Twenty-five months ago to the day… Time _was_ indeed flying fast…

One month ago, at the end of the day, after they had celebrated Olivia's second milestone they had briefly struck up the conversation on another baby. Castle more so than Beckett, but at some point they came to the realisation that their family planning was complete. And with their wedding today, they finalized the whole.

"Can't she stay this small for another couple of years?" Beckett sighed with a protruding lip. She sure was going to miss to have a baby attached to her hip, after all she had spent over nine years of her life that way. Among those she had lived three years though pregnancy. It was the beginning of a new era to her with Matt entering his teens and soon hormones were going to soar through the household.

"I'm afraid she won't…"

Beckett hid her face against his chest, but Castle instantly felt the moisture against his skin.

"Hey…" he cooed softly and tilted her head, as she fought to dry off her rolling tears. "We both agreed we were through with it…"

"I know… it's just… I mean, you're right. We both agreed that four would be enough. Sorry, five, with Alexis. And it's true. I mean… it's not that I don't want another one. It's a lot of work, and… I guess I'm just a little bit wrapped up in the moment. I'm going to miss being pregnant, having a baby… you know… It feels like a new start to me. All of this. In a good way of course…"

Castle chuckled softly to himself. "Kate?" he called out before kissing her sweetly, "Is that what you want? Another baby?"

"No!" Her negative reply wasn't meant to be hurtful or anything, and Castle sensed that. It was a clear statement of her feelings and insight on the subject at hand. "I love you, Rick. I really do, but…Wha-… What?" she stuttered at his long glare.

"I know you do, Kate. You don't have to be worried. It's your right and I fully accept your choice. I'm all right. I have a beautiful daughter going off to college next year. I have three amazing sons and you've graced me with the cutest and sweetest little baby girl I could have ever wished for. That's more than I ever dreamed of. Last but not least, you're my wife now… we are married… and that makes me the happiest man alive, Kate. I couldn't possibly ask for more. We don't _need _another baby to prove our love for each other… I know you love me, and I also know that if we weren't to have already half a house full we would probably have another one. Last month I was giving you the option, letting you know that I was okay if you ever wanted to add another sibling to Olivia, but that doesn't mean we _have to_. I'm not a believer, but God knows – and I do too – how much you love babies. You're like all over them as soon as you see one. I can literally see your ovaries skip a beat at the view of one."

Beckett laughed whole heartedly at his words. He was right though, in every way. She had never thought of herself of becoming one day mother to four children, but one went with the other and before she knew it, there they were and it was amazing. Her life was amazing and she didn't want to trade her life with anyone else at this very moment, nor ever.

"I would love to have more babies with you, Kate, but I really feel like my life is complete. _Our_ life is complete. I love every single second of it with you. When I look at Matt, I see you. When I look at Jamie, I see you, and when I look at Charlie, I see you. Livi is our bonus price, topping it all. She's all you, Kate. I love all of my kids and I am so grateful for having those boys in my life. That vow I made to you and them today, I tend to stick to that promise. To love you for as long as I'm alive, till death does us part."

Tears kept rolling down her cheeks over and over again at the deep love Castle felt for her. Not a day went by without him showering her with his love and devotion. She was very lucky to have found him and never intended of letting go of him ever again. She once did and it was still her worst nightmare to this day. But he had been patient, supportive and so much more that it always left her speechless.

"I love you, Rick." She kissed him fully, unsure what else to add at her overwhelming feelings cursing through every fibre of her being. "I love you… I don't know what else to say or to do… I love you, that's all…"

He brushed a few dark brown curls out of her face once they managed to take a breath in between heated kisses, sweet nibbles and frenzied touches, "Make love to me as my wife." He told her sincerely, yet bluntly.

She laughed into his kiss, "I think I could do that…."

With those last words she intertwined their fingers and pulled him carefully out of the nursery. Her long gown swayed across the hardwood floor as he followed her into the master bedroom where the door drifted shut behind them.

* * *

_The happy End_

* * *

**A/N: I would like to thank every one who has stuck with me through this fiction. And a special thank you goes of course to all the ones who have reviewed some or even each chapter! They made me laugh, they made me cry, however they also spurt me on to either write more or progress in my writing skills! It has been three months since I finished writing the fic, and as very often I happen to miss the characters I have created, but I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**What am I up to now? I am currently busy working on 3 fics. "Katie and Rick" is unfinished (I know) :o( , "Beloved Amy" still in progress, and then there is another one not yet posted, but if I have a moment I will put up an excerpt. The title of the third one is "Wish upon a Star". **

**For now I am unable to let you know when the next story will be finished. I am working on all three of them at the same time. I have a very busy week schedule so that I only have time during weekends to write and those are also filled with real life (house chores, cleaning, you name it because I don't have time for that on week days that go from 7am till 10pm). It is mission impossible... I hate it, alas there is nothing I can do. I wish I had more time or ideas to write faster. **

**Anyway, whomever has read all of my ramble deserves an award LOL. Thank you so much! I would love to see some of my followers read/review onto my upcoming stories! Patience is needed though =)**

**xo, NancyErin**


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